You Left Me to Remain With All Your Excuses for Everything

Five weeks later Tyler was sitting in his SUV in a parking lot he’d been in many times before. He wasn’t sure this was a good idea, but he had so many things he needed to fix. Christine was completely out of his life and the divorce was still in process without any interaction between them. He hated that everything was so completely destroyed.

He took a deep breath before getting out of the car and going to the door. Once more breath and he rang the doorbell and waited with his hands behind his back. A few anxious minutes passed before she opened the door and he looked up at her.

“Oh my god…” she breathed. “What the hell…”

“I should be happy Madison didn’t answer the door,” he said and cleared his throat. “Can we talk?”

“I don’t think there is anything to talk about,” Jackie said and looked at the floor.

“I have a lot of things I need to say, baby” he said then. She looked at him and took a deep breath. Why did he have to be here now? After almost two months?

“Don’t,” she said and looked at him seriously.

“I’m sorry, it was force of habit,” he said. “Can we go some place, maybe to get some coffee or something?”

“I don’t know…” she said.

“What the fuck is he doing here?!” Madison shouted from over Jackie’s shoulder, causing Jackie to jump a little bit from the start.

“I’m handling it,” she said as she turned to face her friend.

“You’re handling it?! Are you going to handle it like you did last time?! Where he started with his smooth talk and his lies and you ended up pregnant and alone!?”

“Madison, please stop acting like my mother!” Jackie said with some anger.

“Jackie! I love you, and I don’t want to watch this douche lord break your heart again! When he left you spent two weeks in bed crying! I’m not going to stand by and watch that happen again!”

“I know, but you have to let me take care of this on my own, Madison, please. I know you only care about me, and I appreciate it so much, but I’m a big girl. I have to take care of this alone,” Jackie said gently. “I don’t mess with you and Josh.”

“Fine, whatever,” Madison scoffed and walked away and into her bedroom. Jackie turned back to Tyler then and he cleared his throat again.

“She still hates me,” he smiled. Jackie looked down a little bit with embarrassment. “I deserve to be hated.”

“Still…” Jackie said. He nodded. “Fine Tyler, I’ll go with you to get coffee, but I’m not taking you back…”

“I know,” he said. She slipped on a pair of shoes and followed him to his SUV. It had been such a long time since she’d been in his car. She felt awkward seeing him again, and the ride to Starbucks coffee was almost completely silent with tension so thick she could taste it. It bothered her.

Once inside the coffee shop she ordered a caramel Frappuccino and took a seat at a table while he paid for the coffee. He took a seat with her and looked at her for a second while she played with her straw.

“So, how have you been?” he asked. He wasn’t surprised by her slight eye roll.

“How do you think?” she asked. He nodded and looked down at the table for a second.

“Christine…told me you stopped by our old place,” he said and took a deep breath. “She told me you had an abortion…”

“Yea…I did,” Jackie said with some discomfort and sadness in her voice. “I still don’t have a job, and you obviously didn’t want anything to do with it so I just had an abortion. I couldn’t keep it alone. And since I meant nothing to you, I didn’t feel obligated to have your baby.”

“Jackie…the things I said to you…I won’t ever forgive myself for that. I was just angry and I wasn’t thinking about your feelings. I said things that had no meaning,” he said then and looked at her with sincerity. She caught his eye for a second and then looked away.

“You said things with enough meaning to be said,” she answered. He sighed and put his hand through his hair. He wanted to take back everything he’d ever said to hurt her, and he wished more than anything he could make her see how sorry he was.

“The day you told me about the baby…was the day Christine found out about the affair. She asked me why it went on so long, and I tried and tried to think of a reason other than the truth, Jackie. That was the moment I realized that you are everything to me…and I know I hurt you like nobody has any right to hurt you. But please honey, I’m begging you to try this with me again,” he said. She looked at the table for a long time.

“I don’t think I can,” she said then and looked at him. “How can I trust you now?”

“I’m giving you everything I have left to give you. All my cards are on the table,” he said. She sighed.

“You broke my heart, Tyler,” she said. “When I found out I was pregnant, I was so happy. I really thought it would mean something,” she sniffed.

“It did mean something…it meant everything…I just didn’t realize it until it was too late. “

“But see Tyler, that’s just the thing. It’s too late now.”

