Someone out There Loves You

“You people,” I said to the crowd, “Are insanely fun.” They roared back.
I had one hand on my knee, the other holding the mic, and I was gasping for air. I saw sweat dripping off of my forehead onto the stage and I felt totally gross.
I love my job.
“Clayah needs aiiiiiir,” Monster laughed into his mic.
“You know,” Drew said into hers, “The should start keeping those airplane oxygen mask things above stages for when everyone runs out of breath. The crowd cheered. “Exactly!” Drew said, pointing at them enthusiastically. “Best thing since sliced bread.”
“Oh God, please tell me you didn’t just say that,” Mark said.
“It works, man, I don’t care how old school it is.” Drew stuck her tongue out at him.
“FACEPALM,” Levi mocked.
“Okay, wait wait wait,” I said, straightening up and holding my palm out. “Shut up a sec.” I leaned out into the crowd, searching. “Paging Molly Iero? Where are you? Scream, I need you up here.” About the whole place screamed.
“Oh HO! We have an audience of smartasses! We have the best fans ever.” They cheered again.
“Now, I seriously need to find Molly. Like NOW.”
A security guy called up. “Found her!” He was pulling Mollers over the metal bars that restrained the crowd.
“THANK you,” I said to him, holding a hand down to pull Mollers up. “As soon as I get off this stage you’re getting a hug.” He said something back and I laughed. “He said that’s cool, he’ll pass,” I told the crowd. They laughed.
I pulled Molly up. “What is it?” she said. We were both talking into the mic.
I handed her the mic and used my arm as if to present the people. “Talk. Fucking ramble. I’ll be right back.” I started to run offstage.”
“Where the hell are you going?!” Mollers called after me.
I stopped, and doubled around, pulling Levi’s mic toward me. “I have to pee.”

“Why is there so much sand?” Monster whined as he fanned his face and stared out the bus window at the passing scenery—or lack thereof.
“It’s New Mexico,” Drew said, “That happens.”
“Well, it looks like Mars,” Monster huffed.
“I thought you liked Mars?”
“I like Teenagers From Mars, I Turned Into A Martian, Mars Attacks, and 30 Seconds To Mars.”
“Misfits songs and a band.”
“Si. But Mars itself I do not like.”
“You’re an odd child.”
“I’m older than you.”
“Whatever.”
“OH MY FUCKING GOD,” Molly snapped at them (she was riding in our bus because we were just more fun)(and she and Frank had had a fight a couple nights ago about her being on the phone with Jack at three in the morning). “I am too hot and it’s too early and I am too cranky to listen to you guys whine,” Mollers yelled. “So either shut the FUCK up or go moan in the back of the bus!!” I chuckled and she shot me a look.
“Well we wouldn’t be bitching so much if you weren’t hogging up every ice pack from the damn freezer!!”
It was true; Mollers had g-snatched all the ice packs— the blue-goo-in-the-plastic ones, the two plastic blocks, the M&M, even the ice tray, and covered herself in them. While wearing shorts and a tank top.
New Mexico is that hot, kids.
The bus began to slow, jerking a bit. We heard a thump and grunt from the bunks. About a minute later Levi stumbled out, comfortably shirtless and in shorts, rumpled from his nap.
“Jerked from your bunk again?” I asked. Levi nodded sluggishly.
For some reason, our bus was cursed. Every time we were driving, night or day, and the bus would slow the entire thing jolted a bit. And if we were sleeping that meant all of us fell out of our bunks. Two shows in and lots of tour rough-housing and I was a bit bruised, but I got most of my injuries while attempting to sleep. Not fun.
“Are we there yet?” Levi yawned.
Monster glanced out the window. “It’s a little ways away yet, at least the city is. I dunno ‘bout the studio. I’d give it a half an hour. ‘Till the city, at least.”
“What time is it?”
I checked my watch. “Seven forty five.”
