Someone out There Loves You

[THREE MONTHS LATER]
I crashed down on the couch inside of the studio.
“Okay, dude,” I said to Mark, “Tell Ronnie it’s seriously time for a break now. We’ve gone non stop for three hours and it‘s fucking dinnertime.”
Mark’s eyes were wide with enthusiasm and agreement when he nodded. He turned his head toward the mic he sat in front of.
“Yo, Ronnie?” he said.
Through the window Ronnie hit the button. “Yeah Mark?”
“Are you guys as hungry as me and Clayah?”
Ronnie threw his arms up in praise, then he hit the button again. “I thought you’d never ask.”
We’d been recording in the studio for about three weeks now. Ronnie was our badass producer; we all love him, but he was definitely tough on us. We needed that. We could usually focus pretty well, but c’mon-- we’re teenagers. ADD is a given at some point.
We were finally working on an album, after we’d recorded a seven track EP to tide Reprise over until we started an actual tour. True, we’d played a ton of gigs since getting signed (including our usual House of Blues nights), but we were antsy to do a REAL TOUR. But recording came first.
But dear Jesus, did we love it.
I’d hardly slept in the three weeks we’d been working. Three out of five days a week I got up at 7 to get to school on time, spent seven hours there, got to the studio by four (which was hard since school got out at 3:15 and the studio was all the way on the other side of the city). Then we recorded till about nine. If I wasn’t recording vocals I was doing homework. I got home, usually with a bit more homework, and some nights got to bed by 11. But dude, I’m a writer. If I’m recording at the time song ideas come out through my fucking ears. So I’m usually asleep by 2 if I write.
Or five. Same thing.
“Whaddo you guys want?” Ronnie asked.
“Doesn’t matter,” Mark said. “Pizza and Monster?”
“AMEN,” I yelled.
Ronnie laughed. “Alright. It’ll be here in twenty minutes. Rest up.”
I yawned and stretched my arms. “Okay,” I said, standing. “Homework time.”
“Oooh-ho no.” Mark body blocked the path to my backpack.
“Hey! Dude, I have to get this shit done. Whether or not I like it.” I rolled my eyes. “Parental condition.”
“All you had tonight was twelve Algebra problems-- which you finished-- and to read a few chapters for your book report. Which you read on the bus.” He looked away from me and at the floor, dazed as he said, “And how you read so fast I do not understand…”
“Yeah,” I said, “But Mr. Hendrick’s will feed me to a wildebeest if I don’t get that oral report perfect--”
“Not due for a week.”
“How do you know?”
“I read your planner.”
“WHAT?!”
“Guppy,” he said, putting his hands on my shoulders, using the nickname he dubbed me when we were little, “I do this because I love you. And you look like a mother fucking zombie right now.”
“Thanks, Shark,” I said sarcastically, using his old nickname.
“Seriously, Clayah, when’s the last time you looked in a mirror?”
I almost responded when I realized he had a point. I hadn’t looked in a mirror for a while. I always put on my eyeliner while I walked to school, using a little handheld mirror. It wasn’t ideal, but I’d have done anything for that extra minute of sleep.
Mark steered me over to the mirror on the wall. I gasped at my reflection.
I did look like a zombie; my eyes had gigantic purple bags under them and I looked even more pale than usual. And my face looked pretty thin despite the fact that most of my diet lately consisted of junk food.
“Whoa.”
“Exactly.” My best friend now guided me over to the couch again. “Now you are going to lay down and sleep until the food gets here. We only have to finish this last track tonight and then we’re done ‘till after Christmas. So when you get home tonight you are sleeping, you goddamn insomniac.” He smiled at me. “And since we have no school tomorrow, I’m coming over at one to make sure you’re still asleep. Oh--” he reached out and grabbed my Starbuck’s coffee cup off the table, “--And no more of this.”
“NO.” I lunged for the coffee but Mark pulled it away. “That’s just cruel.”
“Again, it’s ‘cause I love you.” I grunted and lay back down. Mark threw his hoodie over me and kissed my forehead. Just like when we were kids, since back then we thought we were brother and sister.
I didn’t actually think I was gonna sleep, but I was out before Mark even stood back up.

