It's Time to Forget, but I'll Always Remember

Being with Ciel and Sebastian was really helping me to feel better. Earlier tonight I was ready to commit, but now everything feels different. I spoke to them about what happened. For some reason I actually told them everything! I mean everything...

They know how I feel about him and they know about all of the things he’s done to me. I told them about the day when he fell on top of me. It feels like so long ago now, but he could’ve really freaked out with my reaction...He didn't though. I mean I went hard when he fell on me! He should’ve killed me for that! He didn't.

Why didn't he?

Then there was the time that I had detention with him, he had the opportunity to really hurt me, but he didn't take it and that means a hell of a lot to me.

I wasn't going to say anything about the things Capper told me about his life. Things like him cutting and his family life were personal to him and deserved to stay private, but I did mention that he’d really opened up to me about himself; something that he hasn’t done with anyone else before.

Then there was this morning when he saved me from those chavs at the park. He had no reason to help me; especially seeing as he’d kissed me the night before and was clearly regretting all of it. He must care about me; that’s what Ciel and Sebastian have said. I hope they’re right so much. Does that make me desperate? If it does then I don’t really care. I’ve told him I love him and I think that I do. Of course I want him to bloody care!

Getting their opinions on all that’s happened has really helped. Who knew talking could actually do that for you?

“Maybe he’s scared,” Ciel suggested with a serious look on his face.

Imagining Capper as scared was kind of hard to do. I’ve rarely seen a weak side to him, but I know that he has one. He definitely has one.

“Does the kid like commitment?” Sebby asked me. Wow it’s weird calling him that, but he wants me to then I guess it doesn’t hurt to say it on some occasions. “I know you’re new there, but do you know if he’s the sort of person for ‘relationships’?”

I shrugged my shoulders at him.

“He had a girlfriend,” I mumbled. “I'm not sure if they’re still together.”

“Why wouldn't they be together?” Ciel asked with a raised eyebrow.

“They fell out or something,” I muttered.

I'm not really the sort of person who listens to gossip and things like that, but from what I’ve heard, it sounds like their fight was partly to do with me.

What does that mean though? I mean, he fell out with his girlfriend...For me ?

“Maybe he’s just scared of getting too close to someone,” Ciel told me. “Especially seeing as you’re another guy. You said that you don’t know if he’s gay or not and I'm guessing that he doesn’t know either,” he explained. “Maybe he likes you but doesn’t want to come to terms with it.”

I nodded at him. He’s probably right. I mean, I’d like that to be the reason. If it was just because he’s sick of me or feels nothing for me, well, I don’t know what I’d end up doing to myself if I managed to convince myself of that.

“I think you should just give him some space,” Sebby suggested. “And then, after a while, he’s going to come to you because he’ll realize how he’s feeling.”

“Yes,” Ciel smiled. “He’ll be thinking about you all of the time, but you can avoid him. Make him come after you.”

“Cade should make him jealous!” Sebby announced.

I sat back and just listened as those two talked back and to, getting way too carried away with themselves. Some things they were saying made sense, but some were just ridiculous. I mean, I'm not moving to China just so he can work out that he misses me. What if he doesn’t anyway?

“Guys,” I sighed, deciding that if I didn't intervene they’d be like this all night. “Guys!”

They stopped and looked over at me before giving me a quick apology. They’re probably the best couple I’ve seen. They’re just so good together. Really really good.

***

I was nervous about school that next day. Was I meant to talk to him? Am I even meant to acknowledge him? I know that I will anyway, but am I meant to let him know that I’ve noticed him? Why do I never know how to answer these stupid questions? It’s not fair, I never have the answers.

Grelle was going to be walking with me again today. He didn't get home until late last night; he was probably at some party or something. Knowing him he won’t be in very good shape today and will be dealing with a massive hangover. Typical.

I'm glad that he wasn't home yesterday though seeing as I wouldn't have been so open if I knew he was in the house. Sure I talk about stuff with him, well, I when I thought I could trust him I did. But I’d never talk about boys with him, especially not Capper.

“Grelle!” I shouted up the stairs.

He better be awake. I am not being late today and if he isn't up there’s no way I'm going to wait for him. Who cares if they don’t want me going on my own? Its better that then missing school altogether because of his stupidity.

“Grelle!” I shouted again, getting annoyed with him now.

Today’s going to be hard enough without me having to put up with him all day. Why can’t he just hurry up?

“Coming,” he called down after a short pause.

Thank God for that!

I don’t really understand why, but I think being late will only add to my problems. I told him that I loved him. What if he really is a total jerk and has told everyone about it?

He wouldn't do that though. I know he wouldn't... Or would he?

I let out a groan as I thought about it more. Perfect.

How am I meant to go a whole day without seeing Capper? I always bump into him, even when I really don’t want to. I don’t stand a chance.

Grelle finally got his butt downstairs.

“It’s about time,” I hissed, taking in his sleep deprived state. He’s so going to struggle with school today.

For me though, school’s going to be great . What could possibly go wrong?