Conscious Thought

As black washed away and color started to paint itself, I was startled by noise. Everything started to cave in around me and realization smacked my body. It didn't just hit her in the face and wake her up, it bruised her body and she sat up straight, eyes wide and in pain. She jerked her arm forward and it halted, her eyes traveled to the cord connected to her wrist. She was connected to an Intravenous machine. She clenched her eyes shut and the pain that had woken her, momentarily disappearing when she noticed the I.V, had returned. She whimpered as her body jerked, then a taunting voice entered her ears. She caved.

'Relax. It'll only keep you here longer if you thrash around. Keep still. You're still a menace, I see.'

Her moans of immense pain had washed out the voice and she never caught half of the words that had seemingly appeared from the outside world. The pain subsided, a nurse had scrambled around in shock of the urgency in the doctors' voice, terrified to get fired, she grabbed the needle.

It flowed gently, the needle was effortlessly being pushed, ceasing as the last drop flowed through the girls blood stream, as she stopped thrashing. Her movement became minimal, her heartbeat retained a normal speed. The liquid now flowing through her blood, making its way to her cranium. Her eyes drooped close as the last of the liquid had reached her brain.

She was knocked out.



'His name is Leo.' Her voice filled the ears of the innocent boy. He stood at five foot and seven inches. His clothes he had thrown on, unconscious whether they were clean or dirty. He was aware there was a possibility they were dirty, they had been laying on his bedroom floor. He had thrown on his black - collared t-shirt and a faded denim jeans. His hair, he had ran his hands through a few times. Overall he cared not about his appearance.

'His name is Leo. He's impulsive, never forgets to let an insult slip his tongue.' She giggled, he wasn't aware that a joke had arisen. He didn't see the humor in being insulted by anyone. He cracked a lopsided smile, she smiled back. When she smiled or laughed, she squinted he noticed. They had only met less than five minutes ago and he was already noticing the tiny details about her that would make any lover jealous. He inwardly cringed.

'Leo doesn't like you. He says that you're a dirty boy, I don't know where he gets that thought but you look neat and tidy. At least to me.' She laughed. He still didn't catch onto any joke that he was aware of. He chuckled, to amuse her further.

'I'm sorry, I got to go. Tomorrow, same time?' She asked, holding out her hand. He stared on at her, mind reveling in the obvious facts that this girl must have somehow lost a few brain cells upon birth. He took her hand in his, smiling awkwardly at her. She smiled brightly, the color disappearing from her eyes the second before she, too, disappeared.

'His name is Leo.' He heard her voice, just before she completely disappeared, whisper. He whipped around in all directions, her voice had seemingly entered his ears at a close proximity.



The second she had disappeared, a boy awoke in the same hospital she was emitted in. He lurched forward, his eyes widened. The female, presumably a mother, opened her eyes and gasped. He turned his head towards her and whispered, 'Her name is Holly.' He repeated several times.

She stared on at her son, shocked that after two years he had awoken from his coma. 'Her name is Holly. She says, 'You are a no good, dirty slut.' His eyes were vacant, the ghost had appeared, secrets were pouring into the open air. Minuscule fragments of secrets picked up into the child's voice box.

'She speaks her mind, my conscience, Holly.' He stared at her, eyes without life. She moved out of her chair and ran down the corridor to the front desk, frantically spurting out that her son was alive.

'My son, Leo, he's just awoken. Please, you have to get a doctor to check him out. Please, his name is Leo. He's in room...' She had hurried out of the room so fast she had forgotten to check what room he was checked into. She stared hard at the nurse. Her eyes were pleading for this nurse to listen to her. She pointed down a corridor. 'He's down this corridor, please, help my son. His name is Leo.'

'Ma'am I'm afraid no one has been checked into under the name of Leo, if you could just provide me with a surname we might be able to find someone else.' The nurse raised her head from the computer waiting for the woman to speak.

'Please, my son Leo has just awoken, you have to send a doctor down that corridor,' She pointed again to the corridor she had arrived from. 'Please just send a doctor. His name is Leo.'

'Ma'am, I'm sorry but you're going to have to come with me, we're leaving the hospital. We're getting you off the premises.' She was pulled away from the nurse by a burly security. All the while, out the door and to the back of a truck she kept murmuring the same words.

'His name is Leo.' Her voice never quavered. She wasn't insane, but she wasn't completely sane. She was right, one way or another.



The wind blew past her shoulder-length brunette hair. She felt her dress pick up under the wind and flow to the gentle music of the trees, children laughing. She could hear it all, the carousel, the laughter of her little boy, her own laughter joining in moments later.

She wasn't aware of this memory, but it disappeared as soon it had materialized. Another memory appeared, this time the boy looked different. The first boy had blond curly-locks atop of his head. This boy had brunette hair. The clothes remained the same: a green polo shirt and knee-hugging jeans.

