Memories of Love

Flatline.

~~~

Ryan tripped on the door frame. Brendon was there to catch him. Ryan smiled, nuzzling his nose into Brendon’s chest. He locked his fingers into Brendon’s arms and held him close. This kind of moment; this position, was the only time Ryan ever felt safe. When he had a wall around him. The embrace of his lover. It was enough to keep the world and all its troubles out of his mind, if only for a little while.

~~~

They were walking back to their apartment, a week after they’d moved in together. It was the middle of fall. Ryan couldn’t help but notice the irony in the word, “apartment,” because they were actually together at last. Free of protestation. Free of Ryan’s father guarding him away from reality and locking him into their world. Free to be in love.

Out of the corner of his eye, Ryan caught a red leaf falling down from its home. Funny, how he was ready to rewrite his life as everything around him was dying to end. Irony again, he supposed. Ryan rubbed his hands together as a breeze picked up, wondering why the hell he hadn’t taken a warmer jacket. He was only a skeleton, after all. He wrapped his arms around himself and pressed them into his ribcage. Suddenly, his shoulder was being shaken, and Ryan whipped his head around at whoever was doing it. He could only laugh when he realized it was Brendon. Brendon’s eagerness was still something he hadn’t gotten used to.

“Look, first star,” Brendon said, jabbing his finger up towards the darkening sky. Ryan could hear the excitement in his voice. When Ryan’s family/school/life had destroyed his emotions, Brendon was there to rebuild them. Where Ryan lacked, Brendon added in. They were ying and yang: two opposites drawn together. If for no other reason than that no one else could understand them. And that was the thought that sent Ryan’s stomach into a spiral; Brendon understood him. After years of mistrust and betrayal, Ryan had someone who could tell how he felt through his eyes. It felt so good to have that with him, for once in his life.

“I guess it is,” Ryan finally said, snapping himself out of his indulgence. He shivered as another gust hit, hoping that Brendon didn’t see.

“Well, make a wish.”

“Hmm?” Ryan was starting to lose feeling in his lips. They were tingling.

“Make a wish, Ry-ry.”

Ryan spilled the first thought that came to his head. “I wish I had a c-coat.” Brendon spun to face him. He gasped.

“Ryan, your lips are blue. And your cheeks are flushed. And you’re shivering.” Brendon was already shrugging his jacket off his shoulders.

“No, Brendon, you’ll be cold,” Ryan stated as strongly as he could. Brendon just shook his head.

“Take this, you need it.”

Before Ryan could even open his lips to protest, he was being mummified in an overcoat that was too big for him. Then he was being mummified in an embrace.

“And remember,” Brendon whispered into his ear, “you’ll always have my body to keep you warm.” Ryan’s stomach spiraled.

“Where would I be without you?”

“At your house, with your dad.”

Ryan laughed, ducking his head to keep Brendon from seeing him blush. “Then thanks, a lot,” he mumbled. Brendon put his fingers underneath Ryan’s chin and tilted his head back up.

“You’re welcome,” he said, staring straight into Ryan’s eyes. Ryan started fidgeting; he hated when Brendon did that. It always made him feel open and vulnerable. Two things he’d never been until Brendon came into his life.

“Hey, hey, shush,” Brendon said, rubbing Ryan’s back. Ryan finally gave in, leaning onto him.

They parted a few minutes later, holding hands as they walked the rest of the way home.

~~~

Summer. The rain was coming down in streams, but they didn’t care. Ryan was laughing, running across a field, as Brendon trailed close behind. Ryan tripped, flailing as he hit the ground. Brendon was quick to help him up, grabbing his hand tightly and pulling. Ryan watched the world spin back into focus. He blinked and was faced with a worry-eyed Brendon. “Don’t worry, love,” he said, squeezing Brendon’s hand.

Brendon smiled, but his eyes read nervous. Ryan frowned; he was determined to make Brendon feel alright. He couldn’t stand seeing him upset.

Ryan pulled Brendon out into the middle of the field, nearly dragging him. The rain poured down, soaking them both. Ryan saw that Brendon’s too-long bangs were plastered to his forehead. He smiled and brushed them aside. Brendon finally got the hint. They closed the gap together.

Together, they were finally one, connected by a kiss in the rain.

Ryan lost his breath first and pulled away. “Better, Brendon?” he whispered.

Brendon chuckled. “I’ll always be fine as long as you’re here.”

They pulled into an embrace; where Ryan felt safe, where the world and its troubles couldn’t attack him. He opened his mouth to say words that had been planted in his heart for a while.

All that came out was a flatline.

~~~

“I’m sorry. There was nothing we could do. He passed away last night.”

~~~

Brendon jerked awake, gasping and sobbing. He reached out for Ryan, his comfort, his pillow, his love.

All he felt was a cold mattress. The memories of what once was, of a love that once existed. Brendon curled his legs up, wrapped his arms around him, and cried.

“I’ll always be fine as long as you’re here.”

But that was all gone now.