You Left Me to Remain With All Your Excuses for Everything

She woke up with Tyler’s back to her. She didn’t mind, he’d held her most of the night. She got out of bed and pulled her red bikini cut lace panties back on and his black button up shirt. She buttoned three of the buttons, just enough to keep it closed so her breasts were covered, but most of her chest and abdomen was visible. She smelled the collar of the shirt and smiled a little bit. It smelled like him.

She walked into the kitchen and yawned a little bit while rubbing the sleep from her eyes. “Morning,” said a familiar man’s voice. She jumped from the start and turned to see Josh, Madison’s boyfriend, sitting at the table drinking a cup of coffee. He smiled at her and she glared at him.

“Don’t do that jerk!” she squealed. He laughed and took a sip of his coffee. “When did you get here, you weren’t here last night?”

“I got here late last night, Madison was already in bed when I got here, I surprised her,” he said.

“Where is she?” Jackie asked, noticing that her best friend wasn’t in the kitchen with Josh. “Did she make you breakfast? Are you hungry?”

“She’s in the shower, no she didn’t make breakfast, yes I’m hungry,” he answered. She nodded a little bit.

“I can make you breakfast, or are you going out with Madison?” she asked.

“No, we aren’t going out. Are you going to cook in your panties?” he grinned. She glared at him again and he laughed out loud. “I like your outfit, I think it suits you.”

“Oh go to hell,” she said and opened the refrigerator. He laughed again and then he was quite. Jackie looked up to see if he’d choked on his coffee or something like part of her hoped. She loved Josh as a friend, and she’d known him for a long time, but they always had a very sarcastic relationship.

As she looked up she noticed Tyler was standing in the kitchen shirtless. Then she understood why Josh had gotten quite all of a sudden. Because Madison was her best friend, she knew that Tyler was married, and since Josh was Madison’s serious boyfriend and Jackie’s very good friend, he also knew. He mostly kept quiet about it, because he figured she was 27 years old, she knew how to take care of herself, or at the very least, make her own decisions. But she knew he didn’t like the idea of her having a relationship with a married man. Madison didn’t like the idea much either.

“Good morning, Josh,” Tyler said gently and smiled. Jackie watched as Josh smiled back.

“Tyler,” he greeted. Jackie sighed a little bit so nobody would hear and went back to getting things from the refrigerator and listened to the slightly awkward silence before standing up again and looking back at Tyler.

“Are you staying for breakfast, honey?” she asked. Tyler looked at her for a second and blinked. She could tell he wasn’t all the way awake yet and she laughed slightly before stretching up and kissing him quick on his lips. “Wake up sleepy head,” she smiled. He smiled back at her.

“I can stay for breakfast if you want me too,” he said. “I need to shower.”

“You can use my shower, babe. When you’re finished in there breakfast should be ready,” Jackie smiled. He nodded and kissed her again before leaving the kitchen. Jackie put a loaf of bread on the counter and looked at Josh briefly. He looked away and she sighed. “Is something wrong?” she asked.

“No, I just didn’t know he was here, I guess I should have, you are wearing a man’s shirt,” Josh said.

“Well, he is,” Jackie said and cracked a few eggs into a bowl to start scrambling them. Madison came into the kitchen with her long blond hair still wet from the shower. “Hey, wife,” Jackie smiled.

“Hi babe, what’s for breakfast?” Madison asked with curiosity.

“Eggs, bacon, and toast. I’ll probably put some hash browns on too,” Jackie answered. Madison nodded and poured herself a cup of coffee before sitting at the table with Josh. “What all did you do last night while I was out?”

“I mostly just watched TV and ate, you know, the usual. I found your kittens in your bathroom…when did those get here?” Madison asked.

“Tyler brought them last night, as a gift,” Jackie answered, suddenly remembering the three baby kitties he’d brought her.

“That’s interesting,” Madison said and got up from the table to watch Jackie cook the eggs.