“Christ…”
Before the show, Rush And Ruin had to show up for a photoshoot and interview, then go grocery shopping, and track down a laundromat. The Used had offered to do all our laundry since they’re signing was during our interview and our signing was during their photoshoot. My Chemical Romance and Green Day fell into some other combinations.
I had myself all dressed and set—black skinny shorts, my old ripped up and oversized Alkaline Trio shirt over a tank top, and Vans. I spent a while on my makeup already while the bus was in a steady motion. Normally I wasn’t too hung up on my looks, but I am a girl, and this was my first photoshoot, so I was fidgety. Which was also bugging Mollers.
“Clayah fucking Shier, sit down for like, five seconds. PLEASE. You’re freaking me out.”
“I’m nervous,” I grumbled, pouring fresh coffee grounds into the Black and Decker.
Molly rolled her eyes. “Clayah, you look gorgeous. And you’re too… eccentric to get scared.”
“Thanks?”
“Hell yeah that’s a compliment! So chill the fuck out.”
I grinned. “You say ‘fuck’ a lot when you’re pissed.”
“And you don’t?”
“True.”
“Okay,” Drew cut in, “Now I’m the one getting annoyed.”
“Ha ha,” Molly smiled, teasing. Drew stuck her tongue out in response but was grinning nonetheless.

The photographer we worked with was named Erin. And she. Was. The. SHIT. I’d never swung that way, really, but I was in love with her.
When we walked in, she’d been blasting Linkin Park’s Hybrid Theory, and I liked her right away (“They’re best album,” she’d said, which was likewise my opinion).
Now, here the band stood in front of a white backdrop as she shot photos of us. She didn’t direct us like we were mannequins, either.
“Go nuts,” she said. “It’s your career, guys. I want you to show the world who you are and how you like it—that’s what she said—not how I tell you to be.”
I made dumb faces at the camera. A lot of frontwomen I’d seen either did perfect, gorgeous faces or “tee hee look how silly and cute I am” faces.
“The only ‘cute’ fourteen year olds are Disney kids,” I told Erin, “…And I’m in a punk band. ‘Nuff said.”
Her eyes bugged out when I said it. “I’m totally quoting you on that,” she said, “And you’ll love it when I do.”

We conquered the stadium in New Mexico that night. It would’ve been a totally perfect day.
Except for my least favorite person had to show up.
All four bands had parked our buses in a circle in the parking lot of a vacant truck stop. We talked the other bands into not going to hotels so we could all camp out.
“Are you kidding?!” Billie said when we suggested it. “You gotta be, it’s ten thousand degrees out there!!”
Gerard shrugged. “I’m all for it.”
Frank was ecstatic.
“MOLLYWHERE’STHESLEEPINGBAG?!”
“DAD! IT’S NEW MEXICO, WE’RE ALL SLEEPING FUCKING HALF NAKED, WHY DO YOU NEED A SLEEPING BAG?!”
“I LIKE SLEEPING BAGS, THEY’RE SNUGGLY.”
“SO’S A TEDDY BEAR, AND THEY CAN’T SUFFOCATE YOU.”
“HOW DO YOU KNOW? CHILDREN MAY DIE EVERY DAY! ‘DEATH BY MR. SNUGGLEBUTT.’ AN EPIDEMIC, TEDDY BEAR RECALL!!”
“FRANK,” I yelled, “YOU WON’T NEED A SLEEPING BAG, EVERYONE’S DRAGGING THEIR COT OUTSIDE—“
“I WANT MY GODDAMN SLEEPING BAG.”
We gave up and let Frank spend the next half an hour trying to find his sleeping bag while we made the totally stupid and dangerous decision of making a huge pile of sticks in the center of our “campsite” and lighting it up. After a while we just started throwing in anything flammable.
Everyone was laughing as Bert attempted to light his cigarette on the flames-- while keeping it in his mouth and not burning himself-- when I heard the car.
“Shh, shh, guys, shut up!” I said over them. “Someone’s coming.”