“Claaaayyyaaaaahhh,” I heard a voice say. “C’mon, I can’t carry you all the way to the van.”
I grumbled. No moving….
“Ugh, fine.” Long ginger hair started to tickle my nose, but I was too tired to swat it away. I felt Monster lift me up and I wrapped my arms around his neck.
“You owe me a dollar, Drew,” I heard Levi laugh. “Since she wasn’t dead.”
“Shut up, man,” Drew yawned. “I’m too bitchy for you right now.”
“Don’t you fall asleep, too,” Mark said. “Clayah’s the baby of Rush And Ruin, so we’ll carry her, but we’re not carrying you.”
There was a pause. I pictured Drew giving her puppy eyes.
“Okay, hop on,” Mark said. I heard Drew jump up for a piggyback ride.
“Aaah,” Levi breather, satisfied. “After and hour of drumming and bass playing, I can’t wait to hear sleigh bells.”
“Huffah,” everyone said. They were excited deep down, but also clearly tired.
“Who thinks we should celebrate at The Bungalo tomorrow?” Levi said.
“First off, we’re gonna be there Saturday morning,” Drew said. “And second we can’t. We have to meet Yoda and Brett at The Firm tomorrow.”
Mark spoke with a grin in his voice when he said, “We should totally wear our pajamas again.” Everyone started laughing pretty hard at the memory.
“Guys, sssshhhh!” Monster whispered. “You know that if she wakes up she will never fall back asleep.”
“Wait,” Mark said, whispering now, “Why are we meeting Yoda and Brett at The Firm?”
“I don’t know,” Drew said. “Helen called me, not Yoda. But she said it was important.”
“That could mean a number of things,” Monster said. “One, we could be getting signed off because Kanye West pulled some other dumbass move so that covered the Molly Iero ‘scandal’--”
“You know that’s not why we were signed,” Levi said.
“--Or, they’re finally putting us on a tour.”
“Dude, the album isn’t even done yet,” Mark said. “That’s dumb.”
I felt Monster shrug. “You never know.”

The next thing I remember was waking up for a bathroom run at exactly 4:47 in the am, and then Mom waking me to take my meds. After that, on the other hand:
“CLAYAHWAKETHEFUCKUP.”
I screamed and sat up, grabbing the alarm clock from my night stand and throwing it in the direction of the noise.
“OW, dude, what the hell??” Drew yelped. “That hurt!”
The entire band was staring down at me, looking… relieved?
“We’ve been trying to wake you for half an hour!” Levi said.
“Is that a megaphone?” I asked.
“Well…” Mark said, searching for a logical explanation. “We didn’t know what else to do!”
“But hey,” Levi said, “It beats Monster’s cold-bucket-of-water plan.”
“It would’ve worked,” Monster grumbled.
“Thank you guys, for waking me so politely at…. What time is it?” Drew handed me my clock with narrowed eyes. “At…SEVEN THIRTY?” I finished. I looked at Mark, and mimicked, “I’m coming over a tone to make sure you’re asleep you goddamn insomniac rahrahRAH.”
Mark flipped me off. “Just get up, Clayah.”
“Yeah, seriously dude,” Monster said, grinning and bouncing on his toes. “Upsie daisy! We gotta get to The Firm!”
“First off,” I said through clenched teeth, “If you say ‘upsie daisy’ ever again I will cut out your spleen and throw it to a herd of rabid deer.”
It went quiet.
“Dude,” Levi whispered. “Give her the fucking coffee.” Mark stuck out a steaming mug of joy to me.
“So why do we have to get to The Firm so early?” I yawned.
“No clue,” Drew said, flopping on the end of my bed.
“Why does all this have to be so secret?” I asked, annoyed.
“Good question, Clay--” evil look at Levi, “--ah.” He laid down next to me. “But according to Yoda we have to be there ;cause, apparently, we’re gonna love it.”
“And he couldn’t just tell you what it was over the phone?” Levi shook his head.
“C’mon, stop stalling.” Monster said. “Get dressed, I’m getting impatient.”
I grumbled. “Meehhfgg.” And pushed past all of them into the bathroom.

