Comfortably Numb
Could This Be My End?
Frank stared at Mikey a moment, to shocked to speak. He wasn't sure if the situation cold get any worse but by the way things had been playing out, it seemed it could be that way. Mikey was leaning back into the pillows and had drawn his legs up to his chin.
"I told you that I really fu.cked up this time." he said despondently. Frank put his gaze onto Mikey.
"It won't be the end of the world. It's treatable." Frank said. Mikey tried to nod his head but instead, he just let it fall to the side. To him, it was the end. He had an incurable, sometimes fatal, disease and it was the fault of no one but his own stupidity. He didn't know how he had let himself get to this point but he was scared. Scared and ashamed. He knew he was at a point where he could either get help or just end it.
It would be so much easier to just end it but every time he looked at Frank, he couldn't do it. He couldn't deliberately keep hurting the one person who was always there to help him. He thought of Gerard as well. He wouldn't want this. He sighed. It was clear to him what he should do but he wasn't sure if he had the will power to do it. He settled on the decision that he would try but make no promises.
Mikey looked at his friend in the seat next to his bed. It looked as though he had aged ten years and he knew it was because of him. He had to make this right.
"Frank?" Mikey spoke with uncertainty in his voice. Frank looked up and Mikey could see the worry and fear in his eyes. Mikey took a deep breath before speaking.
"I...I had to talk to a psychiatrist today...about the overdose." Mikey paused. "Well, she said she could get me into a really good rehab program, one that deals specifically with addicts with HIV." Frank sat, listening intently, wondering if Mikey was really going to do something about his addiction or if it was another empty promise. He hoped that he was really going to do something.
"Yeah, um...I asked her to check me into it. As soon as I am well enough, I'm going." Frank bit his lip and then spoke.
"You're really going? You're really going to try this time?" Mikey nodded his head.
"I can't not go. I'm going to make any promises except that I'm going to try." Frank nodded his head and Mikey could see a wave of relief wash over his features. It made Mikey feel like he did something right this time, like maybe he was going in the right direction.
"Mikey, I'm happy for you, relieved and happy. Do you have an idea as to when you'll check in?"
"They said in a few days, most likely." They each sat there, silent, lost in thought for a moment then Mikey spoke.
"Frank, I need you to do something."
"Yeah?"
"Can you get Bob and Ray here, I need to tell them as well. I'm tired of lying."
"I told you that I really fu.cked up this time." he said despondently. Frank put his gaze onto Mikey.
"It won't be the end of the world. It's treatable." Frank said. Mikey tried to nod his head but instead, he just let it fall to the side. To him, it was the end. He had an incurable, sometimes fatal, disease and it was the fault of no one but his own stupidity. He didn't know how he had let himself get to this point but he was scared. Scared and ashamed. He knew he was at a point where he could either get help or just end it.
It would be so much easier to just end it but every time he looked at Frank, he couldn't do it. He couldn't deliberately keep hurting the one person who was always there to help him. He thought of Gerard as well. He wouldn't want this. He sighed. It was clear to him what he should do but he wasn't sure if he had the will power to do it. He settled on the decision that he would try but make no promises.
Mikey looked at his friend in the seat next to his bed. It looked as though he had aged ten years and he knew it was because of him. He had to make this right.
"Frank?" Mikey spoke with uncertainty in his voice. Frank looked up and Mikey could see the worry and fear in his eyes. Mikey took a deep breath before speaking.
"I...I had to talk to a psychiatrist today...about the overdose." Mikey paused. "Well, she said she could get me into a really good rehab program, one that deals specifically with addicts with HIV." Frank sat, listening intently, wondering if Mikey was really going to do something about his addiction or if it was another empty promise. He hoped that he was really going to do something.
"Yeah, um...I asked her to check me into it. As soon as I am well enough, I'm going." Frank bit his lip and then spoke.
"You're really going? You're really going to try this time?" Mikey nodded his head.
"I can't not go. I'm going to make any promises except that I'm going to try." Frank nodded his head and Mikey could see a wave of relief wash over his features. It made Mikey feel like he did something right this time, like maybe he was going in the right direction.
"Mikey, I'm happy for you, relieved and happy. Do you have an idea as to when you'll check in?"
"They said in a few days, most likely." They each sat there, silent, lost in thought for a moment then Mikey spoke.
"Frank, I need you to do something."
"Yeah?"
"Can you get Bob and Ray here, I need to tell them as well. I'm tired of lying."
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