Lullaby And Goodnight

I groaned as the cold hit my bare chest. I sat up and looked around the dark, musky garage, before realizing where I was. I remembered my girlfriend and my brother were only through the door so I made my way into her room. She was laying on the bed, staring at the ceiling. Mikey was sleeping under the blanket with an air mattress on the floor with a pillow sleeping soundly. Eliza looked sideways at me from her bed and smiled. I grinned back and snuggled beside her in her bed. The covers were warm and soft just like her pillow and she had an IRON MAIDEN duvet set. I wrapped my arms around her waist and pulled her closer. I kissed her softly and let her snuggle against me and get comfy. We would be getting up soon anyway but we wanted to spent this time just cuddling till my brother got up.

"How come you slept in the garage?" Eliza whispered into the darkness of her room. I smiled and shook my head and she didn't stress the matter. I wasn't going to turn around and tell my new girlfriend that I was been emotionally torn to shreds because the guilt of what I did to the boy I loved. I wasn't going to turn around and tell her I'll always love Frankie more than her. I wasn't going to tell anyone. I was never going to forget Frankie, but in order to survive, I had to pretend. I had to move on. I did like Eliza, and I guess there was a chance I could love her, but for now, I had to get my old life out of my head.

Mikey started to stir from behind me as I faced Eliza, kissing her lips softly.

"Ugh. I didn't have to see that." I heard Mikey mutter from behind me. I pulled away and rolled my eyes at him.

"Hey Mikey? Can I use your cell phone? I have to text someone." I asked him before rolling off Eliza's bed and onto the carpeted floor below me. I pushed his cell over and I began typing furiously. Mikey read the words out loud as Eliza went for a shower.

"To Frank.

Frank it's Gerard. You can reply to this text as much as you want but I will never text back. If there is a reply then it's not me, so please don't fall for it. I have to move on Frank. At home the daily tortures will never stop. After that time I spent in a coma I think I saw the future. If it was true we may meet again. But not in our childhood years. I love you Frank. I really do, but we both have to forget. Please try to see this from my point of view. Live in fear for yourself, your family, your friends, and the person you love? Or escape all that and start again with new people who can't judge you? I have chosen my path and now you must choose yours. As Mikey may have said, I'm dating a girl named Eliza. She's amazing, yes, but she'll never compare to you baby. Never forget what I said in the park. Your beautiful and amazing and perfect and my thoughts about that will never change. I'm sorry about this Frank, but I honestly don't regret it. I'm safe, and you are free to date who ever you may wish. I hate you Frank. I know you must be so angry with me for just uprooting and taking off but this is hard on me as well. I hate you for been so amazing and for letting me fall in love with you. This may be cheesy but you have to know. If you reply I'll read it, but there will be no reply from me.

Gerard xoxo"

Mikey sighed and let a few tears slip before controlling them. I searched for Frankie's number on Mikey's cell and sent it to him. I sat back against the bed and waited for a reply. Making small talk with my brother about if that was how I really felt. Eliza was ages in the shower so we had time to read Frankie's reply before she came out. This time, I read aloud while Mikey listened.

"To Gerard

I know I'll have to move on. If we meet again, I know never to get too involved with you. You've broke me Gerard. You don't know how badly I've taken to this. I was in way too deep with you. It was more the fact that you left without a goodbye that disturbed me the most. I was worried sick about you and when your brother called my spirits soared, until he told me that you'd taken off with some random girl. You killed everything inside me Gerard. I fell down the stairs last night and I couldn't even feel it because you numbed me with pain. I seriously can't understand why you did this to me Gerard. If it wasn't for my Guardian angel then I might not have been here to write this text. I hope you and this girl have a nice life together. The thing that disturbs me most is that I still love you Gerard. After everything we've been through, you gave me a few weeks to think that someone out there actually loved me the way I thought you loved me. You let me have a taste of what love and care was like out side of my family. You led me to believe there was a future for us both, but you soon proved me wrong. I didn't sleep last night. I was curled up on the couch rocking back and forth with tear tracks that seemed to go on forever. Mom said I could be suffering from shock, maybe even mentally scarred because of what you've put me through. You will never know how much I love you and always will. No one will ever take your place. You were my first real love. How can I believe what you told me in that park. If anything it's saying that whoever loves me will leave me and I'll never find anyone. You've killed my self confidence and the soul within. The thing is Gerard I wont be able to date anyone I want. I'm still stuck here in Jersey where everyone knows I'm bi and automatically label me as emo. I'm not like you. I can't move on in the blink of an eye. I wait. Despite everything, I still feel love for you. Though at the moment it's over ruled by the pain and hatred, but the strong passion and love I felt for you is still there. Lullaby and Goodnight Gerard.

Frank"

I looked into the top corner of the room to fight back my tears, though Mikey was letting them flow freely. I had lost my baby, the boy I loved. And to see him going on about almost doing something stupid if it wasn't for his dog, it was heart-breaking. I think I really had killed the hyper active teenage boy. Now...he was just an empty shell.