We actually beat Brett to the office this time. The rest of the band shifted excitedly in their seats, while I had sunglasses on my face, Starbuck’s in my hand, and basically no energy anywhere in me.
“He’s laaaaattteee,” I groaned. “I got all perdy-d up and out of bed and now he’s laaaatttteee.”
“Yeah, Clayah,” Levi sniffed. “The stained jeans and tshirt definitely scream ‘perdy.’” I stuck my tongue out at him and let me head fall back again.
That’s when the door opened and Brett’s smiling face greeted us. I was so overtired that his happy face was VERY annoying, and I almost threw my coffee at him. Then I remembered it was coffee. Mine.
“Gooooodd morning, my favorite band in the world!” Bret sang. “Whoa, Clayah-- for a second there I could’ve sworn you were Gerard Way!” He laughed. “That’s exactly how he looks every time I see him.”
I, actually, honestly, laughed. “I get that a lot.”
Brett clapped his hands. “So hey, it’s gonna be just us for a little bit, ‘cause Pete’s making some very important calls for me. Including to your parents.”
“WHAT’DWEDO?” Levi jumped. Brett started.
“He had some nasty years in high school,” I said casually. “He does that. Go on?”
Brett looked a bit afraid, then moved along. “Well, you’re not in trouble.” He gave Levi an odd look as he situated himself behind Yoda’s desk. “And the only thing you really have to be afraid of now is running out of soap.”
Insert awkward silence here.
“…Soap?” Drew said.
Brett nodded, still grinning. We just stared at him.
“Well, ever since signing you guys, I’ve been wondering about you touring. Especially now with the album almost done. So, I came up with a fantastic idea!
“Reprise has been wanting to show for a while that our label has a certain… intimacy to it. Like we’re all one big happy family.” He clapped his hands. “And that will be the name of the tour you’re about to go on!”
“Intimacy?” Mark giggled.
“No no no,” Brett waved him off. “The Big Happy Family Tour. Because at Reprise Records, we ARE family.”
Oh God, if this was going to get corny, I was going back to bed.
“So we laid out all our bands. You at the center of course. So this tour has everything from rookies to veterans--”
“Uhm, pardon me,” Drew said, “This is nice and all, but with respects, can I just ask about that tour itself?”
“Oh right. That’s the best part.”
I know he signed us but if he smiled one more time….
“The Big Happy Family Tour.” He waved his hands out in front of him as if envisioning a sign. “Starring Rush And Ruin, The Used, My Chemical Romance, and Green Day!”
There was zero reaction in the entire room, spare Brett’s very confused face.
“You’re all….stuck,” he said blankly.
“You mean to tell us,” I said, “That we’re about to tour with The Used AND My Chemical Romance AND Green Day?”
“Mmhm!” Brett nodded. “A world tour!”
I dropped my coffee.
Levi’s chair went back with him when he fainted.
All of this was happening so quickly. My brain may have been an exhausted mush but nevertheless it felt like only yesterday we were getting signed.
Plus this kind of thing just didn’t happen.
“Pete’s on the phone right now, trying to get a hold of everyone and their managers. Only person we seem to be having trouble reaching is Frank Iero… Nice guy, by the way, you’ll have lots of fun on tour with him.”
From the corner, Mark busted out into this crazy, uncontrollable giggling that scared me.
“We-we’re-we,” he gasped for air, “We’re gonna kn-know he’s nice c-’cause we’re going on TOUR with him!” And he started giggling all over again.
“Brett, you’re really serious about all this?” Monster asked.
“Yeah, guys, I’m dead serious!” Brett laughed. “It’s all in the works. We’ve got everyone in on it--” His Blackberry buzzed and he checked it. “See? Now we even have Frank.” Brett hit the speakerphone button on his phone, setting it on the desk.
“Hey, Frank,” Brett said. “What’s up, man?”
“Hey Brett, long time no talk.”
That was Frank Iero’s voice. Coming from the phone right in front of me.
“Sorry I couldn’t talk earlier, I was out with Molly. So what’s this tour shit I hear about?”
“I’m looking at your new tour mates right now,” Brett said. “The new band.”
Peachy. That’s how we were known.
“Oh yeah,” Frank said. “Rush And Ruin, right?”
“Yep, they’re right here. I think they would say hello but…they’re kind shell shocked right now.”
Frank laughed. “Well, hi to you guys anyway! My daughter really likes you guys. She’ll be coming on tour too. That’s cool, right, Brett?”
Brett and Frank started talking technicalities and the band huddled.

“Please tell me I’m not still asleep,” I said.
“As far as I know you’re awake,” Drew said, “But I may very well have gone through a portal to The Twilight Zone so don’t trust me.”
I put my head in my knees. “Dear Lord, I need a nap.”
“How can you even THINK about sleep at a time like this?” Monster’s ginger hair was practically glowing, he was so excited. “This is probably the biggest moment of our LIVES.”
“It also my be the biggest moment of our dreams, so focus,” Levi said.
“On what, exactly?” Mark asked.
“Whether or not we’re awake, dumbass!” I slapped Mark upside the head.
“We’re totally awake!” Monster squealed. “This is so AWESOME.”
“God you sound like a pansy…” Drew mumbled.
“I think this is really about to happen, guys,” Levi said seriously.
We took that moment to just kind of look at one another. I could tell we were all thinking the same things.
This is it.
How did we get here?
Our lives are about to begin…..
“OOOHHHKAAYY!!” Brett yelled when we all started screaming.
“Is everything okay?” the Blackberry said.
“It’s fine, Frank, it’s fine,” Brett assured him.
I ran over to the desk.
“Hi, Frank Iero?” I said. I felt totally euphoric and my star struck feeling melted.
“Uh, yeah?”
“This is Clayah Shier, I’m the lead singer of Rush And Ruin.”
“Oh, hey Clayah.”
“Just wanted to let you know that we CAN’T FUCKING WAIT to tour with you guys!!” The band yelled in approval from behind me.
“Yeah, well,” I said, “That’s about all I have to say for now, as I am needed in the band celebration.”
“Alright then,” Frank said. “See you soon.”
“Yepp. Oh,” I doubled back, “Say hi to your daughter for me.”

That night when my head hit the pillow, I felt amazing. The rest of the day had been planning and cheering and Yoda bitching at us to stop hugging him because “I-am-on-the-phone-with-Dan-Whitesides-go-AWAY,” and I was officially exhausted.
But despite how much I wanted to fall asleep, I also didn’t. Did you ever have those really happy days that you never wanted to end? And you kept your eyes open as long as possible so that it never had to end? That was me.
It wasn’t ending, though. We were flying out to California on January 17th. To see our bus. To meet the bands. To tour the world.
And I wasn’t going to stay awake for months.
So I sank my head deeper into my pillow, and fell asleep smiling.