Denial.

My pacing had begun to annoy me. It’s an unfortunate habit of mine that I had never had a problem with before. At least, not until I saw Dillon. My cute, little, adorable Dillon, covered in scratches and bruises that he attempted to hide with what seemed to be his mother’s old make-up. I can tell you one thing, he was not the least bit successful with covering everything up. And the worst part is that he didn’t even have to tell me what happened, because I could figure it all out myself. I pieced everything together within seconds.

After all, Danny had still been glaring at me, and he had the smallest black eye that he chalked up to some athletic incident that I didn’t bother allowing anyone to explain to me. It was obvious that Dillon and him had, had an altercation of some sort, despite the fact that I specifically told him not to do so. I didn’t even have to talk to him at all to know what happened.

Honestly, I didn’t want to talk to him right now.

I simply ran home once school was over and began pacing my bedroom, trying to figure out what to do, playing out different scenarios of every possibly choice within the confines of my mind. But no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t will something to happen, nor could I change other people’s minds and alter their beliefs single-handedly. I can only sit in my room, pacing my bedroom floor, my footsteps sinking into my carpet as I hope that they aren’t as bad as I believe them to be.

A sigh forced its way past my lips once I finally made up my mind on my current course of action. I don’t really know if you can call it a course of action, since it’s more or less advice seeking, but the advice will help me figure out my course of action in the end.

Yes, I’m fully aware that that was one, whole convoluted thought that probably made no sense to you.

I ran downstairs, taking the steps two by two, now that an almost forbidden anxiety overwhelmed me. What I was about to do would not be approved by my parents, but that is what makes it all the more exciting. Then again, that also means that I’m running the risk of getting caught. My parents are able to see what numbers I call on my cell phone, so I can’t make a phone call or text him from there. They don’t bother checking the house phone since they prefer to use it and I prefer my cell phone. I’d get away with slipping one tiny personal call between their hundreds of business calls.

I grabbed the phone in the den, as well as the one in my parents shared office space. They’re not home right now, but it means that if they get home while I’m in the middle of my phone call, they won’t be able to pick up the phone and listen in. I hate my lack of privacy within this home.

Once both phones were in my possession, I quickly ran up to my room, slamming the door shut behind me as I leapt across my bed, rolling underneath it to get to my personal safe that my parents didn’t know I owned. Well, it wasn’t really a safe, but it was a box with a lock and a code that only I knew that I used to hide my money and personal items, like my uncle’s phone number and condoms things that would cause my parents a heart attack if they knew I owned them.

I paused, throwing one of the phones uselessly over my shoulder as I carefully dialed the number on the sheet of paper curled in my hand into the buttons on my cordless house phone. With a deep breath, I pressed the send button, holding my breath as I prayed to God that Uncle Mikey would actually pick up the phone instead of ignoring the call, thinking I was my mother attempting to convert him “back to heterosexuality.”

“Hello?” His voice rang through. I could tell he was annoyed. He was debating on not answering the phone, but I’m so happy he did.

“Uncle Mikey?” I asked quickly, all air suddenly leaving my system.

“Jordan?” He asked excitedly, all traces of annoyance disappearing from his tone since he knows I’d never rat him out to my mother. I enjoy talking to him occasionally and he actually does know about me. Well, he knew I was having trouble with my sexuality, he didn’t know that I actually figured everything out myself, but somehow managed to get myself into this whole new mess. “How are you buddy?”

“I could be better,” I admitted. “I actually called to ask you for some help,” I said simply.

“Still having trouble figuring things out?” He asked sympathetically, worry lacing his tone. One thing that I love about my Uncle is that he cares for me no matter what, and without a doubt, he will always be there for me, even if my family disapproves of him. Hell, they’ll disapprove of me eventually too.

“No,” I said. “I figured things out and stuff.”

“And stuff?” He asked around a chuckle.

“I’m gay,” I said flat out, walking towards my window, hiding myself from view so that I could see if my parents were coming home, but they wouldn’t be able to see me on the phone, so they won’t be suspicious.

“I’m glad you figured things out then,” he said around a laugh.

“Yeah, but no one really knows.” I admitted. “You know what our town is like.”

