All I Wanted Was You

“I love you Belinda Morgan. I haven’t felt this strong about someone. I love you.”
I just sat there looking at him with a blank expression.
He caressed my cheek
“Say something gorgeous.”
“I didn’t imagine you saying that?”
“Say something.”
Truth, don’t beat around the bush.
“I care about you a lot Rob.”
He looked away.
“That wasn’t exactly the answer I wasn’t expecting.”
“I’m sorry.”
“I feel like a fucking idiot.”
He got up and went to the window.
“Hey hey.”
I went up to him and grabbed his hand and he grabbed onto mine.
“I feel like an idiot. I am that crazy guy who says ‘I love you’ first and then gets dumped.”
“No hun its not that.”
“Then what is it?”
Truth.
“If I say it now...then I will be saying it to say it back.”
“What?”
“Rob. When I say it, I want to mean it. I want to feel it, that warm feeling and that smile that won’t leave my face. I want to mean it.”
He pulled me into his chest.
“Then I will wait.”
“Thank you.”
He spent the rest of the day holding me and telling me stories of his youth and about his family and how much he loved them.
“I hope to meet them one day they sound amazing.”
“They will love you Belinda so don’t worry about that.”
“hahaha I will worry about what I will wear.”
“So like a girl.”
“I like to look my best when the occasion for it.”
“How come we don’t talk about you love?”
“There isn’t much to know.”
“I highly doubt that. When did you start singing?”
“Uh..when I was 10. I opened my mouth and out came the voice.”
“Really?”
“Yep after that all the choir teachers wanted me to sing everywhere. I kind of turned my back on it after that. I was never fine being the center of any kind of attention. I just run from it.”
“I kind of figured that.”
“because of the running?”
“Yeah the first time you just dashed in heels no less.”
We looked outside and saw the starry night.
And enjoying the light of the city.
“This is all so beautiful in its own way.”
“I do like coming here but never seem to stay long. I like some privacy.”
“I can understand that. How can you deal with your private life being out there?”
“I don’t know. Sometimes are harder then others, sometimes I have panic attacks, and sometimes I just avoid going outside.”
“Must be lonely.”
“It was…I have you now.”
It was nice having him in my life.
He was making me somewhat normal.
“You have to get to bed mister.”
“Do I have to?”
“Do you want to be like a zombie at the studio?”
“No.”
“Then off to bed. Come on.”
“Fine.”
He got into bed and then smiled.
“Goodnight Rob.”
“Goodnight gorgeous.”
I went back to my room and sat on the love seat and stared out my window.
Can I love him one day?
That black piece of my past won’t seem to leave.
How do I get rid of it?
Get angry.
At what?
You know who.
I thought we had this discussion.
I can’t.
You will.
I have such a confusing subconscious.
I went to my bed and laid down and soon enough fell asleep.
‘god you are such a pathetic girl.’
‘what are you saying?’
‘Just shut up with the whole innocent act you fucking bitch.’
‘Nate what is the matter with you?’
‘you fucking tease.’
‘you know what get out.’
‘I am not leaving here until I do what I came here to do.’
‘and whats that?’
‘this!’
‘NO!!’
I was covered in sweat.
“Son of a bitch. Will it ever stop?!”
I got out of bed and walked around.
The clock in the main room read 3:33am
“fuck.”
There was only one way I would get a nice sleep.
I walked over to the connecting door and opened it and quietly walked in.
And I found a non sleeping Rob sitting up on his bed writing.
“What are you doing up?”
I put his pen down.
“I could ask you the same question.”
“I couldn’t sleep….memories getting to me.”
He put his journal aside and opened the sheets.
“Come on.”
I got in and got comfortable.
“Why are you up?”
“I couldn’t sleep without you here.”
Its strange how much we are attached to each other, strange, but nice.