'Mommy, Holly isn't happy. She says you're a dirty slut, you should know to wear a longer dress mommy.' The innocence of each boy that flashed by her eyes, along with the scenery, stopped her from slapping them across the face. She wanted them to stop the lies, there was no Holly, she was not a slut. Still, each eyes of every boy had no life. They were dull, gray, vacant.

The clouds that loomed in their eyes, the storm was arising, the blue-gray sea was brewing as the wind blew the sea water in multiple directions. She saw the ship-wrecks behind each boys' eyes, she was lost out to sea. She was surrounded by Holly, she wanted Holly to disappear, along with the trembling lies. She soon became to believe, it was breaking her to pieces.



'His name is Leo. His name is Leo. His name is Leo.' She repeated, still in the back of the car. She wasn't resisting. She sat on the bench provided in the car, her eyes traveling across the floor, vacant and without emotions. Her hands were clasped between her knees, knocking every time a bump in the road provided the car to jerk. She continued muttering the four words, unfazed that no one was around to hear.

She jerked forward, continuing her chanting as though the car had never stopped in the first place. She was then grabbed the upper biceps - she continued her chanting.

'--- His name is Leo. His name is Leo. His name is Leo. His name is Leo. ---' She averted her eyes to the ground, unfazed by the stares of those around her. Her disheveled hair made those around her think she was insane. She was heading towards Huntlee's Asylum.

'--- His name is Leo. His name is Leo. His name is Leo. His name is Leo. His name is Leo. his name is Leo. His name is Leo. ---' She continued her repetitive chanting, unfazed as she was sat down. Her hands were jerked to the arm of the chair, cuffs were brought to either arm of the wooden chair.

Symbolically, the chains were to represent her thoughts and actions to be locked as merely thoughts. She couldn't attack anyone if provoked. In this situation, she was being interrogated by an officer who had not been trained in the area of psychotic patients. He had arrived and entered through the door near the glass-pane windows. He held the important, but rather limited, file in his hand and sat down across from the woman. He noticed the chains and sighed.

'Leo doesn't like you, but don't worry Leo says I'm a slut. Leo, you know,' She licked her lips, his eyes glanced downwards to her lips as she did so. 'Leo doesn't like many people. Especially not me. Leo is my conscience.' Her eyes traveled down further, his following hers. Her eyes stopped upon the badge on his polo shirt.

'Jack Gelling,' She appeared to be in deep concentration, a noise emitted from her throat. A sound of triumph. 'Jack Gelling, how are you? Is your wife doing alright? Your son, has he come home from school yet?' She smiled, taunting him with the knowledge he had never unleashed into the open.

'Jack Gelling, you have a ring on your finger. That indicates you have been married, and by the color of the band, you've been married for --' She paused, mulling in her thoughts for another moment. 'For twenty years. You have a son the age of five, or six.' She smile returned, continuing to taunt his nervous behaviour. She was feeding of his nerves as he sat sweating at the nape of his neck.

'You have a little bit of paint, it's right --' She leaned forward over the table, restrained by the cuffs, her tongue darted out between her lips and licked off the paint that was smeared on his chin. 'there.' She sat back and watched his eyes shift behind his eyelids. He was nervous to look back at her, giving her no more leverage.

'Leo says Jack Gelling is afraid to face me. I think Leo is correct. Do you Jack Gelling?' His eyes were shifting behind is lids. His neck, he was aware, had gathered more perspiration. He shifted the chair backwards, opened his eyes and left the conference room.

Before he left he had her muttering to herself. 'Bad Holly, Leo doesn't like it when you scare people too soon. Listen to Leo, Holly. Don't get ahead of Leo, Holly, he'll hurt you again.' He closed the door and let a sigh pass through his lips.

He looked over towards his boss and took note of the stern, anger emotion written across his face and shrugged. The higher authority of the two sighed and nodded, he was aware that it was Jack's first time on the job and he wasn't expecting much information to have been achieved, but there was improvement. As minimal as the improvement had been Jack had gotten the woman to speak more than just the words of the incantation she had been muttering to herself on the drive to Huntlee's Asylum.

'-- His name is Leo. His name is Leo. His name is Leo. His name is Leo. His name is Leo. His name is Leo. His name is Leo. --'



'Sir, we need you to understand that you are the only one listed under her emergency contacts.' He nodded, he was aware of that fact being her sister after all. They started the journey down the corridor, he glanced left and right. He was unaware that none of these patients could see him but they staring in a manner as though they knew he was standing there visiting one of them.

'They can't see you. It's designed to allow us to see them and for them to have no idea we are studying their progressing behaviour, or lack thereof.' He turned his head to look at the doctor, skepticism grew within him.

'Lack thereof, are you telling me she hasn't progressed at all?' He was shocked to hear this news, three months she had been locked in this Asylum and nothing had come out of it. What was the use of locking her away if they could not fix her? He voiced this opinion. 'I pay you weekly money just for no results, what's the use of keeping her here?'

