Lullaby And Goodnight

I kicked out at a box in frustration and let myself fall back on the ground. Of course, even that didn't go well and I banged the small of my back on the plug socket and the pain shot through me. I growled and let the pain over rule me until I was laid on my back with tears streaming down my cheeks. The cold tiles only added to the pain. I reached into my boxes and grabbed the curved glass bottle on top. I smiled through my pain and tears at the vodka in my hand and twisted off the cap. The liquid burned my throat but it felt so good. After almost finishing the bottle, the pain had nearly gone and I'd forgotten the problems that made me cry. I stared around the guest room of Frank's apartment, the walls blurred from my view due to the alcohol. I turned, and brushed myself against the golden metal ball on my bed post. Due to been drunk, I got hard and began grinding against it, moaning at the feeling. It felt quite good. When the tent in my jeans became too painful to bare, I stumbled out in search of Frank's video collection. From been here before I knew where the X-rated was kept and found my favorite.

The moaning from both sexes filled the air as I fell back on the minimum cushioned couch with my jeans and boxers around my ankles. I Lent back and wrapped my cold hand around myself, stroking in time with the people fucking on T.V. I moaned when they did and gradually got faster once the slow pace was getting too much and the throbbing too unbearable. I pumped myself wildly, moaning like a rent boy. The cold cushions under my ass added to the pleasure. I lowered my other hand and rubbed my balls in time the chick on the video licked the guys. Sweat started to bead on my forehead and I knew Frank could have come home at anytime. The front door was right in front of me so if he opened the door, I would have been the first thing he saw with no way to hide what I was doing. That added to the pleasure knowing it was dangerous. I bent one of my fingers around myself and found ghosting my finger over a sensitive line tickled in a very pleasuring way. My moans got more insistent as I got closer. The tingly, hot feeling rising from my lower region. A moan that was more like a spoken sigh broke from my throat as my hot load shot from my tip and over my hand and Frank's floor. I sighed and got my breathing back to normal before going to his kitchen for roll and wiping my mess up.

I was just putting Frank's video back when I heard the front door go. I smiled drunkenly and stumbled my way to greet him. The short hall between the lounge and the front door gave me enough time to look innocent, but my speech and balance gave me away. Frank stopped and rolled his eyes as soon as he saw me. He dropped his brown leather messenger bag and left it by the door. His chin length straightened black fringe fell in front of his disappointed face. The short blond side made him look tougher in my drunken state. His ear, lip and nose piercing sparkled in the setting sun. His lips curved downwards slightly as he looked up at me with sad brown eyes.

"Gerard, I thought we'd got past the drinking. I thought you were pulling yourself together." His voice was soft but firm and I began to feel bad.

"Oh Frankie Frankie Frankie. Drinking is go-o-o-od. It stops all the pain and makes you happy. Stop worrying short stuff." The fist that collided with the side of my eye knocked me into semi-soberness. It took me by surprise though the pain was numbed by the remaining alcohol in my system. The floor hit me harder and I hazily wondered how many bruises I had collected throughout the day. Frank dropped to his knees beside me.

"Gerard I'm so sorry! I don't know what came over me I didn't mean to hit you like that." I shrugged while still laid down and accepted his hand to help me up. He didn't let go and led me to the kitchen and sat me down in the stripy plastic dining chair. I sat there in a trance-like state, still not sure what happened exactly. He gave me a glass of water and a few slices of bread to try and sober me up a little. It worked and I was almost back to normal when I'd finished. He sat opposite me in silence the whole time, watching me eat and drink blankly. Once I was finished, the pain all over me set in. The exhaustion and the throbbing of my new bruises became more noticeable. My whole body ached and everything hurt. Frank noticed there was something wrong and took me to lay on the couch. He knelt down beside me and stroked my hair. I stared ahead of him in a kind of trance.

"Wanna talk about it?" I looked at him blankly. Of course I wanted to tell him. I wanted to tell him everything.

"Maybe. Can you listen to me without interrupting?" He nodded and sat beside me on the couch. His soft hand never stopped stroking my long black hair and making me feel guilty and tired.

"Well. For starters I wanna tell you why I'm actually here. You know I got kicked out cause I couldn't pay my rent? Well you know now. The land lord kicked me out cause I couldn't afford the three months rent I owed him and wouldn't be able to afford to even pay one until next week so he kicked me out. The reason I couldn't pay is because I spent my saved wages on Ellie May's birthday gift.-"

"You three months worth of rent money on a little girls gift? I don't think so Gerard. What'd you get her a car?"

"You said you wouldn't interrupt."

"Tell me what you really spent the money on."

"Well you know like your a member of the band now. Part was for your place. We needed to pay things for you. The rest was on her gift...and the remaining...Was for drugs...Don't interrupt! I know I've messed up. I tracked Bert down again. Were going on tour with them soon I needed to get in touch. He was selling some pills and bottles and they sounded tempting, so I topped up on a few. I know it was wrong! I've lost my home to buy those! If it wasn't for you I'd be sleeping rough and selling my body for more drugs. Frank I promise I'll try to get money to get another place, pay you back for taking me in. Give you rent and board money and money for the food I eat. Once I'm back on my feet and taking care of myself properly I can give mom the go ahead and I can finally take Ellie and be her father properly and I can have the child I've wanted for so many years." At that point I broke down and sobbed into the cushion. Frank's shocked expression told me I had not yet told him about my plans with Ellie May.

"Be her father properly? Gerard, your not related to her. She's an orphan."

"I know! I tried to convince mom to let me adopt her but she said since I'm single, no steady income no place to live and our small age difference means I can't adopt her, but if I get my own place, a paying job and a decent life-style mom said I can be her foster dad. Frank I could have a little girl. A daughter." Clearly he wasn't sure about the idea, but he knew what Ellie meant to me and didn't press that matter further.

"Gerard, I know things are hard, but I'm here, always, you know that. I'll help you out as much as you need me." I nodded in thanks and pecked his cheek.

Dinner was awkward that night. The spaghetti and sauce seemed tasteless and hard to swallow, but I got through it. That night I lay in my cot. I wouldn't have called Frank's guest cot a bed. It was a low, fold-up metal frame with a thin patchy mattress and the thin sheet complimented the flat feather pillow. I stared at the stained ceiling and thought about how much I owed Frank. He didn't have much. A low paying job, a crappy apartment, cold sheets but to him it was home and he was willing to share what little he had with me. I should have been a little more grateful and be a little more respectful than getting drunk and jacking - off in his home. I groaned in my guilt and tried to sleep. Though it wasn't happening. I was too awake. I was exhausted but too tired to sleep. I heard Frank make himself a drink of water before going back to bed and eventually, his absent humming lulled me off to sleep.