The Boys of Miss Dawn's First Grade Class

Slowly, a crowd had gathered around the shadowy mud pit, and Pete stood in front of them all, smirking a smirk to end all smirks. There were gasps, and sympathetic “tsk”’s, from the onlookers, as they watched Gerard and Frank sink down slowly (incredibly slowly), in their dying embrace.

But it turns out that the mud pit really wasn’t that deep. Not even as deep as the height of two first graders. Well, maybe Frank, but Gerard held him up above the surface so that he could breathe.

Pete’s mouth dropped open when they stopped sinking. He glanced around himself nervously, chuckling a bit with embarrassment. “Um,” he said. “Dangit.”

By now, Mikey, Andy, Joe, Bob, Ray, Laurence, Bert, and whoever else I might have ever mentioned were also in the crowd. Mikey gasped at the view of his brother stuck in the mud.

“I will save you!” yelled Bob, but he didn’t actually make any move to do so at all.

Ray conversed silently with Laurence, shaking his head in pity, apparently deciding it looked grim.

Joe ate paste.

Andy did whatever.

Mikey stalked forward timidly, if you can stalk timidly, and tapped Pete on the shoulder. Pete spun around to face Mikey, his expression a mask of rage.

“Pete, did you do this?” asked Mikey.

“Yeah, so what?!” raged Pete.

“Well… It wasn’t very nice.” Mikey sucked on his thumb.

“Well I ain’t a very nice person!” Pete screamed.

“Aren’t,” corrected Mikey. “Ain’t isn’t a word.”

“Yeah right,” said Pete. “Like you can fool me with that.” He scoffed at Mikey, even though ain’t really isn’t a word.

“We have to save them,” sniffled Andy, now crying.

They all stood around shuffling their feet and pondering what to do, besides Pete, who was trying to glare at Gerard and Frank hard enough to kill them. But Pete doesn’t have the ability of a death glare.

“M-Mikey,” whimpered Gerard. “I can’t hold Frankie up much longer -- !”

It was true, Gerard’s weak arms shook as he tried to keep Frank above the surface of the mud. It didn’t help much that Frank wouldn’t stop squirming around but, hey, he was a high energy kid.

“Every attempt to escape is futile!” screamed Pete. Gerard didn’t know what “attempt”, “escape” or “futile” meant, but he just stuck out his tongue at Pete.

“Hmph,” said Pete, sticking out his tongue back. Upon seeing Pete’s tongue, pointed disdainfully in his direction, something changed within Gerard. A deep rage rose up through him, and suddenly his strength grew. You might say he gained the strength of 10 Grinches that day, if you’re a fan of Dr. Suess or whoever wrote “The Grinch”.

In any case, Gerard used his Grinchy power and started pulling himself through the mud, while also still carrying Frankie. He slogged his way to the shore, watching Pete’s astounded face get closer and closer.

Finally, Gerard made it to the edge of the fabled mud pit. He dropped Frankie onto the blessedly dry ground, and climbed out of the mud himself, while Pete continued to stare.

“H-how?” Pete stuttered. “W-Why? Who are you?”

“Gerard, duh,” said Gerard, not even understanding the question, and he then punched Pete in the face.

That day, at age 7, Gerard became a man. The other children roared with joyous victory as they snatched Gerard and carried him across the school yard on their shoulders, chanting a chant that involved Pete being pants less, and Gerard kicking his butt.

And now, you may be wondering what happened to our young heros. How were their lives after that? Are they doing well? Well, I have good news are bad news for you now. Some happy, some sad, as life is often happy and sad, and has it's ups and downs.

At popular demand, Gerard took up his position at the top of the jungle gym and became the new king of the playground.

Frank joined Gerard to become his queen.

Andy and Joe tied to become the Jungle Gym Princess, and take turns wearing the plastic tiara.

Mikey is already studying to become a surgeon, and is top of his class.

Bob… Well, Bob’s is an awkward story. I won’t get in to that right now.

Bert transferred to a new school, but he made three new good friends and was able to move past Gerard. He still visits the grave of Blankey every year on the memorial of it’s death.

Ray and Laurence created a foundation for the care and preservation of the Bluephiffy, and the natural beauty of which it represents.

William Beckett was put into a private school after coming home from Show And Tell day covered in cigarette burns, and is never allowed to see Frank again.

Pete suffered and nervous breakdown on the school grounds just after the mud incident, and was taken to a school for “troubled” children where he hasn’t made any new friends at all, and most people hate him.

Miss Dawn switched jobs with the janitor of the school and now cleans up puke in the hallways almost every day, but she enjoys it a lot more than teaching. We’re happy she found her place in the world.