Denial.

I’m lying on my stomach, trying to finish up some homework-yeah shocking I know-when my bedroom door opens suddenly. Glancing over my shoulder I find my best friend standing in the door way. A smile makes it way to my face, until I see the frown marring his. Sitting up, I tilt my head in curiosity to ask, “Zach, man what’s up?”

Said boy enters the room, shutting the door behind him. The soft click I hear afterwards tells me he has locked it, which is odd but I ask nothing of it. The boy heads over to me to take a seat on my edge of the bed with a heavy sigh that only makes me wonder even more.

“Jordan was over?” Zach asks, avoiding my question. Part of me wants to shake him for ignoring me but since he seems to be in a bad mood I decide against it.

“Yeah, why?”

Zach looks me directly in the eye and growls, I swear it’s a growl, out, “Do you really like him? I mean you two were never that close. He’s just some jock that’s probably pulling your chain.”

Not this again. I groan in annoyance, toss my homework aside because honestly after this I know I won’t want to bother with it. Grumbling, I reply to Zach, “Jordan and I have been friends. So what if we weren’t best friends like you and I are? I like Jordan and he likes me. He isn’t your average jock, you’re just being dumb.”

“Am I?” Zach snaps, standing to his feet in anger. He huffs and begins to stomp about my room, which makes me nervous because honestly, what if my parents hear? I don’t want them coming up here and accidentally hear the two of us talk about my boyfriend. “He’s not good enough for you.”

Not good enough for me? I jump off my bed at that. Fisting my hands, I force myself not to scream, “What the hell makes you say that Zach? You don’t know anything about Jordan because you’re too busy moping when he’s around anyways. Why do you dislike us being together so much? You said you were ok with my sexuali-”

“I am!” Shouts Zach, spinning on his heel quickly to face me and that’s when I see it. The way he’s staring at me with pleading eyes, his teeth biting at his quivering bottom lip. There’s anger but sadness etched clearly across his face and I know the look so well because I got it often while watching Jordan with any person other than me.

It’s jealousy.

Zach is jealous…

I don’t realize Zach is so close until I feel his hands on my cheeks. My eye nearly pop out of my skull when his lips brush mine. The moment I feel his skin on mine I shove him away, not enjoying the kiss at all. My hand quickly places itself over my lips like they’re somehow tainted and I’m trying desperately to wipe them clean.

“Zach,” I mumble against the back of my hand. I’m surprised at my tone of voice. I’m not sure how to explain the sound. It’s a mixture of sympathy, anger and I don’t really know what else. “I um…”

Zach looks away, hurt. He glares angrily at the ground beside us. He looks like he expects the floor to suddenly fix everything to the way he wants it to be. Biting his lip, Zach says more to himself than me, “I’ve always been here for you Dillon. I’ve always been the one making you laugh and smile but you choose him instead of me, someone you don’t even know for sure if he really cares about you. What is so much better about him? Huh!”

To be honest I can make a list but I have no intentions to further hurt my best friends feelings so I keep the truth to myself. Sighing, I allow my hand to fall at my side. With a frown, I step towards Zach, whose eyes are now filling with tears that I know he’s going to refuse to shed. The boy does sniffle though and brushes his hand over his nose to wipe everything away.

“Zach…I’m sorry I never noticed.” I try to comfort the boy by placing my hand on his shoulder but he shrugs it off angrily. “I’m your best friend and you’re mine…that’s all we’re going to be and I’m really sorry because I know the feeling, of watching the person you like be with someone else. I know I’m being selfish by asking for this but…can we please stay as we are? As best friends?”

Zach still refuses to look at me or answer me. It makes my stomach flop uneasily. I’m not sure what else to say or what to do. I never thought this would happen…I mean I always only thought of Zach as a friend, my best friend. It’s not like I’m flattered because I am but I just can’t ever see myself with Zach. We’re just…not compatible like that in my eyes.

“Please Zach…you’re my best friend. I can’t lose you,” I plead, once again reaching for Zach. When he doesn’t throw my hand off his wrist I smile.

Finally, Zach faces me with red eyes. He sniffles once again and wipes the unshed tears from his eyes. His voice is a bit hoarse when he replies, “I don’t want to lose you either Dillon. I can’t promise that I won’t piss you off sometimes with my jealousy but…but I’ll try my best.”

“Thanks, that means a lot to me.”

I open my arms, asking for a hug. Zach smiles sheepishly before walking into my arms, allowing me to squeeze him tight. For me it’s just a simple hug but I notice how Zach smiles, like I do with Jordan, and I know to him it’s so much more. It makes me feel a bit guilty, knowing that I’m the reason Zach is hurting but I’m sure he’ll find someone else.

After our hug I ask Zach if he’d like to stay a little longer. He politely declines, says he’ll see me tomorrow and leaves like a kicked puppy. I want to run after him to try and make him feel better but…if I did that it might give him too much hope. I don’t want to make him hurt anymore than he already is.

Well…that was eventful…