Lullaby And Goodnight

I Lent against the side of the changing room door, a soft. half smile on my face as he circled in front of the mirror and staring at the torn jeans hanging loosely from his small frame. He hummed at himself in his effort to try and decide weather he wanted the jeans or not. I rolled my eyes and laughed at him, picking absently at my nails.

"Gerard? Do I want them?" I smiled wholly at him and nodded.

"Yep. They look good Frankie boy." He grinned at me through the mirror and I thought I saw his eyes tear up, but I guessed I was imagining it. I stepped out to let him change again but he pulled me inside and closed the door. It made me wonder why since he was normally claustrophobic in this size space.

"Don't leave me." I could never resist those puppy eyes of his and stayed while he got changed. I tried my hardest not to watch but he was changing at a teasingly slow pace which was ten times slower than he normally got changed. I looked away at the last second before he was ready to buy his jeans.

To be awkward, he closed the door again before either of us got out. My heart beat faster as he pressed himself against me, his lips inches from mine. I felt his hot breath on my neck. His knee pressed between my legs so he could get closer. His lips brushed momentarily against mine before his tongue dragged across my bottom lip slowly. I sighed and rested my hands on his waist. He closed the gap and kissed me gently, but fully. Even though I doubt it was meant to have the effect it did, my jeans tightened before he pulled away and opened the door innocently. I stood shocked for a few seconds before running after him and grabbing the jeans from his hand and racing to the counter before he could object to me buying them. In reality, I wanted to keep him sweet and maybe I could avenge myself later.

The objecting and pissed off look he gave me when I held the door open for him on the way out, bag in hand, should have killed me. He grinned to himself once he'd walked past me looking triumphant, obviously he'd planned it.

Ray shook his head at me, his afro bouncing dramatically around him. His large, rough hands tussled my long black hair, shaking it out of place. I grinned with reluctant objection but didn't put up a fight. Ray always objected to me giving into Frank's petty ability to make me do anything he wanted. I stopped walking abruptly once Matt, Ray and Mikey pulled me back, giving Frank the van keys and telling him to warm it. I felt oddly small, all these guys, including my younger brother, were taller than me and I was still pretty small.

"Your doing it again Gerard. Your giving into him way too easy. It's like a blast from the past. Please don't tell us anythings happening, we all know how that turned out last time. It would destroy the whole band! We've fought too much and too hard for you to screw this up now with your silly little love affairs!" Matt's words cut me coldly, leaving me stunned and shocked at his words. I looked between the three of them, trying to find a loop hole and a way out of it.

"Gerard, you know were happy for you no matter what, but if things did happen, and repeated like last time, the band really would go to hell. Things would be awkward...though, I'm sure if you were screwing him in the bunks, we'd be pretty awkward so I guess I'm with Matt on this one." I sighed, still not able to get a word in against my large and semi-intimidating friends. I looked to my brother for support, which he was always happy to give.

"Look. If Gerard and Frank want to start again in a relationship, who are we to stop them? It's their choice after all. They've...well...Gerard's grown up a bit since then and knows better not to repeat the past." I smiled in thanks, suddenly feeling small and insignificant again.

"Me and Frank aren't in a relationship. Were just friends. So I've kissed him a couple of times recently, it's no biggie. Seriously, I wouldn't let things get in the way of us again. I promise." I smiled genuinely and it seemed enough to please them.

"Well whatever, but we'll leave you alone to tell Frank what happened, we're off to Star bucks. He's got the keys!" They yelled and made their way towards the luxurious smelling coffee shop.

The vans back doors were open when I got to the van, and hopped in, lazily dropping to the carpeted floor and laying on my back, Frank watching me with an amused expression.

"Tired Gerard?" He grinned down at me, laughing in response to my tired nod. He clicked his tongue, mainly to annoy me I think, and sat with his back to the van wall, playing with my hair absently.

"What did they say? You looked pretty worried when I came to the van." I glanced up at him through my eye lashes. Considering.

"Well, they were asking...about us. You know, they think that were in a relationship and it could ruin the band and things like that. They think there's gonna be a blast from the past or something along those lines." I tried to sound casual, but I could hear the slightly worried note in my voice.

"Did you say anything in your defense?" The innocence in his voice was impossible to keep your heart beat steady.

"Yeah, I said we weren't together. I said we'd kissed a couple of times recently but that was it." He nodded slowly, staring out of the van doors before closing them so we were thrust into shadows. I sat up, my legs slightly apart, and accepted Frank's gesture as he came to sit between my legs, leaning back against my chest. It never ceased to amaze me at how perfectly we actually fit together. His fingers toyed with a bit of loose thread on a rip in my jeans, twisting it round his fingers. I sighed at the delicious smell of his hair. Will power had never been a strong point for me and I couldn't resist pressing my lips against his temple. His reaction worried me, as he inhaled sharply. His body tensed and that made me worry more.

"Are we?" This took me by surprise. And confused me.

"Are we what?"

"In a relationship? I already know the answer but I hate this!" His hurt voice was still powerful, though it shook slightly on the last three words.

"You think I like this? I love you, you know I do, and probably always will, but there's someone else who shares that with you! It's hard to chose Frank! I don't know what you want from me Frank! I try to figure out who I love more, but it's hard!"

"It's not that hard!" He pushed away from me and crouched beside the van door a couple of feet away from me.

"Try harder Gerard!" His voice lowered to a whisper. "And stop leading me on." He kicked the van door open and jumped out, slamming the van door behind him unsuccessfully, and it bounced on it's hinges until it was pulled closed by me. I laid down, growling and cursing at myself. I kicked the van wall hard, the pain shooting right up my leg to my hip, but I ignored it. Wishing my own death upon me. Yet again, I'd hurt Frank unintentionally. I let a few frustrated tears slip, but dried them quickly, spilling only what I needed to.

--------------------------------

I don't know how long I laid there, thinking up the best apologies I could, but before long, the van's cabin door was opened and Frank and Ray hopped into the cab, Mikey and Matt joining me in the back. Matt, Mikey and Ray chatted animatedly the journey back. Nobody seemed to notice the thick tension swirling over me and Frank, who, like me, sat in silence up front.