Hey Moon

"I bet you would want to give up the ghost
with just a little more poise than that."
NailsForBreakfast,TacksForSnacks-Panic!AtTheDisco

*Brendon*

I held Ryan as he cried into my shirt. Hearing him cry, feeling his tears made my heart break. He screamed a couple of times, just random yells letting out anger, pain, frustration. His cries grew quieter, turning into sniffles.

"I-I'm sorry you had to, to see me l-like that," he said, his voice shaking. I gave him a soft smile.

"Don't apologize, you're human. You're human and I love you," I whispered. The familiar twinkle in his eye was back. A smile broke out across his face. He was blushing. I don't think I've ever made him blush. "You're gorgeous when you blush," I whispered.

He smiled and leaned in close. I put a hand over his lips. He gave me a confused and disappointed look. "I wanna kiss you for once, stupid," I smiled. His face lit up. I leaned in and placed my lips on his. He kissed back willingly.

Ryan pulled back agonizingly slowly. "God, I love you. When I'm not with you, I miss you like hell, when I am with you...holy shit, words can't even describe it," he said to me. I giggled. He kissed the corner of my mouth. "You're beautiful," he whispered.

I felt the heat rush to my face. He ran his thumb across my cheek. "I love that color on you," he whispered, referring to the bright scarlet scrawled across my features.

"I don't understand why you love me. I mean, you could have anyone you want, and yet you chose me. Why?" I asked.

"Why does the wind blow? No one knows," he shrugged.

"Uhm, yeah. It's when a high pressure system moves to a low pressu-," I started, but he cut me off.

"No. You're in denial. No one knows. No one!" he exclaimed, laughing like a hyena at the end. I smiled, hearing his laugh made me happy. "I'm kidding. But seriously, I don't think I could even begin to explain it.

"I love that you get cold when it's 71 degrees out. I love that it takes you an hour and a half to order a sandwich. I love that you get a little crinkle in your nose when you're looking at me like I'm nuts. I love that after I spend a day with you, I can still smell your cologne on my clothes. I love that you are the last person I want to talk to before going to sleep at night.

"I love your eyes, your gorgeous brown eyes, your laugh, your indecisiveness, the way you talk, the way you sing. I love your imagination, your paranoia, and I love it when you blush. I love that you don't need me to love you," he told me. I smiled down at his body in my arms.

"My friends made me come here tonight, but not one of them thinks this is gonna work out. We've broken up so many times. I mean…I don't understand how this is going to work. I just…I don't know," I sighed. Ryan sat up.

"Nobody thinks it will work, do they? You've just described every great success story," he whispered. I smiled. "But it's not going to be easy. It's gonna be real hard. We're going to have to work every day, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, forever, you and me, every day. Will you do something for me, please?" he asked. I nodded.

"Anything," I said before I could think about it.

"Picture your life for me? Thirty years from now, forty years from now? What's it look like? Is it with me? If it's with someone else then go. Go! I lost you once, twice, three times now, and I think I can do that again. I could do it if I thought that's what you wanted. What you really wanted.

"But don't you dare take the easy way out," he reprimanded at the end.

"What easy way? If I pick you, I hurt my parents, I betray my friends, even if they want me to be happy. If I pick them, I hurt you. Somebody gets hurt," I sighed. I knew I wanted Ryan, but I was just now starting to realize the consequences.

"Would you stop thinking about what everyone wants? Stop thinking about what I want, what your parents want, what your friends want! Just stop, okay? What do you want? Huh? What do you want?" he shouted.

I slammed my lips onto his. It was messy, and sloppy, and full of lust and passion. I pulled away, breathing heavily. "You. It's always been you. It will always be you," I whispered, my lips crashing back to his.

In that moment, everything was good. It was like we weren't screwed up. I never cut myself, kids never picked on me for being gay. Ryan's dad didn't hit him, wasn't an alcoholic. Ryan never touched a beer, his friends weren't dickwads, his mom was still alive, was happy.

In that moment, my parents weren't Morons. They weren't intolerant, homophobic, close-minded liberals. Ryan wasn't afraid of anything and neither was I. I wasn't paranoid, and he wasn't afraid of commitment. The kids at school would never tease us for being gay, Ryan's friends would accept me, and mine would accept him.

In that moment, there were no problems, no mistakes, no regrets. And in that moment, I swear we were infinite.