Status: Was active (no idea what's going on ><)
Spontaneous Ways of Augusta Hunt
I'm A Fairy Tale
“Well, you see my dear Augusta, you’re actually quite a bit older than you think you are.”
What? What was this crazy old man saying? I was seventeen, the most wonderful age ever.
“You’re actually sixty seven, you just look seventeen.”
“What? You can’t tell me these lies! I’m seventeen, my mother told me so!” I started crying. I couldn’t be an old lady already! I wasn’t even married, and I hadn’t found true love and become a princess yet! There was so much more in my life that had to happen!
“You see my dear, you went to Hogwarts. You were a student here, fifty years ago. You were the best of the best, Augusta, even better than Tom Riddle himself.”
“Who’s Tom Riddle? Is he like, the Riddler from Spiderman?”
“NO! HE’S FROM BATMAN, GET IT RIGHT!” screamed the nurse, Pomfrey, who greatly resembled a fish. I started crying again even harder. She couldn’t be so mean to me, I looked fabulous!
“No, he’s Lord Voldemort. Anyways, he saw you as a huge rival, but eventually fell in love with you, and when he opened the Chamber of Secrets, you accidentally got in the way, but instead of the Basilisk killing you, you fell into a deep coma. You slept for fifty years, not aging a day. When you finally woke up in your still-twelve body, you didn’t remember a thing about who you were, so we sent you to go live with the Muggles, hoping your life would be happy. Until your seventeenth birthday, when your magical powers grew too great again, and now here we are.”
“So… I was asleep for fifty years?”
“Yes. Even the Muggle world knows about it. We call it the ‘Sleeping Beauty Syndrome.’ You’re Sleeping Beauty, Augusta Hunt.”
I knew it. I always knew I was a princess. Why else would I be so beautiful and have a sexy vampire boyfriend and be marrying a pop star? But I still cried.
“So are the Jonas’s my…?”
“Family? No, they just took you in. Speaking of them, they sent you this singing card,” said Dumbledore, pulling out one of those cheesy cards from Hallmark, and when he opened it their screeching voices filled my eyes with tears because it made my ears bleed. In that instant, Edward magically appeared by my side, and starting tonguing my ears, lapping up all the blood.
“Oh Edward! You know how to make me feel so loved!” I moaned, trying to control my spasms. “So what happens now then, Dumbledore?” I asked, which was very difficult because Edward was being so damn sexy and I wanted him.
“Well, you need to be re-educated in magic. For they say, she who is a fairy tale will have the power to defeat all evil. And now, chop chop! Up to bed with you, we have a separate dorm in the Gryffindor tower all set up for you because you’re special.”
He left, and I started walking the halls with Edward still trying to get those last drops of blood out of my left ear. I made it to my dorm without any problems, because Dumbledore put up signs everywhere just for me. Not even Justin found me. Thank goodness, because his pre-pubescent-ness was one of the only things that Edward hated. Edward left me at the tower, saying he needed to buy some more glitter because he was almost out.
I cried myself to sleep that night, because no one had even bothered to heat my bed up for me, my brothers weren’t even my brothers, I had been in love with the most dangerous Spiderman villain of all time, I was sixty seven years old, and Edward hadn’t gotten all the blood out of my ears.
What? What was this crazy old man saying? I was seventeen, the most wonderful age ever.
“You’re actually sixty seven, you just look seventeen.”
“What? You can’t tell me these lies! I’m seventeen, my mother told me so!” I started crying. I couldn’t be an old lady already! I wasn’t even married, and I hadn’t found true love and become a princess yet! There was so much more in my life that had to happen!
“You see my dear, you went to Hogwarts. You were a student here, fifty years ago. You were the best of the best, Augusta, even better than Tom Riddle himself.”
“Who’s Tom Riddle? Is he like, the Riddler from Spiderman?”
“NO! HE’S FROM BATMAN, GET IT RIGHT!” screamed the nurse, Pomfrey, who greatly resembled a fish. I started crying again even harder. She couldn’t be so mean to me, I looked fabulous!
“No, he’s Lord Voldemort. Anyways, he saw you as a huge rival, but eventually fell in love with you, and when he opened the Chamber of Secrets, you accidentally got in the way, but instead of the Basilisk killing you, you fell into a deep coma. You slept for fifty years, not aging a day. When you finally woke up in your still-twelve body, you didn’t remember a thing about who you were, so we sent you to go live with the Muggles, hoping your life would be happy. Until your seventeenth birthday, when your magical powers grew too great again, and now here we are.”
“So… I was asleep for fifty years?”
“Yes. Even the Muggle world knows about it. We call it the ‘Sleeping Beauty Syndrome.’ You’re Sleeping Beauty, Augusta Hunt.”
I knew it. I always knew I was a princess. Why else would I be so beautiful and have a sexy vampire boyfriend and be marrying a pop star? But I still cried.
“So are the Jonas’s my…?”
“Family? No, they just took you in. Speaking of them, they sent you this singing card,” said Dumbledore, pulling out one of those cheesy cards from Hallmark, and when he opened it their screeching voices filled my eyes with tears because it made my ears bleed. In that instant, Edward magically appeared by my side, and starting tonguing my ears, lapping up all the blood.
“Oh Edward! You know how to make me feel so loved!” I moaned, trying to control my spasms. “So what happens now then, Dumbledore?” I asked, which was very difficult because Edward was being so damn sexy and I wanted him.
“Well, you need to be re-educated in magic. For they say, she who is a fairy tale will have the power to defeat all evil. And now, chop chop! Up to bed with you, we have a separate dorm in the Gryffindor tower all set up for you because you’re special.”
He left, and I started walking the halls with Edward still trying to get those last drops of blood out of my left ear. I made it to my dorm without any problems, because Dumbledore put up signs everywhere just for me. Not even Justin found me. Thank goodness, because his pre-pubescent-ness was one of the only things that Edward hated. Edward left me at the tower, saying he needed to buy some more glitter because he was almost out.
I cried myself to sleep that night, because no one had even bothered to heat my bed up for me, my brothers weren’t even my brothers, I had been in love with the most dangerous Spiderman villain of all time, I was sixty seven years old, and Edward hadn’t gotten all the blood out of my ears.
♠ ♠ ♠
Her life is a lie... >>