Lullaby And Goodnight

I opened the painted wooden door as silently as possible. I felt like the vunerable fifteen year old boy again looking for refuge. I grinned when her young, innocent voice went silent as the door clicked closed, sounding louder than it probably was. I crouched down on one knee when I heard little footsteps rushing down the stairs. I grinned proudly as she stood in the doorway, her face lit up and her soft blue eyes sparkling bright.

"Gerard!" she cried and rushed towards me, into my open arms. They closed tightly around her and I spun her round, kissing her face all over playfully, as she laughed her protests. I put her down and brushed her hair from her beautiful face with my finger tips. I kissed her soft forehead and held her at arms length.

"Oh Ellie May I'm so glad to see you! Are you okay baby doll?" I looked at the little girl. The one who smiled her first smile in Rachael's arms. The little girl who I'd always been a big brother to. She nodded with a grin on her face. She looked so pretty with her shoulder length reddish hair, a sweeping fringe, and perfect white teeth on her newly eight year old face. I sighed and hugged her again. She'd been my lifeline after Rachael, besides Frank.

"Gerard Authur Way! Why does the girl get a hug before your own mother?" My mom laughed from the doorway. I stood and hugged Donna, kissing her cheek and handing her a five dollar note I owed her. I followed her into the staff room, Ellie following behind, the only child allowed. I put my hand into my jacket and told little Ellie to close her eyes. She closed her eyes with a beautiful grin on her face. My mother pulled her onto her lap as I pulled the little black velvet box. My mother looked at me suspiciously.

"Okay beautiful, open your eyes." Ellie moved her hands and looked at the black box with mysterious wonder on her face. She slipped off my mom's lap and moved closer to me. I opened the box when she was close enough and the look of pure joy could have made the worlds most suicidal man smile along with her.

The small, heart shaped pure silver locket was shining in the sunlight coming through the window. I grinned along with the little girl and took the locket from the box.

"Happy Birthday Ellie baby." I turned her round and fastened the locket around her snow white neck, seemingly too pale for her ever darkening light red hair. (Seeing as she was a dark blonde baby)

"It's so beautiful Gerard. How much did it cost you?" My mom asked from the chair opposite, twisting her tangled blonde hair between her fingers. I sent Ellie out of the office to play and closed the door behind her. My mom looked expectantly at me and waited for an answer.

"Enough to get me evicted from my apartment. I couldn't pay the rent. I don't mind, we had termites." I smiled genuinely. My adoptive mother gasped sharply, her hand coming to her mouth in shock.

"You were evicted to pay a little girl's birthday present!?" I nodded, quite proud of myself. I loved showering this little girl with affection and I loved going over bored with her birthdays and christmas. Though, she was never spoilt. She just reminded me of Rachael so I had an excuse to love her.

"Gerard where are you staying?"

"Frank's. It was his idea so don't think I asked him. Once I told him I'd bought her something, he asked how much and when I didn't answer he told me he'd set up the spare room."

"He's such a sweet boy. Though, we both know you'll end up in his bed sooner or later." I blushed a deep red and lowered my head. I didn't have the heart to tell her I lied, he said he'd make room for me with a wink. I'd shivered involentarily at that. I heard the other kids in the home complement Ellie's new locket and I could almost feel her glowing with pride. Everyone called her a daddy's girl, though I was more of a big brother than a father, I still wondered what it would be like to have Ellie May as my daughter.

I heard the door open again and my mom stood to greet our new guest. It was actually a couple of guests. A young man and a woman, maybe a little older than me, looking nervously around at the kids in the center. My mom led them into the office where we were sat and asked them a few questions.

"So, what can we help you with?" Her welcoming smile seemed to relax them a little as I made everyone a hot drink.

"Well...I'm Marty Fickleman and this is my fiance Rachael. We've recently discovered that we can't have children naturally, so, we were looking to adopt. But were obviously not use to this whole system and wondered maybe if you could help us along a little?" I glanced at his wife Rachael out of the corner of my eye. I saw my mom do the same thing to me. I noticed she had the came colour hair as Rachael and my chest ached painfully, though I didn't let on.

My mom started briefing them on the adoption details and handed them both a folder full to the brim of papers to sign, legal stuff and childcare issue papers etc. We drank the coffees absently and I listened quitely to their conversation. I was quite until I heard a soft cry from outside the office. My mom stood up, but I sat her down, knowing it was Ellie before seeing her. The poor little mite was sitting on the step, hugging herself tightly. Her beautiful blue eyes teared over her little face. I knelt infront of her and brushed her red hair from her face.

"Sugar what's wrong? Have the other kids hurt you?" She shook her pretty little head and began playing with my blood red tie hanging around my neck. I smiled at her softly.

"Come on angel don't you cry. Tell me what's up." I picked her up and set her on my hip.

"Those people Gee bear. I know people like that get little kids. Like me, or Jay Jay. I don't wanna go Gee Gee! I wanna stay with you!" Jay Jay was the little boy her age that had been at the center for a couple of years now, but couldn't get adopted because he could be violent, though he never hurt Ellie, me or my mom. I sat down on the stairs with her on my lap, cuddling her little frame and stroking her soft red hair.

"Ellie, your a beautiful little girl and people out there will want to adopt you. Wouldn't you like that? To go to a permenant family. You could have parents all to yourself. Maybe even a doggy or a kitty. Your own room, not having to share everything like you do now."

"But Gee Gee!" She wined quitely in my ear. "I don't wanna go to my own family. I want to stay with you and momma Donna!" She started crying again and clung to me. I didn't wanna lose her. She was like my little sister. I put her down, kissed her forehead and told her I'd be right back, the same I had with Rachael so many times. I crept back into the office, where my mom was showing the young couple pictures of a few kids suited to their age and family home. One of those four pictures included Ellie.

I picked up the papers describing their family home. A small village house with a large backyard. Two bedroomed house, loung, kitchen, bathroom. A typical place in my eyes. They also had a little dog. But Ellie likes big dogs. I couldn't help but think to myself. They narrowed the choices down to two options. Ellie and Cameron, a shy six year old boy who had no friends here, except Jay Jay and Ellie.

Everytime they mentioned Ellie my mom would glance at me, I hardly noticed though as I was glaring at the couple with remorse in my eyes. Though, to my utter relief, they settled on Cameron. Another friend lost to my daughter through adoption.

Then it struck me what I'd just thought.

My Daughter.

I couldn't bare the thought of losing her, so I had only one option.

When the couple had gone I pulled my mom into the staff recreational room and sat her down on the soft chair.

"Mom. I wanna adopt her. I wanna adopt Ellie. When they almost took her. I couldn't hold it! I want to keep her mom." My mother looked shocked, but not at all surprised.

"Gerard. I knew this would come. But your only twenty four Gerard. She's already eight years old. Your too young for her."

"Mom, you know I can look after her. All those baby-sitting jobs. I used to think of her as my sister, but she's my little girl mom. Not theirs, not anyones. She's mine! Mom please. The reason she was crying, she doesn't want to be adopted by strangers. Please mom...please?"