We Didn't Start The Fire

Caleb feels like his whole world just fell apart. He should have seen this coming; he should have known. He should have been more aware of things before they started getting too serious. How could he not know Ben was a virgin? How couldn't he tell? He has had sex with a lot of guys, who all weren't virgins and he honestly couldn't tell the difference between them and Ben.

He was blinded, of course. He was lied to. He asked Ben a question, he got an answer, and he believed it. It can't be his fault. He shouldn't feel this bad about it...but he does. He feels like he's going to throw up. He probably would if he wasn't so mad. He's too mad to react. Never has Caleb ever been too angry to react to something.

He sort of wishes his brother was home, so he could talk to him. But he doesn't want to interrupt his good day with Kevin. He wouldn't do that. He just feels alone. This is the only thing he's not exactly comfortable talking to Melissa or Robert about. He can't exactly explain it without sounding like a tool.

If he did bring it up, Melissa would tell Caleb to forgive Ben, and he knows that. Melissa is very forgiving. So is Caleb, but not about lying. If Ben would have came clean in the beginning maybe he would have made one exception to his rules. He could understand why Ben wanted to lie, but he doesn't condone it at all. Not with something so significant.

Robert would probably tell him to find someone else who wouldn't lie to him, because he deserves better. Robert is more realistic than Caleb would like him to be. Robert tells it like it is, even if it comes off harsh. His personality traits like that come from him being a surgeon. Caleb knows that Robert does like Ben, but not enough to let him get away with such a thing.

Caleb sighs and grabs his keys. He needs to go somewhere else. He doesn't really know where to go, he rarely goes anywhere alone. He always has somebody with him. Usually Corey.

He decides on going to the park. He hasn't been to the park in forever, and the weather is starting to get nicer. He even debates on taking Sparta; but he's not that desperate. He drives in silence, he doesn't want anything else distracting him. He has enough to think about, the last thing he wants is to get into an accident because of music in the car.

He feels only a little bit better when he arrives at the park. It's dead, for whatever reason. Perhaps because it's a Sunday and everyone else has something better to do.

Caleb sets his eyes on the swings. The swings were always Caleb's favorite. He jumps on the lowest one to the ground and gives himself a start. The swinging calms him, and he likes to feel the wind against his face. When Corey was little, he always liked the slide. For some reason he could go up and down the same slide all day and not get bored.

Caleb smiles when he thinks about his childhood. It wasn't the greatest, in fact, in kind of sucked. But he had Corey to go through it with. They were moved around so much; Corey was the only thing constant in his life. And he was very grateful for that. He's happy that his brother is happy for a change. Corey and Caleb's lives seems to have flip-flopped. Caleb is okay with it, because Corey had been miserable for nearly 18 years. It's just a shame that they both can't be happy at the same time.

"You look like you're deep in thought. Are you?" A semi-familiar voice asks from next to him.

The voice startles him at first, until he looks to his left and sees Jeremy.

"Hey. Um, yeah, actually. But it's nothing. What um, what brings you to the park...alone?" He asks, wondering if he's not the only one who comes here over the age of 6.

Jeremy shrugs and starts to kick his feet. "I come here to think. Mostly. I also love these things. I mean, it's a swing, and kind of childish, but it seems I'm not the only one who likes them." He says, with a small smile.

Caleb smiles back. "Me too. Always have. But uh, not to sound rude or anything but why aren't you with like...Elliot or something?" Caleb feels he shouldn't have asked that question, but he can't take it back now.

"I thought we got something clear a couple months ago. You know, when I helped clean the blood off your face in the bathroom. I don't really hang with Elliot. He's not a nice guy, and I try not to associate myself with him anymore. I'm not like him. I thought you knew that."

Caleb shuts his eyes momentarily, remembering that awful day he got the crap beat out of him.

"Sorry. I knew I shouldn't have asked that. I was just curious. But Elliot doesn't know that you don't like him. I mean...he'd probably be in an even worse mood if he did. He doesn't have many friends. And I'm not sure Kimi counts. If she weren't on drugs I'm sure she'd leave him."

Jeremy nods. "Yeah, definitely. But lets not talk about them. I think we'd both rather not," he slows down his swing a little so he doesn't have to raise his voice to talk to the older boy. "...I know you barely know me. And you have no right to trust me but. I mean...I'm trying to think how I want to word this so you don't think I'm a bastard," he laughs.

"Just say it, I won't think you're a bastard. And even if I do, would it even matter?"

Jeremy looks up at the sky. "I guess I was just wondering if you wanted to say what's on your mind. Because you have like, a billion friends. And a twin that sticks to you like glue. And yet you're here at the park all by yourself. So...yeah. I guess I was just wondering if what you're going through is so bad that you can't tell anyone. And maybe you can tell me because...I know you won't care what I think?"

