Best Friends With Benefits.

Jake’s Point of View

What the fuck is happening? My best friend, who was just about to blow me might I add, just fucking told me that he loves me! I don’t know where the fuck this came from but it’s fucking mindblowing.

Okay…maybe I should lay off of the f-bomb for a little while. But really, what do you expect!? My best friend just told me that he loves me out of nowhere. I honestly don’t know what to think. I’ve never even thought of having feelings like that for him! I mean yeah, he’s fucking adorable and I love it when he pouts at me, but I don’t love him…right?

I pull my pants up and run out of his room, running away so I can think. I know running away probably hurt him, but I’m not gonna contemplate how I feel about him with my pants around my knees and my dick hanging out. Which, now that I mention it, is fucking hurting. Fuck, I’m so horny.

After a wanking session in my bathroom when I get home, I lay on my bed and attempt to think about what happened at Dylan’s house. Did he really mean it? Or did he say it in the heat of the moment?I hope he meant it. He looked really surprised and horrified that he’d said it, but that doesn’t mean he didn’t mean it.

God, why do I even care!? I don’t want him to mean it…right? I know I’m gay and everything, but I never imagined falling in love with my best friend. Okay, maybe there were a few dreams every now and then, but I don’t love him!

Why does it feel so wrong saying that?..

-2 A.M.-

I wake up in a cold sweat with sticky boxers. Oh yay, God just loves me! I had a dream about making lo…

Oh shit. No. This isn’t happening! Oh Jesus Christ. I’m mental. I have to be crazy. I’m about 95% sure that my brain just told me that I dreamed about making love to Dylan! I don’t “make love” to anyone.

What the fuck is going on!? Okay, I need to calm down and just go over the recent events in my head. Alright, so, Dylan was about to give me a blowjob and he had word diarrhea and said that he loves me. I freaked out, which in turn made him freak out and then I ran away…

Oh god, he probably hates me now! I ran away from him like a little kid. I’m so confused! He loves me…and I love him? Is that even possible? I mean, I always think about him being adorable or cute or beautiful rather than sexy or a fuck-buddy…

So, now I’m in love with my best friend with benefits. I wonder if he really does love me though. He didn’t seem to mean it when he said it. It seemed more like it just popped out of his mouth… I hope he meant it though, or I’ll be in love with someone who said he loved me on accident even though he really didn’t mean it. Which means it’d be bad.

There’s a lot that can happen in three minutes. You can wake up from a wet dream. You can fall in love with your best friend. You can realize you’re in love with your best friend. You can decide to go to said best friend’s house and tell him that you love him. You can screw yourself over by telling your best friend you love him and have him reject you. You can be totally ecstatic by telling your best friend that you love him and have him say it back. A number of things can happen.

Deciding to go over to Dylan’s house almost made me want to puke everywhere, but I decided that if I ran away from him, I might as well tell him how I felt about the whole situation. That and I love him. It still feels weird saying that, but weird in a way where I feel like I should’ve been saying it before now; I should’ve realized it before now. I mean, all the times I cut myself off in my head and all the times I wished we would never have to get out of bed because cuddling with him felt so nice…I should’ve known!

I mean, now that I see everything, it was really obvious. Well, we’ve been stupid for long enough. It’s time to make this right. Holy shit, I have no clue why I’m so nervous about this. I really shouldn’t be, considering he said that he loves me first, but what if it was an accident or he changed his mind? Fuck, I need to get to his house before I freak myself out and decide not to get in my car and go throw rocks at his window and tell him to let me in.

As I get into my car and turn it on when realize that my hands are shaking. I take a deep breath and steel myself, putting the car in drive and making my way to Dylan’s house. I stop myself from biting my lip a total of 7 times before I pull up next to the curb.

I happen to love Dylan’s house and how…normal it is. He has a two-story, four-bedroom, house with a red door. There’s nothing special about it, which is what makes it special to me. Plus, when his sister bakes cupcakes or cookies, the smell fills up the entire house and makes your mouth water. Oh, and I love it because Dylan’s window is on the side of the house, so all I have to do is open the gate and look up.

I grab a few pebbles from Dylan’s mom’s pebble path; it isn’t like they’ll miss them or anything. I back up so that I have a clear aim at his window and let the pebble fly, grinning when it connects hard enough to make a noise, but not hard enough to shatter the window. I’ve done this way too many times before.

I smile when I see Dylan look out the window, loving the way his hair looks when it’s sticking up all over the place. I see the worried look on his face before he controls his emotions. He looks down at me and I can tell that he’s thinking about if he should let me in or not. Finally, I see him nod and he moves away from the window, which I’m assuming means that he’s going to open the front door for me.

I walk to his front door and wait for him to open the door. I’m wringing my hands and biting my bottom lip trying to figure out what I’m going to say to him. I know that I have to tell him that I love him and I need him and all that junk, but I’m really not sure how. I continue to worry as I wait for Dylan at his front door.

I jump a little when he opens the door and I look up at him, smiling at the hair that he very obviously finger-combed right before he opened the door. I smile at him and grab his hand, leading the way up the stairs to his room. I sit on the bed and let go of his hand, putting my face in my hands. I sigh when I feel the mattress next to me give way to Dylan’s weight. I look at him and take a deep breath, preparing myself for what I’m about to say.

“I know that you didn’t mean to…say what you said. But I l-love you.” I almost curse at myself for stuttering. “I know that you might not really love me, but you’re my world. My everything. I need you Dylan. I need you.” I whisper this, trying not to stutter or stumble over my words.

I realize after I finish talking that my fingers are digging into my palms, creating crescent moon shapes. I bite my bottom lip waiting for Dylan to respond. I look up at him and I can feel the mask on my face breaking. I can tell that I look pathetic and clingy, which makes me panic slightly. I never lose my cool around anyone. It’s usually really hard to read me, but now I’m an open book for anyone to read.

I watch as his eyes run over my face. He bites his lip and grabs my hand, threading our fingers together. “I love you too, Jake.” I look at him in shock and tighten my hold on his hand, telling myself that this is real. I smile slightly at him and lean my head on his shoulder, allowing myself to freak out internally.

I blush when he grabs my chin and makes me look at him. Our close proximity isn’t what’s embarrassing me, it’s the way he’s looking at me, like he’s searching for something inside of me. I smile and kiss his cheek, resting my forehead against the side of his for a moment. He turns his head and kisses me. It’s not like the kisses we usually share, which are lustful and sloppy. It’s just a simple peck. We’re both grinning and I can tell that this is different for both of us. The way we’re looking at each other isn’t with lust or passion. I know he loves me.