Reasons To Live

You know that kid you see in school? You know the one, that weird guy who no one seems to really know. That kid who sits with a group of people exactly like him and no one else in the school really seems to get them. You know the kid I’m talking about. Every school’s got that one outcast that is too perfect of an outcast to really be anything else. Some people make fun of that kid, some people like that kid. Some people just don’t get them so they are threatened by them. Eric Lewis was that kid. Eric was everything but normal. He was too interesting to be normal. He was the kid that was the butt of people’s cruel jokes, the obscene gestures. Some of the girls liked him because he was mysterious and dark. I found it sexy about him.

Eric didn’t give two fucks about what others thought about him. He was great that way. He would often tell me that everyone has a right to their opinion and everyone has an opinion about everything. “Opinion’s are like assholes Rachel, Everyone’s got one.” He knew how people worked, he knew people so well. He knew what made a person tick. What made them happy and what pissed the off.

See, Eric was good with people. He knew how to make friends even being the weird kid. People loved him, hated him or just ignored him. Eric knew tons of people, got along with most. He only called a few people his friends though. A friend was someone who would be there for you, they are someone you trust and know. You can know everyone in the world but that person who knows you best is your friend. Being around Eric made me feel invincible. I guess being around me made him feel whole. We were disgustingly perfect for each other.

Eric did the weirdest things to. He once stood in the middle of the street, eyes covered when his sister was learning to drive. He stood there right as she turned the corner and watched her slam on the breaks. It was the damndest thing. She was so mad at him after that. He got a good laugh out of it though. I guess that’s why he’s so weird, the weird things he does.

Eric was my first, yes I mean I lost my virginity to him. I wasn’t his first but I was okay with that. He was 2 years older than I was, I wasn’t surprised. I think it would be a bit awkward for an 18 year old boy to still be a virgin, at least in this day and age.

I don’t know what it was about this guy that made me feel perfect. He just was perfect. I don’t think he’s the most important thing in my life, in fact I know he’s not the most important thing to me, he’s just the guy that’s been there every step of the way.

Eric was the best kisser there was. He would always make every kiss perfect. He would always lift my chin with one of this lanky fingers and press every so lightly. I think I’ll miss his kisses the most.

Eric visits me every day. I look more and more disgusting every day. He doesn’t seem to mind though. I wish he would, a part of me hates him seeing me at my weakest. I don’t want him to see the pain I go through. I just want him to move on. I’m afraid he won’t though.

All I want him to do is love, because he’s so good at it. He’s the perfect man. I know that if it’s not me he’s making some other girl as happy as I once was. I hope he knows how perfect I find him. (I think he should, I called him perfect over a dozen times.)