It's Time to Forget, but I'll Always Remember

I pulled the sleeves back down on my shirt as I walked into the living room and sat down on the couch next to Ciel, he smiled weakly at me and nodded a little.

“How was detention?” he asked sharply.

When Ciel was at school he was a straight A student and he’d never get in trouble, so he finds it a bit weird that I got a detention on my first day for bunking off. Especially seeing as he knows that I'm usually the good one. I don’t do anything wrong and just stay out of everyone else’s way. That’s how I am. But today I couldn’t stay there. I was too scared and I had no choice but to leave. If that makes me a bad boy now then so be it.

“It was alright,” I mumbled.

“Did anyone bother you there?” he asked, not looking at me though. It was as if he was ashamed of me now.

“Not really. This one guy actually helped me a little,” I told him.

I notice a smile appear in the corners of his face.

“Good looking?” Sebastian asked as he walked into the room and sat opposite us. Knowing him he’s probably been listening for a while.

“I'm not answering that.”

“Oh go on,” he begged.

“I'm not gay,” I mumbled.

“That has nothing to do with it,” Ciel interrupted. “You don’t have to be gay to know if someone’s attractive or not.”

“Well said baby,” Sebastian said as he presses his lips against Ciel’s.

I looked away from them. I have nothing against homosexuals it’s just I’m still only getting use to them kissing and it just makes me feel a little weird watching them.

“So, do you like anyone at school Cade?” Sebastian asked me, moving back to the chair he was on before.

“Nope,” I sighed.

“Made any friends?” Ciel asked sounding like he desperately wanted me to say yes.

“None,” I smiled at him.

“Well, what about the guy who you said helped you before?” he asked me. “Isn't he a friend?”

I shook my head at them.

“He’s the one who beat me up earlier,” I mumbled hatefully.

“Oh,” he sighed.

“Well he’s not good enough to be your friend then,” Sebastian added.

I pulled a face at him because what he just said made me feel so young and pathetic. I suppose in many ways that’s what I am but that doesn’t mean I like people calling me it.

Ciel and Sebastian started talking about things that happened to them when they were at school and friends that they’d love to get in contact with again. I suppose for them it was a really interesting conversation but to be honest I'm not really interested in that sort of thing. In my mind the past is the past and the sooner you forget about it the better. That’s how I deal with the car crash. I try to forget about it. It’s less painful to think that I never knew my parents; that it isn't my fault that they’re dead. It’s a lot easier that way.

Thinking about them made me feel a little low again. My life would be so different if they were still here, but I don’t need to think about that. I have ways of taking my mind of things like that. It’d be really hard to forget if I didn’t have distractions. The only problem is it’s going to be a lot harder to hide these distractions now seeing as Sebastian’s keeping a close eye on me.

I looked down at my arms and fiddled with the material on my sleeves because my wrist was stinging a little. I groaned a little because it was really hurting now, it doesn’t usually feel like this though. Maybe I'm just feeling it more this time because someone other than me knows about it.

My body started shaking when I saw Sebastian staring at my arms.

“Ciel, we need to tell you something,” Sebastian said in a serious voice. “Come over here Cadence,” he sighed.

Slowly I got up to my feet and went over to him. He stood up and wrapped his arm around my shoulders supportively. I felt so small next to him with Ciel’s eyes staring right at me, knowing I’d done something.

“What’s happened?” he asked sounding a little panicked.

“Show him Cadence,” Sebastian sighed as he squeezed me a little so I knew that he was there.

“Do I have to,” I whispered as fear shook through me.

"Just do it," he told me.

I nodded lightly at him as I slid up my sleeve to expose all of the cuts on my arms. As I did it Ciel’s eyes kept getting wider from the shock. It was actually quite scary for me. I had no idea how he'd react; what he was going to do.

“You... did... that?” he asked, sounding really freaked out by it. To be honest I don’t know why he’s so surprised. “YOU CUT YOURSELF!”He shouted at me. “...Why?” he sighed.

“I don’t know,” I cried shaking my head. “I was scared,” I muttered.

“So you did this,” he gasped as he took a closer look by pulling me towards him and gripping onto it.”You couldn’t have been that scared,” he hissed. “I've been terrified before but I've never even considered doing this to myself! If you were scared why didn’t you say something?” I shrugged my shoulders at him. “Do you think these scratches make you look good?” he asked me. “Is it a fashion statement to you?”

“No,” I sighed.

“So why do it? BEING SCARED ISN'T A GOOD REASON!”

“I just wanted to,” I mumbled, knowing that they wouldn't understand.

“Why did you do it Cadence?” Sebastian whispered into my ear. “Why not do something else?”

I shook my head at them because there’s no point in trying to explain it. Plus they wouldn't like what I have to tell them.

“Just tell us,” Ciel pleaded.

“It really doesn’t matter,” I mumbled.

“It does!” Sebastian shouted at me.

I stepped away from him and just stared. He shouted at me! He never shouts. Sebastian is the sort of guy who very rarely loses his temper.

“For God’s sake tell us!” He moaned. “We care about you, but if you don’t tell us things we can’t help you.”

“I don’t need help,” I muttered.

“YES YOU DO!” Ciel yelled at me as he grabbed onto my collar and looked me dead in the eyes. “Why did you cut yourself?” he asked. “Did you want to hurt yourself? Did you want attention?”

“I-I... I don’t want to say,” I sighed.

“Just tell us!” they shouted together.

“Fine! I wanted to end it all, is that want you want to hear? I wish I was dead!” I yelled as I ran back up the stairs and into my room, slamming the door shut.