I'm So Sorry I can't Stop for You

I was so exhausted I didn't even get out of the bed because I knew she would fight me the entire way. I decided to just fall back into the bed and sleep, and pray that she would disappear...this time for good. As I slept I dreamt of the first time she came to me, this evil counter part of mine...

I'm eight years old again and I'm in my bed almost asleep, it's a Thursday...I am clutching my stuffed bunny rabbit praying it won't happen again tonight. The knob to my dark bedroom creaks as it's turned slowly.
"Mommy...please mommy..." I whisper into the darkness.
A tiny sliver of dim light creeps across the floor as my white door opens ever so slightly
"Iris...hey baby...it's Daddy" His lips drip sweetness like poisoned cough syrup as he inches in through the door.
"Please daddy...It still hurts..." I cry barely making any noise at all.
"Oh baby, baby, daddy just wants to talk to you for a little bit. Daddy just wants to talk to you...and you don't even have to say anything, don't say anything at all!" he threatens me in a breath naught but a whisper.
I can hear his heavy boots shuffle across my pink carpet...I can also hear him undo the belt buckle he always wore, it is the head of a raging bull, a large bull with red eyes, that bull...
I feel his huge hands on my quilt and can feel his hot alcohol breath on my neck as his lips graze my ear.
"Remember what I told you Iris, you make one noise, or even mention this to mommy I will tell her what you did to her favorite vase...and that will hurt more than this does." I turn my head so he won't know I'm crying again.
I can feel the man who is my father moving to be on top of me in a way that won't crush me, but it still hurts. Then I hear it, for the first time I hear it the rough female voice the billows from deep inside my stomach but has no part of me in it.
"What if you never had to go through this again? Let me take your place, let me protect us..." and I did, I gave myself over to her...

I shot up in bed sweating and gasping for breath. How could I have been so weak? How could I have invited that...thing...into this world? Everything that has happened...all those officers wives...all five of them...their blood is all on my hands.
"That wasn't your fault, they deserved it, they let him die...they let Blayne die..." Her voice is poison inside of me that I can't syphon out.
"Shut up you LIAR...They didn't kill Blayne...it...it was an accident..." I screamed at her, screamed at myself.
"Iris, I care about us more than anyone else. Who saved us from the bad man all those years ago? Who was strong enough for the both of us? Who stayed with you until that bad man Finally died? ME I did; and for what? I did it to protect US!" She began to get angry with me but I don't care, not anymore. I can't sleep, I barely eat and it is all because of her and the blood she has caused this shell of a body of mine to spill. I thought I had gotten rid of her for good when my father died sixteen years ago, of cancer in his liver, when her voice just got quieter and quieter until finally I couldn't even hear it anymore, but a year ago when Blayne...well she came back stronger than she had ever been, or maybe I was just weaker but now it's too late to do anything about it...Raina was here again now and my soul is in too many pieces to fight her again...fight her again and win anyways