Status: Being written.
Walls.
Three.
The house stared at him with waiting eyes; Accusing eyes. Brendon hid himself in the car, hands tight on the steering wheel even though the car was parked. He hated coming back because the guilt it put on him, over bearing to say the least. It was like wearing weights on his ankles and wrists just knowing that he ran away from it all. He wasn’t the only one though, Ryan left too… Ryan ran away the same way... The easier way.
With a final glance at the house, he took a hesitated breath and opened the car door. He opened the trunk up, got his bags, locked the car, and with his head down he carried his belongings to the front door.
After the overly excited kisses from his mother and a big bear hug from his father, he carried his bags without any help to his room. The same room he grew up in. The very one that he abandoned two years ago…
Brendon’s bags fell from his arms. He hadn’t stepped foot in this room since. Every family gathering was just a day trip occasion, he’d just show up because of the obligation.
The room had been left untouched. Completely and totally unchanged, frozen in time for two whole years… His eyes scanned over his old stuff, it was all there. The record player remained in the corner surrounded by the shelves of my favorite albums on vinyl. He walked over to them and crouched down. He moved his fingers over the slip covers he’d placed them in to keep them safe…
How could he leave all this behind? How could he leave everything behind… Just because-
There it was. The guilt that plagued him ever since. Brendon stood up and looked for something else to distract him from the thoughts. The old books he used to reread every summer smelled old and dusty. The little action figures he had kept because he couldn’t just give them away were still on the floor, the same place they had fallen when he-
The picture still lay on the floor as well, staring him in the face. It mocked him and mocked everything they ever had. Brendon kneeled down and felt something suffocate inside him. He brushed off the broken glass and stared down at the smiling faces, too familiar.
The room seemed to spin as he looked at himself, the younger and happier version. The picture was taken the day of Brendon’s 16th birthday… Ryan had bought them both tickets to see Journey… They both wore the same tour sweatshirt, Ryan’s head resting on Brendon’s shoulder with that adorable smile on his face…
It hit him then. Full on. The tears he’d fought again for weeks made themselves known. He clawed quickly at the burning and dropped the picture. Brendon Urie, in a few minutes of facing the reason he left, broke down. It was just like the last night he spent in that room… The only difference was that back then he wasn’t remembering…
The house was completely empty. It was silent and still until he came home, a nervous mess. Brendon unlocked the door and slammed it shut, running to his room as fast as he could. It was the only place he could go, the only safe place. The only place to hide.
He didn’t understand how he could have let it happen? He wanted it… He knew that, but he also knew it would ruin everything. The unending tears continued and just wouldn’t stop, no matter how much he wanted them to. Brendon could barely see what was in his room, except one thing. The one thing he could see as clear as day.
It was his favorite memory of his best friend, the one that meant so much to him. He forced himself to pick it up even though his hands were shaking.
There they were, together and happy…Together. Ryan was with him there... Smiling the very way Brendon knew he would never see again. The thoughts started moving too fast through his mind. The anger of him letting himself- The pain of Ryan’s words after they- The regret of leaving Ryan alone and the betrayal of Ryan not stopping him from leaving. The-
He was sick of it all. It wasn’t his fault! He didn’t- He didn’t-
Brendon quickly stood up and in one movement threw the picture at the wall, it’s case smashing onto the floor. “I didn’t kiss you! You kissed me!”
Now the picture was just as broken as their friendship, as his heart. Brendon fumbled backwards, his head suddenly pounding. He stuttered, as if he was caught off guard as he collapsed to the floor. “You- You kissed me…”
A comforting black surrounded Brendon then, and he shut his eyes. “This isn’t- is not my fault, Ryan… I- I didn’t… You did.”
Another deep breath before he fell into his sleep. The tears still hadn’t stopped, Brendon was crying himself into his sleep.
