Denial.

My behind makes contact with the floor and I grunt. The guys laugh from above me and I open my eyes to watch their smirks turn into triumphant smiles. The four of them stand before me, each throwing a different kind of insult my way that I simply shrug off because I know that the only reason they tease me is to make themselves feel better but still, I frown.

Not because of them but because of the fact that Jordan is just across the gym watching just watching. It isn’t unusual for me to be teased a bit during gym because of my smaller figure and terrible ability at anything athletic other than skate boarding but Jordan…he normally stands up for me.

The normal Jordan would stomp over here with a scowl on his face and shove the guys away. He’d help me up, smile, and ask me if I was all right and once I answered he would go to scolding the boys who dare tease me. And afterwards he would grumble angrily to himself and me about what jerks they are and how I shouldn’t listen to them and oh how it would make my heart pound inside me to know that Jordan actually cared.

But today he doesn’t do anything but fucking watch. Maybe it wouldn’t have bothered me because Jordan does associate with these guys so he wouldn’t want to make them hate him but right now is different because it’s been a little over two weeks since Jordan has done anything. When I say anything I mean talk, help or even acknowledge me.

I’m surprised that he’s actually looking over here right now because ever since he canceled movie night he’s been avoiding me like the plague. In the halls when I call for him, he runs off. Over the internet when I send him messages on myspace, face book or even text him he ignores it and never answers. If I call, he never picks up.

Most would take this as a sign that the other party wants nothing to do with them and trust me, I do take it that way. I get it that he doesn’t want to see or talk to me but it…it just fucking pisses me off! How dare he, how dare he! So what if I’m gay? It’s not that big of a deal. I’m still Dillon and I’ll always be. Sexuality does not change who I am but Jordan he’s…he’s treating me like I expected everyone but him to treat me.

Sure I was scared before about him hating me but I guess at the same time I thought that he wouldn’t hate me because he’s Jordan and Jordan is just too kind for that. I guess I was wrong.

Fuck him. He made it seem like he was ok with it or at least just needed some time to get use to it and now here we are, weeks later and he’s treating me like this. He’s letting such a thing ruin our friendship and it’s bull shit, complete and utter bull shit and wrong in every shape and form!

Latching my teeth onto my bottom lip, I glare up at the guys who are still bugging me. I get to my feet and use my shoulders to shove past them. One shouts at me but I ignore him to stomp off to the boys locker room, making sure to shove my shoulder into Jordan’s chest on the way in. If he was angered by it, I don’t know or care.

I change quickly and leave without telling the coach. It’s not like he’d notice my absence anyways. Actually, he’ll probably be happy about it because he won’t have to yell at me every time I mess something up. Just thinking about it makes me roll my eyes.

Reaching my locker, I shuffle through my books and grab what is needed for next period and I wait patiently behind the stairs for the bell to ring. As I wait I think of what I should do about this Jordan situation. A part of me wants to never talk to him again but another, much larger, wants me to walk up to him, kick the shit out of his sorry ass, and scream at him for letting this ruin our friendship.

Huffing, I throw my head into my hands. At the sound of the bell I stand and stalk off to next period. For the rest of the day I put a smile on my face although on the inside I’m bitchier than a woman going through menopause. I laugh along with the guys and act like same old Dillon but really I can’t stop thinking about anything and everything Jordan.

What am I going to do? I’m not sure anymore. I don’t want us to end this way but if he can’t stand being friends with Dillon, the real Dillon, than I don’t want to be his friend either.

This is all just too complex.

The last bell of the day rings and everyone files out of the room with me right behind them. My feet carry me to my locker where I rip it open and grab the needed materials to take home. After shutting it I take a glance down the hall to see Jordan at his locker with Shelby.

Like a wild animal, I snarl angrily and I think that’s why my friends don’t speak to me or ask why I’m stomping towards Shelby while glaring at her in such a way that it should be considered murder. Even I don’t know why I’m doing it because I’m not sure what all I want or should say to Jordan but that doesn’t stop me. Once I reach the slut, I put on a fake smile that could make anyone cry and step beside Jordan.

Again, she’s trying to get Jordan and herself alone but I cut her off by saying, “Sorry, but Jordan and I have something planned for tonight.”

Shelby looks at Jordan curiously while I look up at him through my fringemore like glare. He looks from Shelby to me and when his eyes meet mine and see how intensely I’m glaring he nods his head without question and replies, “Uh y-yeah…me and Dillon are hanging out tonight…sorry Shelby.”

Before she can say anything Jordan and I are already half down the hall way. My hand is gripping his wrist. The feel of his skin against my finger tips sends a shiver down my spine but the anger, the pain and the betrayal are currently beating down any type of “crush like” feelings that come to me by being so close to the boy.

I continue tugging on his arm although he’s asking me questions. In no time we’re at his car and I ask, “Are your parents home?” He replies with a no. “We’re going to your house than. I have something I want to talk about with you.”

“What is it?” Jordan asks but by the look on his face I can tell he knows what I’m talking about. He slowly gets into the car and so do I, buckling myself in and growling.

“I’m sure you know damn well what.”

Jordan’s eyes stare at the road but his body is shivering slightly. “I already told you, Dillon. I canceled movie night because of all the work piling up-”

“Bull shit!” I screech, debating on punching him right in the jaw but he’s driving and I don’t feel like dying today. “Don’t lie to me, Jordan. We both know you didn’t cancel because of that!”

Jordan grumbles and his knuckles tighten against the steering wheel. I groan and fall back into the seat, rubbing the bridge of my nose. Taking in a deep breath I spill it out, “You’re a fucking asshole!”

“An Asshole?”

“Yeah, an asshole! You act like you’re my friend and hell, you seemed like you were kind of ok with me being gay but then you do what everyone else would do. You fucking ignore me and treat me like shit, well let me tell you Jordan that I’ve been gay! I’ve been gay for a while and just because I like guys doesn’t make me a different Dillon! You’re just like all the other fake pieces of shit in our school!”

Jordan slams on the brakes, sending me forward but luckily I place my arm on the dashboard before my head made contact. Opening my eyes after the intial shock, I look at Jordan, about ready to go ape shit on his ass but he beats me to it.

“Don’t you call me a fucking fake, Dillon! You don’t know anything or what I’m feeling. You’re just jumping to conclusions about everything!”

A car horn blares angrily behind us and Jordan picks up speed. I slam back into my seat and clutch onto the door frame but continue yelling at him although it’s dangerous. Getting angry and driving at the same time is not a good thing. “How am I jumping to conclusions? That’s it, right! You’re avoiding me, not talking to me, you hardly even look at me Jordan! If I’m wrong than what is it? What the fuck is wrong with you!”

“Nothing, it’s none of your damn business!” He hollers, pulling into the drive way of his house. He jumps out of the car and tries to get to his front door before me but I slam my foot between the crack and we both know he’s stronger but I’m guessing he’s still human and just didn’t want to hurt me.

He lets go of the door and I walk into his house, shutting the door with more force than necessary. “It is my business because it’s affecting our friendship! Now tell me the truth. If you aren’t avoiding me because I’m gay and you hate me than what is it?”

Jordan stands before me, his dark hair shielding his eyes from view. With one hand shoved in his jean pocket and the other combing through his hair he replies in a voice that is hardly above a whisper yet somehow the words seem loud and clear to me. They echo off the walls to hit me, hard, over and over again and I can’t believe it but he said it. I know I didn’t hear wrong. He really said it.

“Because I’m gay too.”