For some strange reason Caleb feels something for Jeremy. He's so honest. He's so...humble and nice. Why is he so freaking nice to him? He was friends with a boy who hated him. Nothing makes any sense. But maybe it's not supposed to. Maybe Caleb's life isn't supposed to make sense.

"I'm not some sort of jerk, you know. Because I do care what you think. But it's not like that. I just...I shouldn't tell you because you can't relate. At all. In fact, if I did tell you, you'd probably run away and be disgusted. So I think I'll just keep it to myself, it'll be all right. Thanks though."

Jeremy stops his swing and furrows his eyebrows. "Caleb, why would you say something like that? I think you know me slightly better than that. I would never be disgusted with you, if you have a problem I'll try to help, not run away. I'll promise if you want me to?"

Caleb stops his own swing. He's so confused.

"Why are you being so nice to me? I don't get it. I'm not saying I doubt you're a good person I just...I just really don't understand."

Jeremy bites his lip. "I just want to help, that's all. I'm a helper. At least that's what I want to think of myself as. If...you don't want to talk to me about it, it's totally fine. I was just offering my attention."

Caleb kicks the dirt with his brand new sneakers, getting the white parts of his shoe dirty. He would care, but for now he doesn't.

"What's bothering me is something that correlates to my sexuality. So I really don't think you'd want to hear about it. So I'm doing you a favor by keeping quiet."

Caleb never really noticed how tall Jeremy is. He's a grade below him, and nearly two years younger but he's got to be six foot. Or maybe he's shorter and just looks so tall because he's so thin. It could be an illusion. Either way he was way taller than the older boy.

"Doesn't bother me, Caleb. Gay or straight, if you have an issue and want to talk about it, I'll listen. And for the record...we're not as different as you may think." Jeremy holds his breath. "...Because I kind of like both. If you know what I mean."

Caleb's eyes nearly bulge out of his head. "WHAT? No way. No freaking way. I call bullshit. There's no way you could be bisexual there's just-"

Jeremy turns his body to face Caleb. "This isn't about me. We're not talking about me, we're talking about you. We can talk about me...er, later. Just forget what I said for a second and spill."

Caleb can't believe his ears. Jeremy; Elliot's best friend since forever likes both boys and girls. If only Elliot knew, oh, he'd have a conniption like no other. But Jeremy is right, he shouldn't blow this out of proportion. He embarrassed the poor guy while he's trying to help him.

"Sorry, once again. Well, that makes this easier to say. Um. You know I was dating Benjamin Kellers, right? Yeah um, we were dating for quite some time and today...I found out he had been lying to me since day one. I don't know if you know this but I don't fuck around with virgins...it's too complicated, they get too crazy and attached. Turns out he was one all along. I...I asked him straight up, and he lied to me. Honesty is so fucking important to me, Jeremy you have no idea, I can't even explain to you. And he lied. And I told him I loved him. I...I do love him. But I can't...I just can't forgive him for something like this. If you were me, would you?"

Jeremy looks so sad for Caleb. His eyes, which color is a mystery, look full of sorrow.

"Wow, I can't believe that he lied to you," Jeremy shakes his head. "...well, if my boyfriend or girlfriend lied to me about something like that I would be really upset. I don't know if I could forgive them, honestly. I mean, you said you love him. Do you love him enough to forgive and forget? I've...I've never loved anyone so I wouldn't know the power it has over anything else but, that's the real question isn't it? You have to ask yourself if you love him enough to give him another chance."

Caleb nods and rests his head on the rope of his swing. "That's just it, I don't know. He didn't even come out and tell me, Jeremy. He slipped up. He was never going to tell me the truth. And it makes me think he's hiding more shit from me. And if he did this once...I feel like he'd do it again. I'm not perfect, I have trust issues. I don't think I trust him."

Jeremy wants to hug Caleb, but he knows it's not appropriate. He just wants to make him feel better, and he's not sure he can.

"Then I think you have your answer, don't you? I'm not trying to sway you one way, but I'm just calling it as I see it. Think about this: if you take him back, what is it going to be like? Will you get crazy on him and think he's lying or hiding things from you all the time? And what if you didn't take him back, how would you feel? Would you be miserable and regretful? Or would you get over it and...maybe open up your heart for someone new?"

Caleb breathes in deep. "Those are all great questions that I wish I knew the answer to. I guess I just have to think about it a little bit more. Sleep on it. See how sorry he really is and...take it from there. I don't want to stay broken up but I just don't see a future with a liar." His cheeks turn a bit red. "I know this is a little out of line to say but...he fucked like he knew what he was doing; or at least that's how it seemed. Am I an idiot? For not noticing...I just can't wrap my head around it."

