Ever fallen in love?

She can read me like a book. I remember once in I.C.T I’d had a fight with Evangeline and she could read me. “What’s wrong?” She asks. “Nothing.” I reply, a frown on my face. I always curl up tight when I’m sad.

She doesn’t realize the damage she does when she talks to me. Her laugh makes me laugh, her smile makes me smile. She’s the complete opposite of me, she’s short I’m tall, I read, she doesn’t even look at books. Every activity at school I want to do with her, but every time she picks Sian and I feel the disappointment again and again. I made sure at the end of Year eight that I was in the same activities.

Unfortunately, I didn’t do well. I was only in three of six of the activities she did. And then tennis with her, she sat by me, but didn’t talk to me.

I remember the first time I met her mum. It was at the year seven parents evening. I was shy, but i still spoke to her, it was when we were ‘best friends’. Nicky has two best friends; Carla and Sian. I am very jealous of them.

At the end of year eight, when we still had lessons, I remember when Evangeline was off, and the other two people on our table were doing a job. I had the whole table alone with Nicky, it was like I’d died and gone to heaven. Miss left a small cup of sweets and let us watch the film and colour in. We’d actually spoken for more than 5 minutes without insulting each other. Surprising.

And then the end of school came and we were sitting by their benches. Sian wasn’t in and Nicky was hanging with her friends. And all my friends got a hug of her except me.

And I remember the day I told her I was bi.

And the time I told her I loved her.

It was on Facebook, because I knew I didn’t have the courage to even talk to her about it. I was on chat with her when I talked to her about when my friend Clary brought up a conversation with Nicky about someone liking her, and I said I knew who it was
I said; it’s me, yes, I’m bi and all that, I do like you, but you don’t have to do anything about it.
And she said; “Sorry.. I’m not into that type of thing, sorry.” Yup. That’s it. Broke my heart.
I tried to get over it, pretended it didn’t matter to me, but my heart still ached like someone was squeezing it and I was shaking.
I tried to ignore her, it doesn’t work.
All I can hope for is for her to either love me back or I fall in love with someone who loves me back.