“Please,” he whined over the line, “don’t remind me.”

“Well, I can’t do shit because of it. But there are a few people who know. Like, okay, I have this boy whose like a boyfriend?” I murmured quietly. I don’t know why it came out as a question though.

“What?” He deadpanned, not believing that I was telling the truth.

“He was just one of my friends. I told you about him, Dillon, the one who just made me question things. I walked in on him watching porn once and it was with two guys and I don’t know, one thing led to another, and we started dating secretly,” I admitted. “But, like, we aren’t at the same time,” I tacked on last minute, clarifying things.

“How are you not?”

“Because my best friend found us in the parking lot one day and he hates my guts now and Dillon confronted him and got hurt a bit and no one else besides one of his friends knows who I think may like him too and I don’t know what to do anymore!” I whined, cursing myself within my mind because that was one long run-on sentence that he probably barely understands.

“Danny hates you just because you’re gay?” He asked, bewildered.

“Mom and Dad will hate me once they find out too,” I deadpanned. “Same with the entire town. Doesn’t matter that I’m a star athletic. I like dick,” I muttered that last part bitterly.

“You do know that the rest of the world isn’t this way, right, Jordan?” He asked quietly. “People accept you. It’s just that one, convoluted town that is stuck within its own bubble. People are way more accepting, I promise you.”

“I know that,” I breathed, “and I can’t wait to get out, but right now, I’m stuck here and I need to figure out how to make things right because I really like him, Uncly Mikey, I really do.”

“You think this is gonna be more than a secret thing? You can’t really be together if you have to hide it from the world. It’s gonna end in tragedy, just like it did with Danny finding out.” I couldn’t help but smile as he bit back a bark when he said the name of the boy who no longer considers me his best friend.

“I think he’s worth it,” I admitted. “I mean, he’s so adorable and fascinating and I just love being around him and getting to know him. I love how we’re taking things really slow, but he’s always my friend before he’s my boyfriend.” I admitted.

“Then work things out with him,” he said. “Show him you appreciate him and promise him that no matter what happens, things will end up being okay and you’ll always be there for him. And try to make things right with Danny, just you, alone. Maybe it’ll have more of an effect on him if it’s you, not your little boyfriend…” he murmured.

“And what if things don’t work out?”

“Don’t think like that. Always look at things positively. You never thought you’d find someone and you did, enjoy the time you have together and take each day one at a time,” he instructed me wisely, his age showing through.

“But I can’t look at things positively because the negative aspects of every fucking thing I do is weighing down my mind,” I admitted, throwing my body onto my floor as my hand ran through my hair.

“If all else fails, you know that you’re always welcome in my home with Greg and I,” he assured me. “You and Dillon,” he stressed.

“Greg?” I asked lamely.

“My fiancé,” he admitted. “I haven’t had enough time to tell you anything since I can’t really call you, but he proposed about a month and a half ago,” he said, excitement creeping into his tone. “We’re going to get married at the end of June.

“No way, school ends in June! Maybe I’ll be able to make it!” I said excitedly.

“I’d fly you out to California myself! We’ll figure it out when it’s closer, concoct a plan to throw your parents off, but I have to go right now and it sounds like you have a boy that you need to make things right with. Well, two guys actually, but different types of wrongs to right.”

“Yeah,” I said around a dry-chuckle, not looking forward to doing either of the two things. “Thanks,” I muttered into my phone. “I haven’t had anyone to talk to and everything’s been driving me mad. I really needed this talk, Uncle Mikey.”

“It’s no problem, Jordan. You know that you can call me anytime you need me.”

“I know,” I said around a smile as I attempted to commit his number to memory. I have a feeling that I’ll need his help more often.

“Bye, Jordan.”

“Bye.”

I moved the phone away from my ear, clicking the off button as I grabbed the other one that I had thrown haphazardly onto my floor, walking downstairs to place them back in their rightful spots, no traces of my forbidden conversation to be seen anywhere.

Maybe things won’t be so bad after all. Even if the worse case scenario pans out, I have a place to go, to start anew, and that’s what I needed the entire time I’ve been stressing over everything. I needed an assurance that I’d always have a place to go, and I finally got it.