“Why are you hovering, freak?!” Jackie squealed and took a step to the side so Madison wasn’t so close to her.

“It smells good.”

“You’re crazy,” Jackie said and started to cook the bacon. Madison took a deep breath through her nose and Jackie rolled her eyes and laughed a little bit. Just as she set breakfast on the table, Tyler came back into the kitchen. There was a slight tension through the room.

“Good morning Madison,” he said and took a seat at the table as Jackie set a plate in front of him.

“Tyler,” she greeted the same way Josh had. Jackie coughed and nudged Madison in a subtle manner as she set her plate on the table in front of her. “How are you?” Madison added and glared at Jackie.

“I’ve been well, and yourself?” Tyler asked.

“I’ve also been well,” Madison said tensely. Jackie glared at her quickly. “We haven’t seen you in a while.”

“I’ve been…busy,” he said.

“Would you like some coffee, baby?” Jackie asked.

“Thank you,” he said with a smile and she poured a cup of coffee for him and for herself before finally taking a seat at the table with Madison, Josh, and Tyler.

“Busy huh, with?”

“Work,” he said gently. He always wanted to get along with Madison. It would be easier to keep this relationship working the way he wanted it to if she wasn’t so suspicious of his intentions. If she was as easy to convince as Jackie was, he’d have a lot more ambition to spend time with Jackie. But Madison always seemed to have this feeling about him, and it made him uncomfortable. “Work is a lot of stress and shit…”

“I’m sure,” Madison said.

“I’m sure Josh can relate,” Tyler said and looked towards Josh.

“I don’t know about that, I’m not really as in the industry as you are,” Josh said. He was in a local band called Buckcherry. His band worked hard and they were working to get a record deal, and Madison seemed to have endless faith that they would soon. Jackie was as supportive of their band as she could be, and she enjoyed watching their shows when she could. Her relationship had a way of interfering with things because she could only see Tyler when he could get away from Christine.

“Well, you will understand soon, I saw one of your shows last week, you are really good,” Tyler said. Josh smiled a little bit.

“Thank you,” he said in an attempt to be friendly. He wasn’t as forward as Madison was about how he felt about Jackie’s relationship. He did care, and he did want what was best for his friend, and he knew that this relationship was not what was best for her, but he didn’t want to interfere in her life. He thought she needed to make her own mistakes without any one telling her about them.

After breakfast Jackie led Tyler back into her bedroom for a minute. She sat on her bed and stretched her legs out in front of herself and sighed. “I wish you didn’t have to leave,” she said.

“I’ll be back soon,” he said and sat next to her. She nodded a little bit and wiped her nose as the tears started to build up in her eyes like they did every time he was leaving her again. She hated this part of the relationship, and she hated that she loved him so much. Part of her knew he really had no intention of ever leaving Christine, but a bigger part of her wanted to believe him so much that it did. “Don’t cry Jackie,” he said.

“I’m not,” she said as her voice cracked. He sighed and put his arm around her shoulders and hugged her tightly against his side before kissing the top of her head.

“It’s okay, Jackie. I’ll be back soon and we’ll be together,” he said gently. She sniffed and nodded her head a little bit again. She took in a deep breath to get the scent of his skin. She missed that smell when he wasn’t with her, which was often. He tilted her head up from under her chin and kissed her. “I love you, you know that. Don’t cry.”

“I can’t help it; I don’t want you to go already. I won’t see you again for at least a week, and then it’s only for a couple of hours. I wish so much that you would just leave her and come and be with me,” she cried as she started to sob. He sighed harshly and ran his hand over her arm to try and calm her down. He hated that she got so hysterical all the time.

“I told you, baby, the time isn’t right,” he said.

“Damn it, I’m so tired of hearing that! I’ve been hearing that for six fucking months! When will the time be right, Tyler? If you don’t love her anymore, then the time is fucking right!” she shouted and her sobbing got worse.

