Denial.

I glared angrily at the two people before me who were glaring at me in term, eyes wide as they scolded me for not living up to their expectations. “Jordan! You got a fucking C! You do not get C’s!” My dad bellowed, a vein popping out on his neck as his face slowly started to take on the shade of a tomato.

“It was a hard pop quiz! I wasn’t prepared and I was out sick the day before it!” I explained. I’m a good student, straight A actually. I study and I work hard in school since it’s the only way that I can get out of this damn town. Well, no, I’m not smart enough to get a full term scholarship so I’d need my parent’s help getting out of this hellhole too. “It’s one C on a quiz. It won’t harm my grade that much and I could easily make it seem like it never exist, acing the class by the end of the semester,” I tried to explain calmly. I’d be freaking out about the C if I had reason to, but I know I don’t because the lowest grade I’ve gotten in that class this semester, besides the C, was an A minus. My parents are just dumbass sticklers.

“Stuff like this will not be tolerated,” my mother said sternly before uncrossing her arms and walking out of the room – more like stomping, but that’s mean to say about a woman. I glared at my dad who just continued to glare back at me, standing his ground. The fucking asshole!

I huffed and stood up from my chair dramatically, stomping around the house as I grabbed my car keys and got in my car. I had driven around a bit to clear my mind from the mistake that had happened earlier and I did it successfully, only to come home to a miniature world war one over a damn C on a pop quiz that basically has no impact on my grade whatsoever. No matter how many times I explain that to them, they won’t listen! They think it’s complete and total bull.They’re so ignorant at times.

I got in my car and gunned it, not even bothering putting on my seatbelt until I was stopped at my first red light. I just wanted to get away from my house and the two idiots that own it that I’m forced to call my parents. Don’t get me wrong, I love my parent’s, but it’s quite obvious they put too much pressure on me. If they reacted this way when word leaked out that I had received a C on a pop quiz, imagine how bad it would be if they found out I was gay.

And I know that I’m not jumping to conclusions because of my Uncle Mikey. He used to be such a main component in my life, visiting me literally every day when I was little. He’d give me gifts or play with me while my parents were out working or going on date’s because they were still young. Hell, Uncle Mikey was pretty young for an uncle – probably only around age twenty or twenty-one when he suddenly stopped visiting me. Mom and Dad had just told me that Uncle Mikey had done something bad and was in trouble for it, and of course, me being my naïve and clueless little kid self believed them. But now that I’m older and preparing to get away from them once and for all, I know what will truly happen. Uncle Mikey had come out and was immediately shunned from the family, my grandparents disowning him because they were such devoted Catholics.

In my eyes, I think that was complete bull. I’m a Catholic and I happen to be a homosexual. I’m not ashamed of it, though nobody knows about it. Hell, I know of Catholic’s that are homosexuals or are friends with gays. Religion has nothing to do with your personal interpretation of what is right and wrong in this world. And lately, as times have changed, my entire family is starting to disgust me, but I’m not ready to stand my own yet. I can’t end up like Uncle Mikey at such a young age.

I cut the engine when I pulled up to Dillon’s house, my eyes widening a bit when I realized that I ended up here since I really just got in my car and drove around aimlessly. He’s a good friend and a decent person to talk toand fun to look at so I guess it’s good that my subconscious led me here. I got out of my car a bit too eagerly, jogging up to his door and knocking gently, sighing when there was no reply after I stood there for a few minutes. I could have sworn Dillon told me that he would be home around this time though…

I bit my lip in contemplation before my curiosity and need to spill my guts to someone got the best of me. I gently put my hand on the doorknob and turned it softly, shock taking over my feature’s when the door opened easily. Dillon’s family wasn’t one to leave their front door unlocked unless someone was home, and judging by the fact that there was a pair of shoes and a skateboard leaning against the wall and the foyer and no cars in the driveway, it must be Dillon that’s home.

Unfortunately, I didn’t know his house that well since we normally hang out at my house or somewhere in town. And the few times that I have been here, we hang out in the basement since that’s where the pool table, the big screen television, and all of his gaming consoles are. Hell, it even has a guest bedroom stuff. His basement is like a miniature bachelor’s pad.

