Don't Call My Name Fernando.

“Who are Nora and Olalla?”

The Question echoed in his head, vibrating, and burning itself against his forehead, as the blood ran to his face. He licked his lips, the words lost in his mouth. How stupid could he have been? Had he really thought he could’ve kept this up and her not notice the ink embedded into his skin that now felt like it was on fire under her fingers. He cleared his throat that had become suddenly dry and parched. And sighed, he looked down at his forearms, at her hands wrapped around them, and at her awaiting an answer to her curiosity. He looked at the room around them, at the mess of their clothes, the regret on the sheets, and for the first time felt guilt settle in his stomach, and leave its bitter taste on his tongue.

“They’re my family,” he whispered softly, his lips barely letting the words escape. He closed his eyes, his vision on his child and wife. Olalla who cried herself to sleep at night, while he was away releasing his pent up lust. How could he have done this to her? To Nora?

“You’re family? Like your mother and grandmother?”

He looked down at her, had she really not known who they were before? Had she not realized what he had meant?

He sighed, “no. Olalla is my wife, Nora is my daughter.” he replied slowly, his eyes looking at her. He watched as her face contorted, and she pulled her hands to her chest. She shook her head, and covered herself with the sheet.

“Why didn’t you tell me? Why did you keep leading me on?”

“I don’t know. Victoria, you made me feel so alive. You still make me feel so alive, and in this short span I’ve gotten to spend with you, I’ve fallen in love with you. And I somehow thought I could keep this façade, this second life going. But I had forgotten, that I had marked myself with their names, and thus set my own demise. Victoria, I love you, as I love Olalla. I don’t know what that makes me as I person, but know that I can’t lose you now.”

“Fernando, I want you to take me home.”

“Victoria, please. I am sorry.”

“Fernando, please just take me home. I need to leave.”

Fernando sighed, and nodded. He would take her home. He slipped out of the bed and slipped on his clothes, his head hung low. He watched as she dressed in silence, her expression somber and shameful.

“Victoria, I -”

“Just let me be, Fernando, please. I just need some time.”

“I am leaving for three weeks, Will you let me know when you set the date for the spread?”

Victoria looked up at him, and shook her head. How could she have let herself get so caught up in this relationship, before she had even had time to start her prior engagement with the rest of the team?

“Fine,” she said flatly, her mind too preoccupied with shame to reply much more. She felt sick to her stomach at the sight of him. How repulsive he was to her now in this light. “You know what, I’ll hail a cab.”



▲▼



Olalla closed her eyes. She was so tired, her body ached, and her feet rested against the bathtub edge, swollen and bright pink. she slid her hands across her belly, caressing the unborn child within her. she felt him kick and turn at her touch and she smiled half heartedly at the reaction. It was so quiet in the house, Nora was fast asleep in her crib and she was the only one awake in the house. 
 


“Olalla.”

At the sound of her name, Olalla gasped. She shot open her eyes to see Fernando’s tired eyes looking back at her.



“Que estas haciendo aqui?”(what are you doing here?) she asked slowly, her body sinking deeper into the water.



“Regrese.”(I came back)Fernando made his way to the edge of the tub and kneeled beside her. He ran his fingertips softly against, the curve of her face.

“Te extrane.”(i missed you)
She turned her face away from his caress, “Olalla, que pasa?”(what’s wrong?)



“Esta llorando Nora,”(Nora’s crying)Olalla, replied slowly.


Fernando nodded and got up to check on his daughter, he was ashamed and Olalla’s reservation toward him, made the guilt weigh even more inside his stomach. He walked into Nora’s room and towards the small crib pushed against the wall. He cooed softly at the child as he held her against him, her cries losing their voluming and ceasing to little breaths against his neck.

 He heard the door close behind him and felt Olalla’s cool hands wrap around Nora’s small body. Nora’s head rolling from his shoulder on to her mother’s. He watched Olalla give Nora a kiss on her cheek, whispering her love to the child before placing her back into the crib.



“Vente,”(Come,) Olalla whispered, grabing his hand in the darkness. He followed her slowly, her body coming into view at the soft light of the hallway, he watched her hips sway gently beneath her cotton robe. She led him into the kitchen, and let go of his hand. He watched her pull out two mugs from the cabinet and place them on the countertop beside the oven. He watched her waltz around their kitchen without a sound, getting milk and chocolate to make a favorite drink of his. He longed to caress her shoulders, to kiss that tender spot on her neck and hold her in his arms. He longed to feel the warmth of her lips against his, her tender touch, and hear her laugh against his chest. He longed to see her smile. He had to restrain himself from breaking in front of her, restrain the feeling of total destruction and agony. Hold himself against their island counter to keep from falling onto the floor and crawling to her feet, and sob his heart out. She could not know of his betrayal, he could not bare to lose her, to lose Nora. He needed Olalla, he needed her to love him, needed her to live; to survive. Fernando didn’t know what it was to come home and not see her there, to not hear the hum of her voice throughout the house; throughout his life. Olalla had been there through it all, since he was eight he remembered how barer and stronger she was than him. How she could take on challenges and defeats with ease, while he always ended up caught, unable to find a way out. It was always her who knew the way, it was her that always guided him. 



The sound of the china against the granite top brought him back to her. Her eyes searched his face briefly before retreating to a seat across from him. She leaned against the counter her hands around the mug, her eyes set on Fernando’s. 



“Por que regresastes?” (Why did you come back?)



“Por que te extrane” (Because i missed you)



“No,” Olalla replied taking a sip of the steaming beverage, “Eso es una mentira,” (That’s a lie).
Fernando burned his tongue; the fiery liquid swirling against his mouth. He swallowed the drink, his eyes shut in pain.



“No es verdad,”(No, that’s the truth).



“Si fuera Fernando, no te uvieras hido en primer lugar.”(If that were the truth, you would’ve never left in the first place)