“I just don’t know how to tell her yet is all, I’ll leave her soon. I know I’ve been saying it for a long time, but I promise I will leave her soon,” he said and held her tightly. She shoved him off and she cried into her hands for a minute before she allowed him to pull her against himself again. Then she cried into his chest, with her cheek pressed firmly against the bare skin.

“I love you, so much, why can’t you see that?” she cried.

“Baby, please stop crying, you are breaking my heart,” he said. She looked up at him then with the tears still running down her cheeks and she met his eyes with hers. The look in her eyes truly pained him and he had to look away.

“Not as much as you are breaking mine,” she said. He sighed and pulled out of her grasp. He pulled his cell phone out of his pocket and he dialed a number quickly before putting the Blackberry to his ear. Jackie watched him with curiosity. She could hear it ringing and then she could hear a woman’s voice. “Hey Christine, honey,” he said into the phone. That bullet of pain shot through her chest again.

“Tyler, I called you a couple times last night,” Christine said, but not with anger. “I missed you.”

“I’ve had a busy night, honey. I probably won’t be home for a while longer.”

“How much longer? I haven’t seen you since yesterday afternoon,” Christine asked with a sigh.

“Just a few hours, babe. I’m really busy,” Tyler assured.

“Well, I’ll see you later then honey. Oh, I wanted to ask if we had any cat food, I couldn’t find the bag I had in our closet,” she said. “Have you seen it?”

“No…I haven’t seen it, sorry,” he lied. She sighed on the phone and there was a brief silence.

“Alright, I guess I’ll have to pick some up. I’ll see you later,” Christine said and hung up her phone. Tyler sighed and put his phone back in his pocket. She had started to get a little suspicious of him over the last several weeks.

“Alright, see I’m staying with you for a while longer,” he said. Jackie looked at the ground and stood up and took his shirt off.

“Then I will just be hurt again later,” she said and handed him his shirt.

“Come on, Jackie, let’s just enjoy the time we have together.”

“Tyler, what is the point? I get a couple more hours with you, I get to have sex with you, and then you go back to her. So then I cry twice today, and then I cry again at night when I’m alone.”

“Baby, if I could stay with you all the time, I would, I promise you that. But I can’t,” he said.

“Tyler, don’t lie to me,” she sniffed. He stood up then and took hold of her shoulders before kissing her roughly on the lips.

“I love you, you know that,” he said firmly. She sighed and looked at the floor and he gave her a little jerk. “Look at me,” he said. She looked up and met his eyes and she could feel that melting coursing through her again. “I love you, okay.”

“Okay,” she sniffed. It wasn’t long before they were both naked in her bed again, moving together, breathing together. She couldn’t help but believe that he loved her when they made love in her bed in the apartment.

Madison was sitting on the sofa with Josh watching a movie. She could hear Jackie’s noises, and she tried to tune it out. She looked up at Josh and sighed. “Don’t ever cheat on me,” she said. He laughed a little bit and put his arm around her shoulders.

“Madison, I like my balls,” he said. She laughed out loud then and rested her head against his chest.

“I just…feel bad for her. You know, I’m going to have to take care of her all night now.”

“She’s a big girl, Madison,” Josh said. Madison sighed and sat up straight again.

“I know, but she’s my best friend Josh. And that jerk didn’t tell her he was married until after she’d gotten involved with him. He’s using her so bad, and it pisses me off. I want to rip his balls off and make him eat them,” she said.

“That is a little harsh,” Josh laughed. “That is why you will never catch me with another girl.”

“Damn right!” she said and kissed him on his lips.

“Besides, why would I need another woman, when the one I’ve got is 11 years younger than me, and looks like you? That would be stupid and greedy,” he smirked, earning himself a smack. He laughed out loud.

“That wasn’t funny,” she said with a smile. He laughed again and kissed her. “I love you.”

“Eh…” he said. She glared at him and he laughed again. “I love you too.”

