You Left Me to Remain With All Your Excuses for Everything

Jackie spent the next two weeks wondering what to do about her baby. She didn’t have a job, and she was sure she wouldn’t be able to find one in time to start supporting a child. She knew that she could get child support from him and be comfortable enough for the rest of her baby’s childhood, but she didn’t want to force herself on him, nor did she have any desire to get involved in legal battles.

But what really made up her mind for her, was knowing that the baby would be a constant reminder of her relationship with Tyler. It was not a relationship she was proud of, and it was not something she wanted to think about all the time. There were too many regrets to count that came from what she’d done with him for so long. The child inside of her was not created with the love she had thought it had been, or the love she had hoped it would bring out. Knowing that it would only remind her of how much he hurt her and the way he used her, she chose to terminate the pregnancy.

Now she was sitting in the back seat of Madison’s car outside of the abortion clinic with Madison and Josh sitting in the front seat. She looked out the window at the clinic where she had a scheduled appointment to have an abortion. Madison hadn’t had a lot to say on the pregnancy. She’d done everything she could think of to make Jackie feel better, because no matter how she felt about Tyler, she knew that Jackie loved him. After Tyler had left that day, Jackie had spent most every night in Madison’s room, crying herself to sleep.

Even the kittens he’d given her made her sad; she just couldn’t bring herself to get rid of them. But every time she looked at them she thought of the day he’d brought them to her. The way he’d lied to her and made her believe that he loved her and that he would leave Christine soon. That soon he would be all hers.

Madison took a deep breath now and looked into the back seat at her friend. Josh had been really quiet on the subject. It was almost as if he was there for the support that she would only ask for if she needed it. “Are you sure about this, babe?” Madison asked with some sadness.

“There isn’t any other way,” Jackie sniffed and wiped her eyes with her fingertips. “I can’t bring a baby into my situation.”

“You know we’d help you Jackie,” Madison assured.

“And we will get you through everything,” Josh added. Jackie took a shaky breath and looked at them and nodded a little bit before sniffing harshly.

“I know, and I appreciate it so much. But I just can’t do this. My baby won’t ever have its father; it won’t ever have the love he deserves,” she sniffed and pushed some of her hair out of her face.

“You could find someone worthy of being its father,” Madison said. Jackie smiled a little bit.

“I know I could, but this baby…this thing…it is just a reminder of the mistakes I made. I thought it would be the reason he needed to leave Christine, and to stop stringing her along so much. I was wrong. I thought it would be the key to having a family with the man I loved more than…” she started, and choked on a sob “… that I love more than anything. But instead it just brought out the truth and it just brought out pain. I just can’t do this,” she sobbed.

“I know it’s hard, Jackie,” Madison said.

“You don’t!” Jackie snapped then. “You have no idea! He used me, and manipulated me like a motherfucking puppet on his strings! This baby is just another one of his lies!” she cried. Then there was awkward silence, with the exception of Jackie’s sobbing.

“Do you want me to go in with you?” Madison finally asked ever several seconds in the tense silence. Jackie sniffed and nodded, and they both got out of the car and went into the clinic.

After several tests, and a simple non surgical termination of pregnancy, Jackie found herself at home in her bed. She took one of the pain pills that the doctor had given her and she rolled her body into a ball and she cried for hours. All she could think about was Tyler, and how much she loved him still, even after everything he’d said to her in the end. She eventually cried herself to sleep.

Madison spent some time sulking in anger on the sofa. Josh finally sat next to her and started to rub her back with the palm of his hand. “She’s going to be alright Madison,” he said gently.

“She’s been my best friend since high school, Josh. I’ve always known everything that was going on with her, I always knew exactly how to make her feel better. But now I have nothing at all, and I can’t express to you how much I hate him for doing what he did to her.”

“I know it sucks, honey. But she will get over it,” he said.

“I just…ugh!” she snapped and threw her hands up in frustration. “I just want so much to know how to make her feel okay again.”

“Sometimes we can’t help our friends, Madison baby. Sometimes we just have to let them know we are there for them if they need us, and let them work through the shit on their own. It’s what makes them who they are.”

“I guess you are right,” she sighed. She stood up then and went into the kitchen to make dinner. She left a plate in the oven for Jackie and ate with Josh before spending a little bit of time on the sofa with him, and finally going to bed. Leaving a note on the fridge for Jackie in case she woke up in the middle of the night and was hungry.

Tyler had been living out of a hotel room for the last two weeks. He couldn’t bring himself to ask a friend to let him stay with them. He knew he didn’t come off as the good guy in this situation. He wanted to talk with Jackie, but he couldn’t get what he’d said to her out of his mind. He knew she’d never forgive him, and he didn’t know how to make her listen to him.

Christine had filed for divorce the next day after throwing him out of the house. She’d had a friend serve him the divorce papers, and as much as he didn’t want to believe that his marriage was over, and as much as it hurt him, he hadn’t been at all surprised, nor did he hesitate in signing the papers and returning them to his lawyers. He knew she would never forgive him either, and he knew that he didn’t deserve it anyways.

Tonight, he’d given into self pity and found himself alone in his hotel room with two empty bottles of vodka. His head was spinning from having drunk so much, and his judgment was clouded. As he picked up his phone he didn’t care if she could forgive him or not. He had to talk to her.

“What do you want?” Christine snapped as she answered her phone.

“Can we jush…talk…plese,” he slurred.

“What is there to talk about? The divorce is already underway, we are finished. There is nothing left.”

“I know….jou’ll never…for…forget…what I did….but I jush needs to talk with jou, ples,” he slurred harshly.

“You’re drunk,” she said with disgust. “You don’t even have the dignity to call me and grovel sober.” He took a deep breath and she rolled her eyes. “You can cry on your own time, Tyler. You’re drunken tears mean nothing.”

“I’m…sorry…for everything, Chrishy,” he said.

“Goodbye, Tyler,” she sighed.

“Ples, don hang up…pleashe,” he begged.

“Tyler, why should I care about what you have to say?”

“You…shouldn’t,” he slurred, dragging out his words. “but pleashe…” he sniffed. She groaned.

“Why don’t you get some sleep? Or call your girlfriend? Maybe she cares,” Christine said with annoyance. Tyler laughed then, drunkenly.

“What girlfriend? She…hatesss me more than…jou do,” he said.

“That’s nice,” Christine said and rolled her eyes again. This conversation was going nowhere.

“She…got…pregnant, jou know?” he started. Christine gasped harshly then as it felt like all the wind had been knocked from her lungs again. “Whe...n she told me…I told her…she was nothing but a pieshe of ass and meant nothing…”

“You got her pregnant, and then treated her that way?!” Christine shouted. “The only person that is nothing, is you!” she screamed and hung up her phone immediately throwing it across the room. She fell back onto her bed then and tears fell down in waterfalls. She was so sick of crying.