Imperfect Boy.
sing about tragedy.
Jack wakes in the middle of the night (3.28am to be precise) to Alex’s heaving breaths and the elder boy thrashing around in the bed beside him. Alex’s chest is rising and falling far too fast, and he’s squirming around in a cold sweat. Jack looks at him with a sigh and pulls his boyfriend over, wrapping his arms tight around the elder’s waist. Alex wriggles a little, but in the end, latches his fingers tight in the folds of Jack’s shirt. Jack sighs again and rests his head atop Alex’s head. He knows what’s wrong with Alex.
Every now and again, Alex has horrible nightmares. Well, a horrible nightmare, if we’re getting technical. It’s always the same, Alex says, but Jack swears it’s getting worse as well as getting more frequent.
Alex buries his face into Jack’s chest and the younger can almost tell what stage of the nightmare Alex is in. He’s crying.
Jack remembers the first time Alex had the nightmare. Very, very clearly, actually. It had been around six in the morning, and Jack had been stumbling around the kitchen making coffee when Alex had come thundering down the stairs sobbing. And so Jack had stood, holding Alex, while the elder cried and cried and told him all about this horrible nightmare.
“I’m dead, in Daniel’s place. Daniel’s alive again, but I’m dead. I can hear them all... I can hear them all talking, and laughing, and saying how they’re glad I’m gone and that Daniel’s still alive... And then I open my eyes and my mouth’s full of dirt and I can’t breathe, and there’s no air, and I’m choking on this dirt, and it’s burning my eyes, and everyone’s laughing, and I’m trying so hard to cry, and get all this dirt away, but I can’t... I’m not strong enough... And then I hear you laughing, and Rian, and Zack, saying how you never cared, and then I swallow and I’m choking more and it’s not working, and I suffocate, then I wake up and open my eyes again, and I’m still in the dirt and it starts all over again.”
Jack remembers how Alex had been tugging at his hair and wiping his eyes the whole time, and he’d had to hug him tight and refuse to let go, just to convince the elder that it was all just a dream.
The same thing had happened a few weeks later, and then a few weeks after that. Jack had considered asking Alex to go and see someone professional about it, but he decided he valued his life too much to try.
It still keeps coming back, though, and Jack sighs to himself again and twists his fingers tightly in the loose fabric that covers Alex’s torso. He presses a gentle kiss to the top of the elder’s head and sighs lightly, nuzzling against Alex’s hair and trying to sleep again.
Jack wakes a few hours later to Alex sobbing into his chest. He sighs to himself and slides down the bed a little until he’s face to face with the elder. Alex is staring down between the sheets, and is pulling at his ever-so-slightly curling bangs.
“Dream again?” Jack asks, even though he knows the answer.
Alex nods a little, and glances upwards with teary brown eyes at Jack, who gives him a soft smile and presses a kiss to his forehead. Alex attempts to return it, but gives up and buries his face in Jack’s neck. Jack twists his fingers in Alex’s hair and presses a gentle kiss to Alex’s lips.
“I love you, you know.” Jack comments, and it may seem just an offhand observation to anyone else, but Alex knows.
It’s the only thing that will keep the nightmare away for a few days; the reassurance that Jack loves him too.
Every now and again, Alex has horrible nightmares. Well, a horrible nightmare, if we’re getting technical. It’s always the same, Alex says, but Jack swears it’s getting worse as well as getting more frequent.
Alex buries his face into Jack’s chest and the younger can almost tell what stage of the nightmare Alex is in. He’s crying.
Jack remembers the first time Alex had the nightmare. Very, very clearly, actually. It had been around six in the morning, and Jack had been stumbling around the kitchen making coffee when Alex had come thundering down the stairs sobbing. And so Jack had stood, holding Alex, while the elder cried and cried and told him all about this horrible nightmare.
“I’m dead, in Daniel’s place. Daniel’s alive again, but I’m dead. I can hear them all... I can hear them all talking, and laughing, and saying how they’re glad I’m gone and that Daniel’s still alive... And then I open my eyes and my mouth’s full of dirt and I can’t breathe, and there’s no air, and I’m choking on this dirt, and it’s burning my eyes, and everyone’s laughing, and I’m trying so hard to cry, and get all this dirt away, but I can’t... I’m not strong enough... And then I hear you laughing, and Rian, and Zack, saying how you never cared, and then I swallow and I’m choking more and it’s not working, and I suffocate, then I wake up and open my eyes again, and I’m still in the dirt and it starts all over again.”
Jack remembers how Alex had been tugging at his hair and wiping his eyes the whole time, and he’d had to hug him tight and refuse to let go, just to convince the elder that it was all just a dream.
The same thing had happened a few weeks later, and then a few weeks after that. Jack had considered asking Alex to go and see someone professional about it, but he decided he valued his life too much to try.
It still keeps coming back, though, and Jack sighs to himself again and twists his fingers tightly in the loose fabric that covers Alex’s torso. He presses a gentle kiss to the top of the elder’s head and sighs lightly, nuzzling against Alex’s hair and trying to sleep again.
Jack wakes a few hours later to Alex sobbing into his chest. He sighs to himself and slides down the bed a little until he’s face to face with the elder. Alex is staring down between the sheets, and is pulling at his ever-so-slightly curling bangs.
“Dream again?” Jack asks, even though he knows the answer.
Alex nods a little, and glances upwards with teary brown eyes at Jack, who gives him a soft smile and presses a kiss to his forehead. Alex attempts to return it, but gives up and buries his face in Jack’s neck. Jack twists his fingers in Alex’s hair and presses a gentle kiss to Alex’s lips.
“I love you, you know.” Jack comments, and it may seem just an offhand observation to anyone else, but Alex knows.
It’s the only thing that will keep the nightmare away for a few days; the reassurance that Jack loves him too.