Ghost of Mine

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I open up the journal. I want to paint this boy so badly, but I never see him for more than just a fraction of a second, so maybe if I read what he’s written, I’ll get a clearer image of him.
I get under the covers and put my cup of coffee on the nightstand. I open up the journal on a random page - I might as well continue doing that.

‘My horse got here today. It has come all the way from-‘

Okay, I’ve already read this. I guess random is a stupid way to read this. It’d be like reading a book randomly – it just wouldn’t make any sense.
I go back to the first page and pick up where I left off.

‘When I woke up this morning, G had made a mess on the floor. He had only urinated, but it smelled really bad and mother was furious. I do not understand why she was so angry. It was the servant who cleaned it up. If anyone should be yelling at me, it should be him. But he cannot do that, since he is just a servant.’

I look up from the journal and instead look around on the floor. I wonder where the dog pissed. I had a carpet installed before I moved in. Before that, I’d only seen the bedroom once.
It’s not even meant to be the master bedroom, but since the actual master bedroom was too big for a bedroom of my liking, I made it into my storage room.
I wonder if I had picked another room had I known about the dog piss.

‘Honestly; I do not like that phrase. “Just a servant”. He is a human being, just like myself. He is much more than “just a servant”.
Am I more than just a son of a wealthy man?’


I look up from the journal again and look around the room. It must’ve been like a jail to this guy. He was obviously in love with this stable boy, but he was trapped in this house – in the life he was meant to live.
I’ve always wished for my life to have a purpose. I really should be careful what I wish for.

‘I will go to bed now. It has been a long day. G almost ran away when father got home from inspecting the fields. Mother insists that I only keep him in my room from now. If I really want him, I must take care of him.
I really want him.
I think I will let him sleep with me in my bed tonight. Perhaps then I will wake up if he needs to relieve himself.’


I giggle through a yawn and quickly flip the page. It’s the beginning of a new day, but I just have to see if my predictions are right.

‘G peed on me during the night.’

I laugh out loud once, before I gently close the journal, put it on my nightstand and slide down underneath my duvet. I tug myself in, bury my head in my pillow and fall asleep quickly.
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Alright, so get this: My computer with my stories on it fucks up, but thanks to a friend's recommendation to Dropbox, I am now able to update from my other computer. How badass is that?! I can seriously recomment it to you!
Anywho, hoped you enjoyed the update.
And have you read Troubles?