A Particular Needle

I finally had to say goodbye to Spencer. That meant another three days of being depressed in this humid hotel room with Jenna and Taylor. None of us were really in the mood to talk. I was put in a little bit of a better mood, though. Spencer didn't live in Quantico, but he worked there so he couldn't live far. I wouldn't have expected him to live there. There's only roughly one hundred families and I'm sure I know them all. Anyways, it meant that possibly I could see him again.

It also meant he'd be much closer to where Blake was and balancing the two could be awfully tricky. And if Blake was ever to find out...

I shook my head.

"You okay?" Taylor asked, breaking the silence.

"No, not really."

"You know it's not your fault. It could've happen to any one of us."

"But it didn't, Taylor. It happened to Clarity while I was supposed to be taking care of her."

Then there was more silence. It was actually to the point where it got sickening. I was ready to scream, but instead I got up and left them.

I headed downstairs to the lobby of the hotel. The hotel had a sitting area and I sat there, taking out my cellphone. I was ready to call Blake.

"Venus! Why did it take you so long to call me? God damn it, you haven't replied to any of my texts. What have you been doing?"

"Clarity's...uh, she's in the hospital."

"Partying too hard? Ha, I know that girl."

"That's not what happened, Blake." I closed my eyes in attempt to calm myself down from his stupidity. "She's been stabbed."

I knew that word would never come out right. My voice always got shaky and changed tones. I couldn't help it, either. There was a silence over the line.

"Why aren't you guys on your way home?" he demanded.

"She's in the hospital now, I just said that! She can't just walk out!"

"Don't yell at me!" he snapped.

I breathed out heavily. "I'm sorry. You know what? I gotta go."

I hung up before I could hear his reply. I wasn't prepared to deal with him if he was going to act like that right now, and later I might have a little more sanity. I waved down a taxi and headed to the hospital. I thought about texting Spencer, but I didn't want to seem too clingy.

Ha! Clingy? I'm way past clingy. He probably thought I was nuts. I mean, first I just happened to need a towel while I was in that slutty bathrobe. I should have burned that thing. Only Clarity could make that look classy. Then what? Then he finds me in the middle of the street, soaking wet, and in hysterics. That was just lovely. Oh, and the least desperate part was when I took him up on his offer to sleep in his room! I've slept in the same bed with him twice and I've known him for roughly four days. I know it's spring break, but it's different if you're planning on talking to the guy again.

Which I totally am.

I went into the hospital, making sure to turn my phone off. The doctor said I could go right in so I did. Clarity was still lying in her bed, eyes closed. I sat down and grabbed her hand.

"Clare, I'm so sorry. This is all my fault and I wish I could take it all back. You shouldn't be here right now. It should be me in this bed. If I could change that, you know I would. Please pull through."

Clarity attempted a laugh but it turned into a wince. I jumped up from my chair and leaned over her.

"Clarity!" I cried.

She smiled, but I could tell she was in pain.

"It's not your fault, Venus. I was stupid. This is what I get for always being drunk. If it wasn't this, then the alcohol damage to my liver would have done it," she attempted to laugh again as she went about her natural comedic way. Her voice was scratchy, but yet soft and quiet.

"This isn't it, Clarity. You're going to be fine," I promised her. I could feel myself about to cry again. I hated how she was so sure, but she didn't know.

"This is it. I'm not okay with it, but I'm just going to have to accept it."

We sat in silence for a few minutes. The doctor I've seen lots of for the past two days entered the room. He checked some things on the machine.

"I'm sorry to interrupt, but I'm going to have to ask you to leave," he said.

"Why?!" I snapped. "What's happening? Why do I have to go?"

Clarity had her eyes shut again, but the monitor wasn't beeping fast or anything so I knew she was still there.

"You've said goodbye, you need to go now," he told me. This time his voice was a little more bold.

I looked at him and then back to Clarity. I kissed my hand and placed it on her forehead. I tried to stop myself from crying, but I lost it somewhere from being outside the room to the side of the street. I hailed down a taxi.

*****

Jenna covered her mouth with her hand as she sobbed. Taylor slammed the bathroom door behind her. I was exhausted from just explaining what happened at the hospital. I layed down on Taylor's and my bed, facing the glass door that lead out to the balcony. I remembered back when Taylor wanted Clarity to see the view from there. I couldn't remember if she ever did.

I closed my eyes, trying to go back to when Clarity and I sat on the beach. She looked so carefree then. She was a typical princess, with gorgeous hair, huge sunglasses, and a designer bathing suit. It's hard to imagine a life going so great could be in such danger. She had everything she ever wanted. People envied her to no end.

"Is she going to die?" Jenna cried. It was followed by her flying into hysterics. She threw stuff and swore until she didn't make sense anymore.

"Jenna, sit the hell down and relax," Taylor yelled as she swung open the bathroom door.

I watched the two of them scream at each other. Both of them barely made sense because of how much they were crying.

"Oh shut up!" I groaned.

They both stopped.

"Look at us!" Jenna sighed.

"I think we all just need a little time apart," Taylor insisted before she left the room.

I sat down beside Jenna. She had her hands on her head and her elbows rested on her knees.

"How could this have happened?" she asked me.

"Clarity knows what's happening," I told her, not answering her question, but it was something I thought she should know. "You know, everyone told me it wasn't my fault and I just couldn't believe them, but then Clarity told me it wasn't and I think I might be able to believe her. It was so weird. I was expecting her to be furious with me, but it was like she knew exactly what I went through these last two days."

"That's what best friends do. God damn it, we need to go to the hospital."

Jenna jumped up and frantically grabbed her phone and put on her shoes.

"Why?"

"Because I didn't say goodbye."

*****

We rushed in to the hospital. The doctor was at the front desk taking to the secretary. He looked up and frowned as he walked over to us.

"I have some unfortunate news," he began. "Why don't you take a seat?"

I wondered why they never mixed it up. Jenna and I both knew exactly what he was going to say. I let Jenna sit and the doctor told her everything. I didn't want to hear it, I didn't feel I needed to. I knew when someone was gone. I stood outside the hospital, waiting for Jenna. I looked in my purse and took out a package of cigarettes. I used to be a chain smoker, but I've slowed down to only smoking once in awhile or in high stress situations, and this situation couldn't be anymore stressful.

I shouldn't have, but I called Spencer.

"Hello?"

"Hey Spence," I said because I knew he'd know exactly who it was.

"Hey!" he cleared his throat. "Uh hey, what's up?"

I started crying yet again, but I managed to spit out what happened.

"I'm really sorry to hear that, are you okay?"

"I've been better."

"I would imagine. Are you coming home today?"

"I think so, I don't know. I want to. Why?"

"Oh, um, just because. So, uh, I'll see you when you get back?"

Blake!

"Uh maybe."

"Just maybe?"

"Listen, Spence...Spencer. I'm not so sure this is a good idea, you know? I like you, it's just I'm a case. I don't think--"

"No, right, I get it. It's totally understandable," he told me, but his voice didn't sound convincing.

"Promise we can still keep in touch though?"

"Sure," he said after a long pause, and then he hung up.

I went back inside the hospital to get Jenna and find some Kleenex. Then I pulled the phone away from my ear and hung up.