The Heart of Everything

I woke up in an unfamiliar room, lying on a king-sized bed. The walls were pained dark crimson, with yellow and gold patterns as adornments. The bed was more comfortable than I ever remembered, the cushions, the pillow, the blanket. It was like nothing before. I used to sleep in the wilds, leaning against the trees as the storms continued to rage outside…

How did I know this? Where was I? Who helped me?...

Who was I?
What…what was happening? Why were there words forming in my head? Where…? My hands! I couldn’t feel anything. I thought of moving my feet, or any part of my body. Nothing worked. I was floating in the void. The entrance was too far, and the exit was non-existent.

Pain stuck my head like someone had hit me with a bat when I tried to remember anything about myself. There was an invisible barrier in my head, blocking me from accessing the memory.

‘Ugh…my head hurts…’

‘Ah, you’re finally awake, little one,’ an old voice said from across the room.

Surprised, I sat up in the bed, trying to get a good look at the person. My arms wobbled as I attempted to support myself. A sudden strength assisted me. I turned to the side, and found that a person stood next to the bed.
I gasped. This man…the king of werewolves. How did this child know him? The king was a cruel emperor, callous, and manipulative, which was the worst combination. He knew how to lure people into traps, and turn them against each other while watching from aside, like the Romans watched the gladiators battled wild beast in the Coliseum.

He was a beard middle-aged male. The clothes he wore marked his status as a royalty. The robe, which reached the floor perfect without any missing or excessive cloth, was forest green with golden rims. Simple, yet it showed how high his status was than any other elaborated clothing. The man was special, apart from his rank. He was something else. A term came into my mind.

Werewolf.

How did I know that?

‘Are you ok, child?’ He asked me gently.

I hesitated. Why was he being so nice? What could he possibly want from me? ‘Yes, sir.’
‘Good. How are you feeling?’

‘Fine, sir.’

‘Excellent…’The scene faded with a splash of darkness, leaving me wondered was he really the king of werewolves. He was nice, and caring. What caused him to change, or was it merely an act?

When black substance melted away, it showed pictures to me. In every photo, it was centered on a young man, perhaps it was the child because the boy seemed to be older with each picture. However, none of them were clear enough for me to identify the boy. They were blurred, yet I could tell what was occurring at the moment. The boy was training swordsmanship, archery, and other military knowledge. He also studied in some grand libraries where could be called books’ paradise. Finally, the picture of him bowing to the king enlarged, filling the entire space.

The king was once more praising me for watching him, shielding him, and for the successful assassination I’d done recently. I tuned out his words out of habit. There was nothing new to know. ‘What a wonderful job you’ve done!’ bla, bla, bla…

‘Is there anything you want, my son?’ he laughed merrily, thrilled by the news of his now dead opponent.

The target was a landlord of a nearby land. The king wanted his land for its rich soil to grow food, but the landlord wouldn’t sell his land for it was his ancestral property. I would have feel, what people would call, bad, for killing the man for such a reason, yet I never had this emotions. I did not understand it.

‘There is nothing I need, sire,’ I replied evenly.

‘Excellent,’ he used the word again. ‘I always know you’re special…’I strained to hear the words. They trailed off gradually, keeping me from listening. A secret I shouldn’t know, and yet I was watching this…memory. I wondered what the purpose for this was. Who was behind the images I was seeing?

The sound returned, and ‘I’ was walking down some corridor. At first, I recognize nothing in the castle and the paths outside, but some time later, the road started to look familiar. I couldn’t place it though.

A person appeared, approaching slowly. I could make out it was a woman as she got closer. Her features became clear to me when she passed the shades of the trees. I couldn’t believe my eyes.

Katy.

Katy.

She was my foster sister, a loving too, though she didn’t melt my cold exterior as I had originally hoped. I thought if I met someone who was nice enough, he or she would be able to help me from being so indifferent. I wanted feel, the experience the emotions people spoke so much of, the thing that people would blame when they were wrong. She greeted me with a grin, as usual, and asked how the meeting with the king went. I shrugged.

She was not affected by my reaction, or lack of reaction, maybe she had already gotten used to it by now. ‘Come on, mum and dad are in the house.’

I walked after her leisurely. There were times that I doubted the intentions of the king for sending me to the foster family. He said it was because he was too busy and did not have enough time to spend with me as a family. So instead, his brother’s family took the position of raising me, though I continued to spend most of the time in the castle beside the king as his right hand, and to train my skills.

‘Dad’ once asked me about my dreams when I was still a child. I told him a lot of dreams, yet I took none of them seriously. So many dreams were broken and so much was sacrificed for the king. I had pledge myself to him, to be his loyal servant. Other than my dreams, he also asked me was it worth the ones we loved and had to leave behind. I understand none of his word; I still didn’t. Facing my silence, I recalled he murmured to himself, ‘So many years have passed, who are the noble and the wise?’

What a strange man.
Was he talking about the same person I know? Katy’s dad, the king’s brother? But that did not make sense. Why would they live in a small hut in the middle of a forest when they could live luxuriously as a royalty? This was getting more confusing than ever. Perhaps…that was only a Katy look-alike instead of the Katy I befriended with?

I carried on floating as the ridiculous idea swarmed in my mind. The lights faded, changing the scene into nothingness. I had returned to the void. This time, however, I felt something else. I felt tears, I felt agonizing pain. It was not physical, it was from the heart.

What was I doing? It was impossible. I’d fallen for my enemy, my nemesis. I couldn’t, I shouldn’t, yet I did, and so did she. A cruel joke fate had played on us.

I lied on my bed in the now permanent room in the castle. The thoughts of her just wouldn’t go away. I’d think of her, dream of her. I was living because of her. She owned my heart, my mind, my soul. I had wished I wasn’t the king’s servant. If only I didn’t have the power…it tormented my life, obeying the crown was a sinister price.

Key word: had.

She killed them…she killed them in cold blood!

I had fallen for her, and looked what happened. She murdered my entire family when everything finally began to be right for me.

I covered my eyes, tears didn’t stop falling. My soul was tortured by love and by pain. She killed them…yet my love didn’t wane! I had chased her away, and I regretted it immediately. I couldn’t develop hatred towards her, I couldn’t will myself to. I would have fled, to run away from everything, but the oath made me stay.

Torn between the honor and the true love of my life, I prayed for both but was denied.
‘Wake up and escape from your fantasy,’ I growled at myself. ‘Max.’

But I didn’t want to.
I wanted to faint, I couldn’t take it. Max…not only he was the commander of the werewolves army, he was also the king’s right-hand man. I...I…it couldn’t be. It must be a mistake. Max…he wouldn’t betray me like that, would he? Yet, I didn’t know I had caused him such pain. I thought he hated me, and that was it. I’d never thought he’d still savor the love for me.

Please forgive me for the sorrow, for leaving you in fear. For the dreams we had to silence, that was all they’d ever be. Still I’d be the hand that saved you, though you’d not see, that would be me.

Sorry, Max.

Courage filled me anew, giving me strength to complete my goal. I had to end this, the never ending cycle.

Would all our sins be justified, Max?