Denial.

I hung up the phone with a small smile on my lips. Everything really did work out, but the fact that we have to keep our relationship a secret will be horrible. I mean, it’s not a relationship yet because I haven’t even taken him out on a date once, but whatever we have going on will always have to be kept a secret. No one can know, unless we truly trust someone to the point that we know they won’t hate us for anything.

If things work out the way I hope they do, and apparently the way that Dillon hopes for them to work out as well, we wouldn’t have the chance to hold each other in public. We can’t kiss, hug, hold hands, or even allow our arm to lazily wrap around the others waist, pulling them close. We wouldn’t be able to do anything out of the ordinary for us. Nothing outside of the lines of an ordinary friendship. Nothing but playfully bumping each other and mussing the others hair with the goal to annoy them though the action would be laced with the hidden intention of making them blush.

Not going to lie, but the idea that everything would be a secret makes the enter experience of dating Dillon more mysterious and inviting. Every time we’d get away with something we’d feel totally badass. But everyone knows that situations like this are often doomed from the start because people need those little public displays of affection to keep them going. The question is: is Dillon worth it?

The answer? Of course he is.

With that thought on my mind, I allowed my eyes to gently slip shut, waiting for sleep to overtake me because when I open my eyes the next morning, I know that I’ll be able to see Dillon, my sort-of boyfriend.

***************

My eyes shot open as I slammed my fist down on the button on my alarm clock, effectively shutting it off immediately. That loud beeping never ceases to irritate me, but it has never failed to wake me up in the morning. It’s a win/lose situation, I guess.

I brought my fists up to my eyes as I lazily began to stumble around my room, grabbing some clothes to throw onto my body lazily. I settled on a pair of white skinnies, a blue polo, blue vans, and my varsity jacket. I wanted to look a bit nicer today for my Dillon. I smiled softly as I looked in the mirror, brushing my teeth quickly and running a comb through my hair lazily, effectively untangling the few knots that somehow formed overnight. I decided to skip the hat today because I’m not trying to cover up a bad hair day or hide my eyes if I happen to fall asleep in class. In fact, today is probably the most awake I’ve been in a while because that’s what happened when you are just bursting at the seams with excitement and anticipation.

When my appearance looked like it was okay enough, I grabbed my backpack and quickly descended the staircase, choosing not to even acknowledge my mother and father’s presence in the kitchen. As I passed them, I could scarcely hear a disappointed sigh as my mother didn’t receive yet another morning greeting from yours truly. I’ve been basically ignoring them lately because of their overwhelming levels of idiocy and I’m not breaking that streak because they’d inevitably find a way to drag down my mood again and I’d be screwed. Today I’m in a completely ecstatic and happy mood and I just refuse to have it ruined.

Today will be a good day, I can feel it.

I quickly went out to the driveway and hopped into my car, pulling out immediately without worrying about buckling my seatbelt or any other rules for safe driving. I may have ran a few red lights too, but those don’t really matter since there was no one going the other way anyway and people do it all the time. I’m not going to go to hell because I broke driving laws once in my life. I truly am a careful driver, but I’m just so high on happiness that I couldn’t give a shit right now.

I pulled into the student parking lot and parked in my designated spot, jumping out of my car the second I put it in park, almost forgetting my backpack on the passenger’s side seat. I quickly started to make my way to the south wall of the school that was lined with woods. I know that that is usually the area that all of the skaters like to hang out in before school, during lunch, and after school. And I also know for a fact that Dillon could always be found there with his best friend who I believe is named Zach. I don’t know Zach very well, but I have every intention of getting to know him later because it’s good to know about your boyfriend’s best friend. It’s like an unspoken dating code. You have to be on their good side or you’re inevitable screwed.

Quick greetings and compliments were exchanged as I made my way to the unfamiliar territory. People were complimenting my outfit, saying that I look so different dressed up, and I plastered on a fake smile to thank them when all I wanted to do was yell that they were stupid. Each time a new female would walk up to me, compliment me or bat those false eyelashes, my stomach would coil a bit more. I have nothing against the female population, just those around my school because they fit into the slutty stereotype. Now, if you were to introduce me to a female that respects her body, she’d probably be one of my best friends. But each time one of the slutty ones approached me, I just wanted to scream and exclaim that I wasn’t dressed nicer than normal for them. I don’t want their attention and I don’t care about their impressions of me. I did this for Dillon. All of this is for Dillion and only his opinion matters to me, no one else’s at the moment.

I’m sure the novelty of the entire situation will wear off eventually and he won’t constantly be swarming my mind, but at the moment, I’m perfectly okay with him being my main focus and worry. We have to see if everything between us works out and I’d be damned if it doesn’t because I sure as hell want it to. It has to.

