Status: Was active (no idea what's going on ><)
Spontaneous Ways of Augusta Hunt
The Crazy Truth.
"A witch, dear. You're a witch."
"That's absolutely absurd! The very notion is insane!" I laughed madly at the thought, removing my pointy black hat to itch my scalp, and mounting my favorite broom stick.
"Absurd or not, it's the truth. And, while I'm at it, I've arranged for you to marry Justin Bieber. And, I'm sending you to a wizarding boarding school in England."
"WHAT?! I... I can't believe this...," I stuttered, out of breath. This couldn't be real! This kind of thing only happened in bad fan-fictions written by obsessive tweens! Who would ever guess it would be happening to me?
"I have something to say, too..." Whimpered Joe, bursting out into tears.
I dismounted my broom and turned on him, furious. I motioned for him to go on with several violent hand gestures.
"I... I....," He stuttered, still sniveling pathetically.
"OUT WITH IT, BOY!" I shrieked, slapping him across the cheek. My mother and other brothers gasped.
"I like to wear your thongs, okay?" Joe admitted with a shriek, weeping even harder as he cradled his reddening cheek.
This was all too much. When I woke up this morning, I was just your average (utterly amazing) teenage girl. Now, I was a girl whose brother wore women's lingerie!
My world went black.
***
My eyelids fluttered open to the sight of my boyfriend, Edward. Edward had a lot of strange fetishes. He was always trying to bite and smell me, and he got hard at the very sight of blood. On several occasions, I'd even caught him licking my used tampons; Lord, he makes me feel so sexy. He's also really protective; I just love it when he breaks into my house to watch me sleep at night.
Besides, he's soooo dreamy!
"Edward?" I mumbled, smiling.
"Yes, my little lamb-chop." Replied Edward, licking his lips. He just had the sweetest food-related pet names for me!
"Did my mother tell you? I'm going away to boarding school because I'm a witch, I'm engaged to Justin Bieber, and my brother wears women's underwear. I'm afraid this might mean goodbye." I said sadly, sniffling slightly at the very idea of parting from my beloved.
"That's nice, my little anchovy. You're on your period, aren't you?" He mumbled, sniffing hungrily.
"Oh, Edward! You're too kind to me!" I blubbered, reaching for a box of tissues.
But Edward was nowhere to be seen. He reappeared in my bedroom seconds later, with the trash can from my bathroom in his hands. Already, he had one bloodied tampon hanging from his lips. His perfect, perfect lips...
"Well, I've got to go." He dashed to my window, flung it open, and leapt to the ground below.
"Good-bye, my sweet prince! You'll live forever in my heart!" I called after him, tears running down my face.
I wasn't sure if I'd ever get over this monumental heart-break. Me and Edward had dated for nearly a week. He was my everything.
Shrugging, I got up, skipped to my closet, and began packing. I couldn't wait to find out what being a witch was all about, and meet my future husband!
"That's absolutely absurd! The very notion is insane!" I laughed madly at the thought, removing my pointy black hat to itch my scalp, and mounting my favorite broom stick.
"Absurd or not, it's the truth. And, while I'm at it, I've arranged for you to marry Justin Bieber. And, I'm sending you to a wizarding boarding school in England."
"WHAT?! I... I can't believe this...," I stuttered, out of breath. This couldn't be real! This kind of thing only happened in bad fan-fictions written by obsessive tweens! Who would ever guess it would be happening to me?
"I have something to say, too..." Whimpered Joe, bursting out into tears.
I dismounted my broom and turned on him, furious. I motioned for him to go on with several violent hand gestures.
"I... I....," He stuttered, still sniveling pathetically.
"OUT WITH IT, BOY!" I shrieked, slapping him across the cheek. My mother and other brothers gasped.
"I like to wear your thongs, okay?" Joe admitted with a shriek, weeping even harder as he cradled his reddening cheek.
This was all too much. When I woke up this morning, I was just your average (utterly amazing) teenage girl. Now, I was a girl whose brother wore women's lingerie!
My world went black.
***
My eyelids fluttered open to the sight of my boyfriend, Edward. Edward had a lot of strange fetishes. He was always trying to bite and smell me, and he got hard at the very sight of blood. On several occasions, I'd even caught him licking my used tampons; Lord, he makes me feel so sexy. He's also really protective; I just love it when he breaks into my house to watch me sleep at night.
Besides, he's soooo dreamy!
"Edward?" I mumbled, smiling.
"Yes, my little lamb-chop." Replied Edward, licking his lips. He just had the sweetest food-related pet names for me!
"Did my mother tell you? I'm going away to boarding school because I'm a witch, I'm engaged to Justin Bieber, and my brother wears women's underwear. I'm afraid this might mean goodbye." I said sadly, sniffling slightly at the very idea of parting from my beloved.
"That's nice, my little anchovy. You're on your period, aren't you?" He mumbled, sniffing hungrily.
"Oh, Edward! You're too kind to me!" I blubbered, reaching for a box of tissues.
But Edward was nowhere to be seen. He reappeared in my bedroom seconds later, with the trash can from my bathroom in his hands. Already, he had one bloodied tampon hanging from his lips. His perfect, perfect lips...
"Well, I've got to go." He dashed to my window, flung it open, and leapt to the ground below.
"Good-bye, my sweet prince! You'll live forever in my heart!" I called after him, tears running down my face.
I wasn't sure if I'd ever get over this monumental heart-break. Me and Edward had dated for nearly a week. He was my everything.
Shrugging, I got up, skipped to my closet, and began packing. I couldn't wait to find out what being a witch was all about, and meet my future husband!
♠ ♠ ♠
Well, I had fun with this.