“I know I hurt you…but you have to believe that I’m sorry Jackie. I never meant to hurt you that bad. I was stupid to think that I didn’t love you. I love you, Jackie. I’ve never said that to you with such truth and sincerity as I’m saying it now…please…” he said.

“Tyler, before this goes any further, there are some things you should know,” she said gently. He cleared his throat in preparation for what she had to say.

“What kinds of things?” he asked.

“Tyler…I’ve met someone,” she started.

“Met someone? Like, a man?” he asked with some shock in his voice.

“Yea, a man, a man that makes me happy, Tyler. He’s good to me, and he doesn’t lie to me or hurt me. He’s not married…” she said. Tyler nodded.

“I hope you’re happy,” he said with defeat and anger in his voice. She looked at him with wide eyes as she noted the anger that laced his words.

“I can’t believe you! You are mad at me because I’m happy?! You told me I didn’t mean anything to you! That I was just your piece of ass! I gave you everything, Tyler! I gave you the last year of my life, I waited and waited for you to be mine, because I loved you! All you did was take advantage of me! So dammit, you don’t get to be mad at me! That isn’t fair!” she cried. A few of the people inside the coffee shop looked in her direction but she didn’t care.

“I’m not mad at you Jackie,” he said. “I’m mad at myself…for letting you get away when you gave me so much of your love. I’m mad at myself because I’m an idiot, because I didn’t know an amazing thing when it was staring me in the face,” he said gently.

“Tyler, I love you…don’t think I don’t. But you hurt me more than you know, and I can’t give up this great guy for someone that told me I was nothing,” she said. He nodded.

“I know,” he said. “Look, I’ll take you home now okay?” he said. She sighed and nodded before standing up and following him back to his truck. There wasn’t as much tension now as there had been before. He drove her back to her apartment and walked her to her front door.

“Tyler, I am glad we talked…” she said then.

“Me too,” he agreed and looked down. He was still confused as to how he had let everything slip away from him. How he’d allowed himself to get so caught up in lust to miss the love. She looked at the floor for a second before taking his hand and playing with his fingers a little bit. He closed his eyes then and took in that moment, rather than pull his hand away like he always had before. He would miss her so much.

“I want to keep in touch with you, okay? Because you are too important to me to just leave behind,” she said as she looked towards the parking lot to see a black Range Rover pulling into a parking spot. She let go of his hand then.

“Yea, we’ll keep in touch,” he said and opened his eyes. Jackie smiled at him as she heard footsteps clicking on the cement coming towards her house.

“Good,” she said.

“I am going to miss so much about you,” Tyler said gently. Jackie sighed.

“Am I interrupting something?” asked a raspy male voice. Tyler turned then to see who was talking to them. He was a little surprised to see a tall man with dark brown hair that was shorter in the back and sides with bangs that hung down in his face. He smiled at Tyler with a little bit of sarcasm in his body language and pushed his hair out of his blue eyes.

“No, you’re not interrupting anything, we were just talking,” Jackie said then. “I wasn’t expecting you though, Austin,” she said.

“Obviously,” he said and looked back at Tyler. “Who is this?”

“I’m Tyler,” he said and offered his hand. Austin shook it tensely.

“Oh…so you’re the guy?” he said. Tyler cleared his throat a little bit and looked at Jackie for a second.

“That depends,” he said, “on what guy I’m supposed to be.”

“Not any good one,” Austin said defensively. Jackie took a deep breath and looked at Austin.

“We’re just talking, Austin, why don’t you go inside honey, I’ll be in in just a minute,” she said. He gave her a look and then looked back at Tyler.

“Fine,” he said and went into the apartment. Tyler looked at Jackie then and she looked down with a little bit of awkwardness.

“So, that’s the guy you’ve met?” he asked her. She looked up and nodded.

“Yea…I met him at one of Josh’s shows about a month ago,” she said.

“That’s cool, I hope you are happy,” Tyler said and smiled at her gently. She nodded and then she put her arms around him in a hug. “I guess I should go and let you have your time with him then.”

“I’ll see you around?” she asked. He nodded and hugged her back. “Can…I have a goodbye kiss?” He thought for a minute before leaning down and pressing his lips against hers. He pulled away quickly and she nodded. “I love you, Tyler,” she said.

“I love you…” he trailed off, and then he left.