“Put the fire out!” Dan said, throwing his beer bottle into it. The fire gave a huge jump.
“How drunk are you?!” I wanted to scream at him. “Alcohol in a fire?!”
“Oh my God.”
We all turned at once. There, with the fire light shining on his creepy grin and making him all the scarier, was Barnabus Copple. And I was sitting closest to him.
Maybe it was because of our backstage run in with him, but Geard and Mikey automatically jumped up. Mikey knelt down next to me, putting his arms around my shoulders, while Gerard stepped right into Barnabus’ face and looked like a murderer.
Barnabus flinched a bit. “Clayah?” he said, leaning around Gerard. Gerard pressed his hand against Barnabus’ chest to keep him back.
“Chill Gerard,” I said, giving up, “It’s just Barnabus, let him through, I’ll talk to him for a minute.”
As Barnabus lit up like a Christmas tree, Gerard looked at me blandly. “No.”
“It’s just Barnabus!”
“NO, Clayah. This is how it starts: they’re all nice and just kind of cute little annoyances, and then they start to get more and more clingy, trying to get closer and closer, till you end up shot in the liver and dead in three hours.”
The whole circle was dead quiet. I was pretty horrified that Gerard even thought up something like that. Worse yet, Mikey was nodding.
“He’s right, Clayah,” Mikey said firmly. “Barnabus needs to learn boundaries.” He shot Barnabus a venomous glare.
I’d had enough. I didn’t care for Barnabus. In fact, I didn’t like Barnabus at all. But I did feel bad for the kid and I wasn’t going to hurt his feelings.
“What is it with you two??” I pushed Mikey off of my, making him tip back and land hard on the edge of Mark’s cot. I turned toward Gerard. “He’s just a fankid, Gerard! You are seriously overreacting.”
Gerard set his jaw hard and stepped toward me. “I am not overreacting at all. This happens every day to girls like you and I’m not just going to stand here—“
“Why’s it such a big deal to you, Gerard?! And you too, Mikey! I’ve known you two for, what, two weeks some? I get that you’re a dad and all Gerard… but so is Frank! Do you see him freaking out every waking minute? Mikey had a panic attack when I stubbed by toe while headed onstage tonight…” I threw up my hands, agitated. “I want to know what’s going on and I want to know NOW.”
In the chaos of the moment I noticed Barnabus had vanished. Apparently some things where even awkward for him. Everyone else was quiet; I think Jeph was holding his breath next to me. Although, Dan was still shitfaced.
“Dwaaamaaaah with the Ways!” he giggled. I glared at him. So did everyone else.
My faces was hot and my hands were shaking with fury and my blood pressure….
Oh, you must be joking.
If they were going to answer eventually I wasn’t there to find out. There was no chance in hell I would see another melodrama scene go down over me (well, besides the one sort of happening right now), so I pushed Gerard out of my way to get to the door of Rush And Ruin’s bus. I locked it behind me.
It was a sauna in there, but it was better than being outside. I headed to the coffee maker and set a pot to go before grabbing my medication and popping one to calm me down. I turned on the faucet and splashed the coldest water I could get on my face.
My iPod was charging in the speakers, taunting me. At times like these I tended to listen to either My Chemical Romance or Mindless Self Indulgence. I kid you not. I would’ve listened to MSI but that only led me back to Gerard. While I stood and sifted through the cover flow, I heard some yells coming from outside.
My band better be backing me up.
A muffled female voice was livid outside the doors. Just when I swore it was Drew, it was Molly. Sure I was curious to hear what was being said, but at the same time I knew I couldn’t handle it. I finally gave in and just popped in my earbuds to block it out and set my iPod on shuffle. I poured myself a cup of coffee and headed to the back of the bus to sleep in peace.

I wrapped my arms around Molly’s torso, pinning down her biceps. I figured that would keep her still, but she starting kicking the bus door instead.
“DAMMIT Molly, calm down!”
“Like hell!” She kicked me in the shin. I fell back and she started slamming her fists against the bus door again.