'We assure you, we have high hopes for your sister. In time she will crack.' They had arrived at her cell. He could see it all clearly now, the state of her appearance upset him greatly. The cell she was held captive had no padded walls, it was gray cement. She sat with her elbows to her chin and still he could see her mouth muttering words.

Her head whipped up all in a second, she stood and stumbled forward until she stood hunched, looking eye-to-eye towards her brother. She wore a grin that bounced off her face, her eyes were still without any trace of emotions lurking behind them. He was staring into the abyss of a stormy sea, swallowed by the vicious waves. He was crashing against the rocks as the sea raged on behind her eyes. The gray clouds were looming overhead threatening to throw in a rainstorm with the already violent nature looming upon him from her eyes.

A simple hand to his shoulder had awoken him from his gaze within her eyes and he nodded. 'She keeps repeating herself over and over again. No one has gotten her to utter any other words since she has arrived. Do you perhaps know what she means by 'His name is Leo'? No one else can figure it out.' He nodded.

'My name is Leo, I'm her brother. I don't know what she means by those words though.' He still continued to stare back at his sister, as she too was staring him straight in the eyes. He watched her lift a hand, covering her eyes and she smirked, removing her hand and repeating the same process. He got the message. 'I can see you.' Her smirk grew wider, he grimaced.

'This is progress, we've never seen her move before.' Leo turned to the doctor, confusion written clearly all over his face, eyebrows arched and lips tight.

'She's playing Peek-A-Boo and you call this progress, my sister is clearly out of her mind --' He was interrupted by his sister.

'Leo isn't very nice today, Leo is in a bad, bad mood. He makes Holly upset. Leo calls Holly a dirty slut.' Leo, momentarily confused, shocked that Holly would say something horrible about him, but he knew the truth behind those words.



She sat on the edge of her bed, the floral doona scrunched into her hands, crinkling each time she tightened her fists. She was frightened, awaiting the consequences of her action. She had taken a peak into the basement during the times of nine to ten. Although she knew she was supposed to be asleep at eight, she was unaware of the noise that had kept her awake. She remembered the faint banging noise of something against the wall, and her curiosity peaked. She took a glance down into the basement and was caught, now she awaited the thundering footsteps and the booming voice.

'Holly, you're not allowed down into the basement and what are you doing awake. On second thoughts, don't answer. My god child, you are going to be the death of me.' Holly glanced at her feet as they swung to and fro.

'Look at me, god dammit,' She widened her eyes at the tightened grip of the hands on her shoulders as she was forcefully shaken into staring at her brother. She knew, without feelings, the doona cover must feel the same way between her fingers, she gingerly let out them out of her grasp as the tears shakily threatened to fall.

'Leo, I -- I know I'm not -- not allowed down there, but -- but there was so much noise, and -- and I couldn't sleep. So much noise.' She whimpered between her sullen breath as the tears trailed down her cheeks, landing in a puddle on her upper legs.

'You stupid slut, you're never to go down into the basement again. You ruined a perfect moment for sexual intercourse. You're stupid and a slut. I want you to repeat that until you fall asleep, you little slut.' His grasp had loosen on her shoulder, she felt the bone lag underneath her skin once the contact was lost.

Holly let out a whimper, she knew not what the words meant but the tone was obvious to her ears. She lay back down once the door had closed behind her brother's figure and repeated the words he had asked of her. Leo stood outside the door, his hand on the knob, regretting his momentary anger loss. He let out a shaky breath and whispered his apology to the empty air.

The memory remains, pictures are our words. If time fails to hold our beauty we entrust our memory and those photographs we take spur of the moment to fill the void. Holly was unfortunate to develop her memories into her brain. She had developed a conscience that reminded her a lot of her brother, she named him after her brother because of the consistent harsh words that encircled her mind.

Leo was unaware that the thoughts that plagued his sister was enough to commit her to an asylum, claiming of an ill child that had awoken. Let alone that it shared his name, but he knew of the memory she spoke of. He had been ill one summer, age of six years age he had slipped into coma due to a concussion her suffered. Nevertheless, he understood the precaution that each staff took around her.

His nine year old sister was an asylum freak and somewhere in the depth of his heart he felt his spine curl at the horrible thought that she deserved it. The dirty slut deserved to be locked up. He still continued, at the age of twenty-nine, with his bohemian lifestyle. While his sister sat in the asylum recounting the tears and the memories plagued. He signed over her life to the doctors, and he was glad to be rid of the burden that caused him pain.

He was still aware that he was shocked she was reduced to be another one of the crazies locked up, but he wore a sinister grin every time someone mentioned his sister's name and he replied: 'Man, she's in an asylum. I'm glad to be rid of her slutty ass.' Nevertheless, tears were shed every night he remembered his sweet, innocent sister. At twenty-three years old she was committed to an asylum.