After a few hours, and another awkward meal at the kitchen table, Jackie was standing outside of the apartment with Tyler. She was still wearing his button down black shirt, and he was wearing a t-shirt he’d had in the trunk of his car and his black jeans. Jackie had a pair of distressed blue jeans on and a bra under his shirt so her cleavage was more visible through the unbuttoned part of the shirt. She had the sleeves rolled up.

“Don’t miss me too much,” he said and lit a cigarette. She took in a deep breath to catch the scent of his cigarette smoke.

“I always miss you too much, thank you though…for letting me keep your shirt,” she said.

“Yea, well you seemed to want it pretty bad,” he laughed and exhaled his smoke. She nodded and pushed a little bit of her hair behind her ear. She’d taken the extensions out earlier. “I’ll see you in a few days baby.”

“Alright, thank you for the kittens too,” she said and looked at the ground. She could see her toes poking out from the legs of her jeans. He gave her toes a little kick with his converse and she laughed. “Jerk,” she sniffed.

“Yea well, I try,” he said and picked her chin up so he could look into her blue eyes. “I love you.”

“I love you too, Tyler. Way too much,” she said. He sighed and kissed her lips. “I’ll text you later.”

“Alright, I’ll be waiting,” he said and kissed her again before taking his hand from her face. She hugged him tightly and watched as he walked to his car and got in. She hated watching him drive away like he always did, but she knew there wasn’t any choice. She went back into the apartment.

“What are you going to name the kittens?” Madison asked as she ate a handful of popcorn.

“I don’t know yet,” Jackie said sadly. Madison sighed.

“Well, I think we should name that one Cake,” she said and pointed to the blondish kitten.

“Cake?” Jackie asked with a laugh. “How are you so skinny when all you think about it food?”

“I’m just lucky!” Madison said with a big smile. “And, Josh helps keep me in shape,” she winked.

“Gross!” Jackie said. “Aren’t you afraid he will break?!”

“Oh shut up!” Madison said and threw some popcorn at Jackie. Josh had left after lunch to take care of business. Jackie laughed and took some of Madison’s popcorn and ate it.

“Okay, so that one is Cake, the solid gray one can be Frizzy, and the striped one can be Skittles,” she said. Madison nodded in agreement and Jackie smiled.

“I see he left his shirt,” Madison said. Jackie sighed.

“I begged for it like a loser,” Jackie said and sat on the sofa with Madison. “He had a t-shirt in his car, so he agreed to leave this one for me.”

“So I take it he hasn’t left Christine yet?”

“He will,” Jackie snapped. Madison looked away and put her hands up in defeat. “I’m sorry…I shouldn’t have snapped like that.”

“It’s alright, it happens to all of us,” Madison said and took a sip of her soda. “Let’s just relax tonight, and not worry about guys. Josh won’t be back until tomorrow.”

“It sounds like a plan,” Jackie said and picked up Cake. She petted his tiny ears for a second before letting him run to play with his sisters. She loved cats. She spent the rest of the evening with Madison, watching movies on their DVD player and eating a bunch of crap. Sometime after midnight she and Madison both went to their rooms.

Jackie lay in her bed for a long time tossing and turning, still wearing Tyler’s shirt. She missed him already, and she felt awkward without him next to her. Finally after almost two hours she got out of bed and went to Madison’s room and crawled into her friend’s bed.

“What in the world?” Madison asked sleepily.

“I can’t sleep,” Jackie sniffed and lay close to Madison. Madison sighed. She knew this was going to happen, it always did. She pulled her blankets up and over Jackie and rubbed Jackie’s arm with the palm of her hand.

“Just relax,” she said. Jackie closed her eyes and let out a deep breath. “See, now try and sleep.”

“I miss him,” Jackie cried. Madison frowned in the darkness and looked at her friend.

“I know you do honey, but you have to relax. He’ll be back at some point,” she said. She figured now wasn’t the time to start on how she felt about the whole thing. Instead she continued to try and calm her best friend until they both fell asleep.