I was walking towards the basement door, figuring he was down there when I heard the quietest of noises coming upstairs. It sounded like a moan. I slowly ascended the staircase, not entirely sure what to expect, reaching the door that I knew was Dillon’s the second that a shrilly voice screamed my name, as if they knew I was here. But that wouldn’t make sense. It was almost loving and lustful. My confusion prompted me to push the door open quicker, not knowing what to expect, my eyes widening even more at the site before me.

Dillon sitting at his computer chair in nothing but boxers, his hand in his boxers, holding what seems to be a softening cock. His eyes were undeniably large as they stared at me, his computer still showing a porno. I’m not surprised, he’s a guy after all, but the fact that surprised me was that the porn was with two men who had seemingly just reached their climaxes as they contorted themselves into positions that only porn stars could master.

The room was filled with the loud screams of fake pleasure, making the already tense atmosphere that much awkward. However, I couldn’t take my eyes away from Dillon. I was torn between ogling his almost naked body and screaming in shock.

He seemed to have snapped out of his trance, quickly kicking his computer until the screen became black, pulling his hand out of his boxers and wiping it on a shirt that was carelessly thrown on the floor before turning towards me.

“This isn’t what it looks like,” he said lamely, standing up and walking over towards me, causing me to step back only to slam into the doorframe and wince in pain. He sighed as he stopped in the center of his room, a soft glow cast upon his gorgeous body from what little sun shined through the crack of his drapes.

“You probably want an explanation…” he murmured as he stared at me, scrutinizing what was going on in my head. I tried to keep my facial expression neutral though, giving nothing away since I was hiding so much turmoil. I just nodded my head quickly… not sure what else to do. “I’m… I’m gay…” He muttered, automatically shying away from me, his body almost curling in on himself.

Those two little words made my heart soar. My crush, my beautiful, beautiful crush has a chance of being with me! Hell, I never thought that was possible, but now it is! But I can’t be with him… I felt my body deflate as that thought crossed my mind. I can’t be like Uncle Mikey. No, not yet. I certainly plan on coming out to my parents, but I have to wait until I can support myself and have a place to go.

My eyes twitched as I tried to mask the feelings of elation coursing through me. His eyes were twitching in anticipation, probably thinking that I’d explode on him any minute since our town frowns upon homosexuality more than anything else in the world. I couldn’t do that though. No, I truly wouldn’t be capable of doing that or hurting such an innocent, pure, and beautiful boy.

“Oh,” I said simply, knowing that I had to give him an answer and a reaction without hurting him. Relief swamped his features, but I was too shocked to truly notice because the hint of underlying disgust in my tone shocked me. By no means am I disgusted by Dillon’s homosexuality, but I’m disgusted that when I finally realize that I truly have a chance at getting the one thing I want in life right now, the one thing that would probably make me the happiest man on earth, I can’t take it.

Fuck my parents. Fuck homophobes. Fuck everything!

I turned around, not letting him say anything else as I tried to exit the room, but I was stopped by tight hand with sinfully long fingers wrapping around my bicep. I turned around slowly, my jaw tight, asking Dillon what he was doing.

He swallowed a bit and backed away. I don’t know if it were out of nervous or because I was so mad that I probably looked like I could kill someone right now.Probably both.

“Please don’t tell anyone, Jordan,” he whispered quietly, pleading with me not to ruin him when he’s kept this secret for so long. Hell, it was a complete accident that I had found out in the first place.

I gave him a curt nod before turning on my heel and walking away, stopping at the end of the hallway because I at least owed him a response. I allowed my head to swivel on my shoulders so that I could see him out of the corner of my eye. He was still standing in his doorway, his muscles glistening with the sweat that comes when hitting an orgasm, his boxers hugging every curve of his beautiful hips and bum, his arms crossed over his chest protectively as his eyes were widened like a child when they were curious. He was an image of purity…

“What are friends for?” I asked deadpan as I turned back around and walked down the stairs, hurrying out his front door and getting in my car quickly.

Why is it that I finally get what I want, only to realize that I can never truly get what I want?