Jeremy shakes his head. It does pain him to know that a lot of guys have had the chance to have sex with him. Jeremy doesn't just want to have sex with Caleb...he cares about him. But he couldn't ever voice this. Too many people would get hurt over it. Elliot, Corey, and Caleb himself. Jeremy just has to play the friend card. Because that's all he'll ever be.

"You are not anything close to an idiot. He tricked you. He wanted you to have a certain image of him and he manipulated you so that it worked. It's not your fault. Really. Don't beat yourself up about it, it'll kill you."

Caleb gets up off of his swing and wraps his arms around the younger teen. Jeremy closes his eyes and hugs Caleb back. He never thought he'd be able to hold him like this. He doesn't want to let go.

"I'm really glad you forced me to talk to you, Jeremy. Who knew you could give such good advice? Thank you so much," he pulls away and smiles. "Do...you have anything you want to tell me? I feel like I unloaded on you and now it's your turn."

Jeremy feels close to tears. He decides to abort the situation. "N-No. I um, actually need to get going. I'm happy to help, Caleb. Really. So, if you need me you uh, you know where to find me. I'll see you around."

Caleb pouts. "Wait but-"

"I hope you make the right decision."

He leaps off of his swing and he waves goodbye, leaving Caleb dumbfounded.

~

Grace is elated to hear that everything is going well with her pregnancy. The doctors confirmed that her baby is healthy and strong, and that's all she wanted to hear. They asked if she wanted to know the gender but she didn't want to. She's really dying to know, but she wants it to be a surprise for Trevor as well as herself.

She texts Trevor to let him know everything is perfect, and that she'd see him when he got home later. He's pissed that he works so much, because he doesn't get to go with her to many of her visits. But he has kept Wednesday afternoons free so they can attend the mommy/daddy classes at a local place. They are both excited to start their first class.

While Grace is driving she starts to have a craving for ice cream. She takes an extra turn to go to Friendly's. What she really wants is vanilla ice cream with pieces of rainbow cookies inside. She doesn't think such ice cream exists, so she chooses a second best of chocolate chip cookie dough.

"What are you having?" The cheerful girl asks, pointing to her belly.

Grace smiles. "I'm not sure. My fiancé and I are in for a surprise. I think it's a girl though."

The girl, whose name tag reads Jamie, smiles back at her. "Aw, well congratulations! If she looks like you she'll be beautiful."

"Thank you, and here you go," Grace drops in a two dollar tip for the girl. It's hard to get a compliment while being as huge as a whale. So Grace appreciates that.

"Hi Grace- and before you accuse me of stalking I swear it's a coincidence. I just wanted some...chocolate chip cookie dough," Jacob says eying her ice cream. "Wanna give me a lick?"

Grace pulls her cone away from him. "Absolutely not, Jake. I don't want you near me, let alone licking my ice cream. Just get your own and leave me be. I'm...I'm very tired and I don't need this."

Jacob frowns and tries to grab her hand. "...Grace if you're tired you shouldn't be driving. Let me take you home."

"Don't touch me. I'm perfectly capable of driving myself back to Trevor's house. Just leave me alone like I asked you to. If it hasn't sunk in your brain yet, Jake, you left me. You ended our relationship, you shouldn't be reappearing and begging and telling me what to do. You don't have that right."

The tall redhead folds his arms. "Not fair Grace. Completely not fair. I ended things because you wanted us both and you couldn't chose. So I chose for you. But everything is different now. That baby you're carrying could be mine. And I still care about you, and I want to take care of you and the baby. What are you going to do if it's mine? Are you even going to find out?"

Grace moves her black bangs out from her eyes. "I've told you over and over again what I think about all of this. This baby is Trevor's, no question about it. You need to go live your own life and leave me out of it. Believe it or not, I'm doing what's best for my baby. So please respect that and leave me alone. Okay?"

Jacob's crystal blue eyes are shining, and he's visibly upset.

"You have no idea what this is doing to me, do you? Clearly not. And if you do, you don't care. Not at all. You treat me like I'm some creepy stranger or something. Because it makes you feel better about lying to yourself. I almost feel bad for you, Grace. You're digging your own grave. The truth is going to come out one way or another, I hope you know that. But I just want you to know that when everything blows up in your face and you feel like you've got no one? You can come to me. Even though your favorite thing to do is push me away and say mean things to me, I know deep down that you still love me. So please don't forget that."

The older boy puts his hand on her pregnant belly for a second before he leaves the ice cream shop. He seems to have lost the desire to have a treat.

'Grace honey, are you all right? You've been at the doctors for an awful long time. Please come home sweetie. -Debbie'

'Sorry Mrs. Burrows, I just stopped to give in to my daily cravings. I'll be home soon, no need to worry. Thanks for checking up on me. See you in about five minutes. -Grace'