It's Time to Forget, but I'll Always Remember

“Where are we going?” I moaned as he dragged me along.

Sometimes I really do wish that I was a little bit stronger than I am; that way I’d have a chance of getting away from him, even though I do feel a little safer around him now. Wait a sec, what if that’s what he wants? Maybe he wants my trusts so he can do something really bad to me.

“Capper, where are you taking me?” I asked again in a very little, scared sounding voice.

“Don't worry,” he snarled making me worry even more than I was doing originally.

“I don’t want to leave,” I hissed at him with tear filled eyes. “You can’t make me,” I sniffed.

I know how pathetic I must sound now but I'm really scared of him and it doesn’t feel right being near him. A weird feeling fills my stomach whenever I see him; it’s hard to explain right so let’s just say I'm not sure whether I like it or not. Sometimes it feels good but most of the time it makes me even more nervous around him than I am naturally.

“I won’t hurt you,” he said as he stopped, still holding onto my arm though. “I promise.”

I shook my head at him as some tears fell down my cheeks making him give me a confused look.

“Don't cry,” he sighed as he let go of me. “I'm sorry,” he mumbled but he didn’t sound like he fully meant it. “You don’t need to cry.”

“I know,” I sniffed, turning my face away from him.

I heard him chuckle a little and then footsteps as he walked back towards the school. That’s when I realized he must have had something planned for me because if he didn’t he would have felt fine going without me. I gave him an evil look as he walked inside;strangely he looked pretty good from behind .

After he’d been inside for a couple of minutes I decided to go back in too, hoping that it wasn't too obvious that I’d been crying. When I got to the cupboard everything was already sorted so I went back into the classroom and saw Capper and his gang whispering to each other and trying to control their laughter. If there was one place where I didn’t feel welcome; it was here.

“Where have you been Cadence?” Mr. Flemming asked when he saw me. “Capper was back a while ago,” he added.

“Erm,” I thought. “Well...”

“It was my fault Sir,” Capper shouted from the back. “I left him to finish the last few piles,” he told him.

Some of his mates started giving him odd looks probably because they were as shocked as I was that he was covering for me. Why was he helping me? I know it sort of is his fault that I'm late but I didn’t think he’d tell Sir that; I thought he’d want me in trouble.

“Stay at the end you two,” Mr. Flemming muttered. “I need a word,” he smiled at us.

I nodded at him and Capper moaned a little he but didn’t refuse. For the rest of detention I just thought about what I'm going to do when I get home. It’s not like I have friends to spend time with so I suppose I’ll either tag along with Grell or just sit alone in my room all night.

When I snapped out of my thoughts I quickly felt a pair of eyes on me making me feel really awkward. I turned to see who’s they were; Capper’s! As soon as he looked he turned away but I still knew it was him, why though? What’s he planning to do?

“Right,” Sir said just as the bell rang. “Off you go,” he sighed. “WALK!” he shouted as they all rushed to get out through the door. “Now you two,” he mumbled.

“Whatever it was it wasn't me,” Capper smiled.

“You’re not in trouble,” he laughed. “I was just wondering if you’d show Cadence around and make him feel more welcome.”

“I'm alright on my own,” I whispered but he didn’t hear me.

“Little man can tag around if he wants,” Capper laughed as he hit my back. It was meant to be a playful hit but it really hurt.

I looked up at him, wanting to see the expression on his face. Was he being serious or just mucking around? Why would he show me around? Man, I hate being so small and the fact that he has to be tall. It’s so annoying I have to step back and tilt my head up to see him, which makes it pretty obvious for him to work out what I'm trying to do. He was smiling at me which I didn’t expect.

“Do you need a ride home?” he asked me.

I have no idea why he asked; it’s not like he can drive. We’re the same age and there’s no chance he could have gotten his license early.

When he noticed the expression on my face he added,

“My dad’s going to pick me up and he won’t mind taking you home if you need a ride,” he smiled.

“I’ll be alright walking,” I said shyly.

“Suit yourself then,” he grinned and ran out of the room.

“WALK!” Sir yelled again.

It’s not that hard to move slowly; why can’t he and his mates do that? One leg at a time in a normal paced motion; it’s not challenging at all.

“See you tomorrow Cadence,” Mr. Flemming said as I walked out.

I whispered a goodbye to him too but I doubt he’d have been able to hear me.

***

It suddenly started to rain when I was half way home so when I finally got in I was completely drenched

“Why are you wet?” Sebastian asked me in a bored tone of voice.

“Water fell from the sky,” I shrugged at him.

“Rain?” he laughed.

“Yeah, that’s the one,” I mumbled as I walked upstairs to my room.

I sat down on my bed and looked around my black bedroom. The walls are pretty plain at the moment and it doesn’t really feel like ‘my room’ yet. It’s not like my proper room; I loved it there. But it’s far different from the one at the care home too. That one was so small and we had to share it which meant we had no space or privacy. I hated it. To be honest, I hated everything. I felt like there wasn't anything to like when I was there and that everything in the world was against me. That’s how I got like I am now, I sighed looking at the marks on my arms and wrists.

My eyes started tearing up as I remembered how low I was when I first started cutting. I was so scared. It didn’t really hurt doing it though; it felt like the pain didn’t mean anything; like it wasn't worth feeling. Honestly, the only thing I worried about was how people would react if they saw it and how I was going to hide it from them. That was the only thing that turned me off; it had nothing to do with the simple fact that I was cutting myself open, forcing myself to bleed.

One more time won’t hurt, I thought to myself as I took my knife out of my draw at the side of my bed. I pressed the knife to the skin of my wrist and pressed it inside of me, sliding it across and watching as the blood quickly flowed out of it. But then suddenly my door opened. Crap!

“Cadence... WHAT THE HELL HAVE YOU DONE?!” Sebastian yelled as he grabbed hold of my arm. “DID YOU DO ALL OF THIS?”

I pulled my arm away and stared at him as I dropped the knife, shaking all over in shock because he’d just caught me slitting my wrist. As soon as he walked in I knew I’d cry and that’s exactly what I did. Tears were flowing down my face as abruptly as the blood on my wrist. I pulled my knees up to my chest and cried into them, cuddling into myself to make me feel safe again.

“Let me see your wrist Cadence,” Sebastian said harshly, sounding like he was going to cry too.

I held it out to him and he took it from me.

“I can’t believe you did that,” he whispered as he pulled me into a hug and told me he was going to make everything alright and that he’s there for me if I need someone to talk to. But why’d I want to talk to him?

“Let’s go sort this out sweetie,” he said awkwardly as he took me into the bathroom to clean the cut.

I can’t believe that just happened.