Brendon rocked himself on the floor, wanting to forget it again. Where were his walls? Where was his protection from this? He choked on his breaths and started coughing. The coughs quickly turned to sobs as he continued to break.
He opened his eyes and stared at the picture of the boy that had once always been there for him. That should still be there…
“You did this.”
With a final glance at the house, he took a hesitated breath and opened the car door. He opened the trunk up, got his bags, locked the car, and with his head down he carried his belongings to the front door.
After the overly excited kisses from his mother and a big bear hug from his father, he carried his bags without any help to his room. The same room he grew up in. The very one that he abandoned two years ago…
Brendon’s bags fell from his arms. He hadn’t stepped foot in this room since. Every family gathering was just a day trip occasion, he’d just show up because of the obligation.
The room had been left untouched. Completely and totally unchanged, frozen in time for two whole years… His eyes scanned over his old stuff, it was all there. The record player remained in the corner surrounded by the shelves of my favorite albums on vinyl. He walked over to them and crouched down. He moved his fingers over the slip covers he’d placed them in to keep them safe…
How could he leave all this behind? How could he leave everything behind… Just because-
There it was. The guilt that plagued him ever since. Brendon stood up and looked for something else to distract him from the thoughts. The old books he used to reread every summer smelled old and dusty. The little action figures he had kept because he couldn’t just give them away were still on the floor, the same place they had fallen when he-
The picture still lay on the floor as well, staring him in the face. It mocked him and mocked everything they ever had. Brendon kneeled down and felt something suffocate inside him. He brushed off the broken glass and stared down at the smiling faces, too familiar.
The room seemed to spin as he looked at himself, the younger and happier version. The picture was taken the day of Brendon’s 16th birthday… Ryan had bought them both tickets to see Journey… They both wore the same tour sweatshirt, Ryan’s head resting on Brendon’s shoulder with that adorable smile on his face…
It hit him then. Full on. The tears he’d fought again for weeks made themselves known. He clawed quickly at the burning and dropped the picture. Brendon Urie, in a few minutes of facing the reason he left, broke down. It was just like the last night he spent in that room… The only difference was that back then he wasn’t remembering…
The house was completely empty. It was silent and still until he came home, a nervous mess. Brendon unlocked the door and slammed it shut, running to his room as fast as he could. It was the only place he could go, the only safe place. The only place to hide.
He didn’t understand how he could have let it happen? He wanted it… He knew that, but he also knew it would ruin everything. The unending tears continued and just wouldn’t stop, no matter how much he wanted them to. Brendon could barely see what was in his room, except one thing. The one thing he could see as clear as day.
It was his favorite memory of his best friend, the one that meant so much to him. He forced himself to pick it up even though his hands were shaking.
There they were, together and happy…Together. Ryan was with him there... Smiling the very way Brendon knew he would never see again. The thoughts started moving too fast through his mind. The anger of him letting himself- The pain of Ryan’s words after they- The regret of leaving Ryan alone and the betrayal of Ryan not stopping him from leaving. The-
He was sick of it all. It wasn’t his fault! He didn’t- He didn’t-
Brendon quickly stood up and in one movement threw the picture at the wall, it’s case smashing onto the floor. “I didn’t kiss you! You kissed me!”
Now the picture was just as broken as their friendship, as his heart. Brendon fumbled backwards, his head suddenly pounding. He stuttered, as if he was caught off guard as he collapsed to the floor. “You- You kissed me…”
A comforting black surrounded Brendon then, and he shut his eyes. “This isn’t- is not my fault, Ryan… I- I didn’t… You did.”
Another deep breath before he fell into his sleep. The tears still hadn’t stopped, Brendon was crying himself into his sleep.
Brendon rocked himself on the floor, wanting to forget it again. Where were his walls? Where was his protection from this? He choked on his breaths and started coughing. The coughs quickly turned to sobs as he continued to break.
He opened his eyes and stared at the picture of the boy that had once always been there for him. That should still be there…
“You did this.”