I quickly rounded the corner of the building, peeking over my shoulder to make sure no one followed me and sighing with relief when no one did. I continued on, focusing on the familiar head of long, black hair once it came to view. I came up behind him and gently placed my hand on his shoulder, waiting for the conversation between him and who I believe to be Zach come to a halt.

“Do you mind if I take him for a few minutes?” I asked politely. “There’s something important that I need to talk to him about.” I explained.

He eyed me suspiciously, his lips thinning into a line. What the hell is that about? But even though it seemed that he radiated with nothing but uneasiness and lack of trust, he let me steer Dillon into the woods anyway. He really doesn’t like me. Fuck, that’s not good at all.

But I cleared that thought out of my mind real quick as I realized we were far enough into the woods that the school could barely be seen through the cracks of the bushes, but we couldn’t be seen or heard unless someone came in and followed us. Perfect.

I turned around, gently leaning Dillon against a tree as I leaned my forehead against his. “Morning, boyfriend,” I said cheerily, staring into his eyes though his adorably long black hair was clouding my view of them. If he were anyone else, I’d tell them to cut it, but just because it’s him, I want him to keep it. It’s perfect for him, emphasizing his adorableness and childishness and it’s just completely unique. It makes his lips look really plump and inviting too.

“Morning,” he said timidly, scruffing the toe of his Vans against my worn down sneakers shyly. I chuckled as I leaned down, connecting our lips softly. His hand lazily came up to caress my cheek as our lips opened and closed against each others, the kiss being simple and sweet, but leaving me craving more. I didn’t want to overdo it though. We were relatively new to this whole thing and our title isn’t exactly official, nor do we know where this will inevitably go, so I pulled away softly, not wanting to make him feel like I’m forcing myself on him or taking things too quickly.

“I can do that now,” I informed him, leaning away with a triumphant smile adorning my lips.

He rolled his eyes and slugged me in the arm, smiling nervously as he stood on his tip-toes to press one last, tiny lingering kiss to my lips.

“Yes you can,” he said simply before heading out of the woods. I quickly followed him, entangling our fingers loosely until I could clearly see the head of someone who I assumed to be one of Dillon’s acquaintances since they could occasionally be seen hanging out together. “Wait!” Dillon called when I was about to break through the brush.

I looked back at him, hiding behind the bush again so no one would clearly see me unless they were trying extremely hard to spot something out of the ordinary in the bushes. “I just wanted to tell you that I told Zach about us,” he whispered shyly, grabbing my hand. “Don’t be mad at me,” he begged, “but I was excited and wanted to tell someone and I trust him and he’s okay with it.” He elaborated, biting his lip nervously.

I held back a slight frown at the fact that he told someone without consulting me first, but that’s understandable. He trusts Zach, therefore I trust him too. Hell, if he can tell Zach, maybe I can tell Danny. It all depends on how it turns out with Zach. He can be like a test run. I mean, him and Danny are two completely different people. Zach seems to be more easy going and Danny can be very thick-headed about some things, especially things like gay men. I think I’d horrify him…

“If you want him to know, it’s okay with me,” I assured him, grasping his hand softly before releasing it. “Just be careful with who you tell.”

“I know,” he said quickly, before exiting the brush, motioning to me to follow behind him, so I did exactly that.

He walked back up to Zach, elbowing me playfully the entire time, a small smile on his lips, not even acknowledging Zach who seemed to have a really pissed off look on his face. I sent a questioning nod towards him, but he just glared at me, a look that clearly said, “I do not approve,” etched into his features.

I wanted to turn around and pull Dillon into the brush with me, but he was already in front of Zach, hugging him happily and whispering something in his ear. Zach immediately softened once Dillon approached him, as if he had no problem with him being gay, but the thing that bugged him was me.

“Jordan’s gonna be eating lunch with us so you two can get to know each other!” Dillon exclaimed, leaning towards me slightly as if he were tired and needed support instead of him wanting to cuddle into my body.

“Um… I guess…” I said, shooting a questioning glace at Dillon that he just shooed away. What Dillon wants Dillon gets.

“Oh, that sounds fun,” Zach deadpanned looking at me before taking Dillon’s hand and dragging him away, claiming he needed to get a book out of his locker.

I was left standing there in an area that I would normally never set foot in, watching my secret boyfriend get dragged away from me by his best friend who seems to hate me when possibly the worst realization dawned on me.

Zach’s jealous of me. And we all fucking know that jealousy does nothing but cause problems.