“Knock knock? Who’s there? MOLLYYYYYYY!!!” Dan was laughing so hard he tipped himself over. “It’s MOLLYYYY IEROOOO, and she is mad mad mad!”
“You are about five seconds from being kicked out of the band.” Quinn punched him in the gut.
“CLAYAH OPEN THE DOOR. I NEED TO TALK TO YOU.”
“Molly, please!” Mikey ran up and turned her around, slamming her back against the bus. “Please stop, just stop.” He was begging.
Molly looked like she was close to changing her mind before I was dumb enough to attempt standing in front of the bus door so she couldn’t knock anymore.
“I am not just going to stand here,” Molly screamed at us, “And watch you lie to this girl for one more minute.”
“Then close your eyes and let them lie for a second!” Dan went into another fit of giggles.
“Will someone PLEASE knock him out or something?” I yelled.
Mikey went back to begging. He wasn’t even standing anymore; he’d fallen to his knees in front of Molly.
“She was mad at us just now and it hurt, Molly,” I said. “If she finds out it’ll be even worse.”
“No it won’t! She’ll freak out because she’ll be happy. Don’t you think she deserves to know you’re her brothers?”
“What?!”
A shot of fear went through me when I saw that kid—that damn kid—hiding in the shadows of The Used’s bus. Just when I thought the little fucker had disappeared for good, that I’d scared him… there he was.
“Barnabus,” Mark said, “What… what are you still doing here?”
“I was gonna try to sneak around you guys and break into the bus after I saw Clayah go inside,” Barnabus shrugged.
“You’ve got some serious issues, kid,” Frank said.
“You guys are really her brothers?” Barnabus said in awe.
It wasn’t like we could really deny it at this point after Mollers had already flat out said it. Still, I sifted through my brain in search of an excuse, some word that sounded like “brothers” so Barnabus may think he’d misheard.
“Barnabus! Honey!” a woman’s voice called out.
Barnabus’ jaw clenched. “Just a minute, mother, I’m busy!”
“Barnabus Marion Copple, you are going to come here right now.”
Barnabus looked like he could’ve collapsed of embarrassment. “Coming,” he yelled in defeat. Then he looked at me with some sort of vengeance in his eyes. “You tried to keep me away from her, so I’m going to try even harder. She doesn’t deserve to be lied to.” And then he was [really] gone.
“As much as I hate to say it, the creeper’s got a point.” Molly crossed her arms. “And if he gets to her first, she WILL be furious.”
“Hee hee, Marion…” Dan giggled.
My phone buzzed in my pocket. Lyn-Z.
“Give me a minute,” I said.
“Are you kidding?!” Molly yelled.
“It’s my wife, Molly.” She just grumbled and turned to Mikey, off on it again.
I stepped away from the fire and flipped my phone open. “Hello?”
“Hi hon, I hope you’re not in the middle of anything.”
“No, no, it’s fine.”
She was quiet for a second. “Gerard Arthur Way, don’t you dare lie to me.”
“I’m not lying!”
“You’re bad at it. What’s going on?”
I sighed. “Mikey and Clayah and I got into a fight. She stormed off, and Molly freaked out and threatened to tell Clayah—“
“You haven’t told her yet?? Gerard!”
“Linds, if I had told her, you would’ve gotten news of my death.”
I could hear Lyn-Z roll her eyes. “She won’t be that mad. In fact I doubt she’ll be mad at all. Shocked, for sure, but not mad.”
“She freaked out when I tried to keep a creepy kid back! Actually, that’s the real problem. Clayah’s stalker knows.”
“Clayah has a stalker?”
“AND HE KNOWS.”
“Oh… wow…” I could tell she was reassessing the entire situation.
“Exactly.” I took this moment to just plop on the ground, suddenly exhausted. “He’s going to try to get to Clayah first and tell her.”
Lyn-Z was quiet, thinking. “Well,” she said finally, “I guess that’s even more incentive to kick ass.”