Lullaby And Goodnight

Frank rolled his eyes as I tried to convince him to agree to another tour. We needed the money and promoting our album would have helped. Frank was too scared to leave his dogs. I watched the little one race around the room after his Pit Bull and sighed.

"Frank, we need this. I could get the money to pay you back, we could get out of this place and into a real house with a yard for the dogs and I could maybe get a ground floor apartment with a little yard for the kids. Face it, we need this tour." He looked at me with a look of confusion on his face.

"Kids? You were getting Ellie, that's one kid Gerard. Not plural." I rolled my eyes at him.

"Frankie face it. The other guys are gonna be having kids someday."

"What's with your sudden obsession with children!? It's like your planning a huge family already and you haven't even got a girlfriend. And please don't call me Frankie"

"Cause I want kids Frank. I really wanna be a dad."

"Then go ahead. Plan the stupid tour it's gonna do no difference. I'll call mom and ask if she could have the dogs while were away." I grinned and threw my arms around his neck. I kissed his cheek enthusiastically making him freeze momentarily, but he regained composure quickly. I called Bert to confirm the dates and called everyone else to tell them. They all seemed really excited and said they'd call their families to ask about pet care and house care and to tell them about telling their friends how much their neighbor's kid would love our music and such other promotions. Lastly, I called my mom to tell her.

"Mom, this tour could maybe get me the money to get my own place. A nice little house with a yard for her to play in."

"Gerard nothings written in stone, she could still get adopted into another family you know. I know that would hurt you but it's in her best interest to go with a full family who can support her. Not a brotherly figure on an unsteady bands money."

"Mom I know all that. But please, I'd do anything for her. She's like my daughter already and I lost my house for that child. Surely you know I'd care for her as much as I could. I'd live in the same clothes for a month if it meant been able to care for her for a day." I didn't know how accurate that statement was.

*Time Elapse*

"Fuck you guys stink!" Bert called drunkenly from behind us. We all giggled and stumbled to him, rubbing ourselves all over him. He laughed and pretended to die from the smell. I stumbled and fell coming onto the stage, plastic cup still in my hand. The guitars picked up at the sides of me, then Matt's drum roll pounded from the amps. The crowd screamed and I took one last drink, before throwing the cup into the audience. I held the mic at arms length and threw myself around clumsily, screaming the lyrics from the songs I knew so well. The audience screamed along, but I have no recollection of what it was I was singing at the time. The only thing I can remember is my pants falling down to my ankles leaving me in my boxers on stage. The girls (and some guys) in the audience screamed and made me laugh, but I was too drunk to remember the scene exactly. I just remember that and playing kick ball in the parking lot after wards and falling flat on my face.

Bert held my hand and cooed in my ear after wards. Kissing my neck slowly and growled hungrily against my skin. His hands roamed under my shirt and traced my scars that were all to visible. Once his hands traced my scars I was able to gain self control. I pushed him off and fell to the ground, not from any sort of pain.A sort of vision filled my head.

I saw myself laying on a cold, tiled floor, blood staining my shirt and the blood surrounding my pain filled body. Donna and Rachael crouching beside me and Rachael''s hand laid gently on my thigh. I watched myself screaming, writhing from the pain in my stomach. Our large cook Duke cursing and running around wildly and my mom trying to get the story straight. Mikey was stood in the door way looking scared and nervous and trying to tell Donna that Bert did it. My whole body convulsed as I was pulled out of my little vision

Bert was looking at me weired when I came round, fully sober. My hands were shaking and I suddenly felt nervous whenever he tried to touch me. I shook my head, clearing it of the vision remains, and whistled the nearest cab. I gave Matt's address, were I was staying that night and waited impatiently to arrive. I constantly had my fingernails in my mouth and chewed them away. Luckily, it wasn't long before Matt's house loomed upfront and I tossed a five dollar bill to the driver and making my way into the garage, fuming with myself.

Pacing the garage, my feet scraped the poured cement floor. I needed to hit something, and my target was the shelves at the other side of the room. I pounded the wooden cabinet hard and caused it to bounce off the wall behind it, it's contents spilling onto the cold, hard floor. A strange tin fell from the top shelf and it was covered in dust. It somehow seemed familiar and I had to check it out.

Pulling the lid off, I saw a few photographs of us all as kids, attempting to take a serious band photo but none of us succeeding since we were all laughing. I saw a few individual ones we'd taken at the age of seventeen and one of me and Frank, my arm casually around his shoulders and both of us smiling at something off to the side. I smiled at that. Then a folded up piece of paper caught my attention at the bottom of the tin. The paper was faded and old looking. I carefully lifted it out, half nervous it would disintegrate in my hands and unfolded it. I gasped and read the words I had written so long ago.

It was my old song. I'm Not Okay (I Promise). The one I had written after Eliza had cheated on me with Cooper. A grin spread across my face and I pulled my cell phone out to call the only guy I knew would be sober enough to take my call. Frank.