Denial.

A dreamy sigh escapes my lips the moment Zach and I are away. With my back pressed against the cool metal lockers, I smile and stare up at the ceiling like a love-struck idiot, which I am but just ignore that. I scuff my feet across the floor, somehow not hearing what Zach’s talking about.

I don’t really like the fact that Jordan and I have to hide this. I want to hold his hand in public, kiss him in front of those sluts to show that he’s mine but…greed won’t get us anywhere. A lot of couples, straight or not, don’t hug, kiss or hold hands in public because they think it’s something they should do on their own time so I’m sure we can handle this. Still…knowing that we have to hide our relationship because getting ourselves caught could hurt the both of us just makes it hard.

It pisses me off knowing that there’s so many people who won’t accept us for who we are. At the same time I’m pissed at myself because I’m too scared to lose those people if they knew who I really was. I’m such a coward…

Suddenly, Zach’s hand is on my shoulder shaking me roughly. It breaks me out of my train of thought and I whip my head to the side to face him. Frowning, I ask, “Sorry, what did you say?”

Zach sighs, something he’s been doing a lot this morning. Something is up but I’m not sure what it is. “Nothing, never mind. Lets just get to class.”

“What’s up, man? You’re acting kind of down in the dumps this morning. A girl deny you or something?” I tease, elbowing him playfully in the side but he doesn’t seem to find amusement in the joke because he simply grunts and looks away.

“Drop it.”

I frown, something is obviously up…

~

Lunch rolls around faster than I thought and the excitement is running through my veins. Not only will Jordan be sitting with me but with my friends as well. I haven’t told anyone other than Zach about us so the guys don’t know but it’ll be nice for them to accept them as my friend.

Normally I sit at the head of the table but today I moved down a seat for Jordan. Harry, Isaac and Yelenik appear, each taking their designated seats. Zach is already beside me, eating his chicken sandwich silently, which is really odd but he’s been acting odd all day. If he’s just going to snap at me I’m not going to ask what’s wrong. He needs to stop being a little bitch and just tell me what’s going on.

“So, I heard Mr. Popularity is sitting with us today?” Harry asks, looking at me curiously.

“Yep,” I reply, praying that my voice doesn’t show how excited I really am.

“Why?” Isaac asks through a mouthful of food. I chuckle because he sounds like a dumb ass.

“Because…is it a problem?” If they don’t want him to sit here then I’ll just sit with him…if it’s ok with him, of course.

“Nah,” Isaac shrugs. “Just curious, after all we aren’t exactly the cool kids.”

“Jordan ain’t that bad though,” Yelenik cuts in with a smile. “He talks to me sometimes. He’s not like the other guys, always shoving us around.”

“True,” Harry and Isaac say in unison, nodding their heads. I smile immediately and straighten up in my seat. It feels great to know that my friends accept Jordan. I don’t know what I’d do if they didn’t.

“Speak of the devil,” Yelenik chuckles, gesturing towards someone behind me. I look back to find Jordan making his way to our table with a tray. He smiles once he reaches us and takes a seat beside me. Our hands brush and I bite my lip to keep myself from smiling idiotically.

“Hey,” Jordan greets everyone and they all speak a greeting in return, well except for Zach but he’s being a bitch at the moment. I nudge said boy in the side to try and get his attention but he just rolls his eyes and looks away.

My stomach clenches when an idea comes to mind. Maybe he’s really not ok with Jordan and I? But if he wasn’t he would have said so. I talked to him on the phone and he said he was ok. He promised me that he was ok and we don’t lie to each other. We just don’t. There’s nothing else that could explain his behavior though.

I bite my lip and decide to speak with him about it later. Looking away, I smile up at Jordan and start a conversation with him.

“I’m glad that you’ve finally decided to convert yourself,” Harry chuckles, catching both of our attention. “Now all we have to do is get you on a board.”

“Already did,” I grin, elbowing Jordan playfully. He smirks and elbows me back. “He’s an epic failure.”

“Am not,” Jordan disagrees, taking a sip of his water. “I can stand on it.”

Our table erupts with laughter while Jordan tries desperately to explain that being able to stand on it is good enough. He frowns and under the table I reach for his hand, taking it in my own for a moment and running my thumb across the back of his hand. He grips my hand for a second before we pull apart.

“I bet none of you could play football.”

“True dat!” Isaac laughs. “Have you seen some of those kids on the other teams? They’re like walking coke machines.”

Jordan laughs. “Yeah, I think they’re parents need to stop feeding them.”

“Definitely. I swear I saw one foaming at the mouth before,” I mumble over the top of my water bottle. Taking a drink, I smile at the laughter around the table. I look beside me at Zach, who finally decided to join the conversation.

“I think some might be on steroids. Their biceps are the size of my fucking head.”

And the conversation about scary football players continues until the end of lunch. At the sound of the bell we all get up and go our separate ways. Jordan and I walk side by side since our classes are in the same direction. Zach is no where to be seen, which makes me frown. I shake it off though and lean towards Jordan.

“You were ok with sitting us today, right?” I ask shyly, hoping that he didn’t find being with my friends and I a stupid thing.

“Yeah,” Jordan chuckles, looking down at me with a smirk that makes my cheeks flush. “They’re weird but I like them.”

“That’s good. You’ll have to sit with us again.”

“Sounds like a plan.”

The two of us have to leave each other too fast. I wave good-bye and head to Zach’s locker. I know that’s where he’ll be at and I really need to talk to him. He’s acting way too weird and if he’s not ok with Jordan and I than I want to know why.

I reach his locker in no time and grab his shoulder. Zach grunts as I pull him to the nearest boys bathroom. I shove him inside and frown. “What the hell is your problem? Is it me being with Jordan because you promised me that you were ok with it! You never lie to me.”

“It’s not that,” Zach grumbles angrily. “I just…I’m ok with you two being gay but I don’t like him.”

“Why not?” I cross my arms.

“Because, how do you know he’s not just playing you?”

I roll my eyes. “I’ve known Jordan forever. He isn’t an asshole like the others.”

“He may just want you to think that way,” Zach grunts, bumping our shoulders together as he moves past me to his next class. Grinding my teeth together, I glare angrily at the exit he took and huff. He’s just being stupid.