Ghost of Mine
Refuse
Do I want out of his head?
No. I want to stay in his head. I want to be his beloved nemesis; his hated lover. I want to be his addictive soul. I want him to want me; long for me. I want him to always think about me. I want to be in his head forever.
I want to be in his heart for longer.
I don't want out of his head, but does that mean I should keep hiding? Should I show myself and let him paint me? Then he would have something to stare at every day. He'd be able to see me anytime. He'd just have to look up at his wall to see me, but then, he wouldn't long for me to show myself. He wouldn't beg for me to become visible. He wouldn't beg for me.
He needs me right now. He needs for me to not show myself so his mind will stay on me not being there rather than on alcohol.
I hate to see him drink. He hasn't been drinking in a long time, since his mind is so occupied by thoughts of me and by the need to draw me. He keeps plotting; thinking of ways to lure me out of my hiding places and show myself to him.
And I do, sometimes. Sometimes, I give into his efforts and begs and show myself, just to see the light in his eyes and the smile on his face. He looks so beautiful, right then, when he sees me. I don't know what he sees in me, but when he sees it, my beat-less heart stops.
But I'm afraid that if I show myself too much, the spark might fade and then completely disappear. I fear he'll get bored with me and just see me as just another dead soul. I'm the only one here, but dead souls can only be interesting for so long. After all, I'm dead.
And if he stops being interested in me – if the spark dies – I'll be all alone again. I might be more alone than ever before. I've never felt like this with any of the previous residents. I feel a connection between Gerard and I, and if that connection dies, I'd be broken. And then I'd be forced to share a house with a person who makes my heart ache every time I see him. Because I can't leave. I'm bound to this place. I can't leave this house.
I can't leave him.
I won't show myself too much. I refuse to risk ruining our relationship. I'll hide some more and just observe him and hope he won't beg me too much. Because I can't deny him that spark.
No. I want to stay in his head. I want to be his beloved nemesis; his hated lover. I want to be his addictive soul. I want him to want me; long for me. I want him to always think about me. I want to be in his head forever.
I want to be in his heart for longer.
I don't want out of his head, but does that mean I should keep hiding? Should I show myself and let him paint me? Then he would have something to stare at every day. He'd be able to see me anytime. He'd just have to look up at his wall to see me, but then, he wouldn't long for me to show myself. He wouldn't beg for me to become visible. He wouldn't beg for me.
He needs me right now. He needs for me to not show myself so his mind will stay on me not being there rather than on alcohol.
I hate to see him drink. He hasn't been drinking in a long time, since his mind is so occupied by thoughts of me and by the need to draw me. He keeps plotting; thinking of ways to lure me out of my hiding places and show myself to him.
And I do, sometimes. Sometimes, I give into his efforts and begs and show myself, just to see the light in his eyes and the smile on his face. He looks so beautiful, right then, when he sees me. I don't know what he sees in me, but when he sees it, my beat-less heart stops.
But I'm afraid that if I show myself too much, the spark might fade and then completely disappear. I fear he'll get bored with me and just see me as just another dead soul. I'm the only one here, but dead souls can only be interesting for so long. After all, I'm dead.
And if he stops being interested in me – if the spark dies – I'll be all alone again. I might be more alone than ever before. I've never felt like this with any of the previous residents. I feel a connection between Gerard and I, and if that connection dies, I'd be broken. And then I'd be forced to share a house with a person who makes my heart ache every time I see him. Because I can't leave. I'm bound to this place. I can't leave this house.
I can't leave him.
I won't show myself too much. I refuse to risk ruining our relationship. I'll hide some more and just observe him and hope he won't beg me too much. Because I can't deny him that spark.