Lullaby And Goodnight

We lent back against the wall. Eliza's eyes filling with tears at Gerard and Bert's intense moaning. This girl didn't deserve this. Gerard didn't deserve Eliza. Go back a few weeks and he would, but not now. He'd hit the ground. I was only sitting beside the wooden gap but I could already smell the joints and the alcohol. I closed my eyes tightly and tried to hold my orange down. I heard the guys finish and dress quickly. I lifted my cell from in front of the hole where I had recorded what they were doing. I wanted to hold this against Gerard forever, and this is the only way I could do it. I glanced to my side, to see if anyone was coming so I knew who was listening when I started to yell, but I was a little too late.

"Eliza!" I turned my head to see Eliza just disappearing into the drug house, as I had formally named it.

"How could you? I trusted you Gerard. And you didn't even tell me you were bi?!" I winced at the pain in her voice. I could have cried for her.

"Yeah so cram it tuts. He's got a real man to satisfy him now." I climbed down the hole after her and charged at Bert. I knew I was putting us all at risk when I pressed my arm against his throat and pinned him to the wall like that. I felt all the anger and frustration i had felt since we left home build up inside me and was raging out of me now. Bert had made me cross the line.

"WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU KNOW! YOU MET THE GUY LAST NIGHT AND ALREADY YOU'VE HAD HIM STONED AND PISSED AND TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF HIM. YOUR A FUCKING ASSHOLE YOU FUCKING JERK OFF DRUGGIE!" I screamed and pressed my arm against his wind pipe until his face was red, purple, he went limp in my arms.

"You fucking killed him." Gerard whispered from behind me. I spun round, anger still surging through my blood. I also felt a pang of fear. I'm a murderer. I sighed and let relief wash over me as Bert groaned and rolled onto his back. Eliza stood beside me and clung to my sleeve. I glanced at her and followed her frightened gaze. I jumped when I turned to see Gerard about 3 CM in front of me. I gasped and was slightly knocked back as his hand collided with my cheek.

"Leave me the fuck alone! I'm fucking 15 I can do what I want!" He screamed in my face. I tried not to show my fear of this new Gerard by glaring straight at him.

"And I'm 12 Gerard! I need my big brother. My whole survival counts on you." I whispered, trying to look hurt and desperate. It didn't work. He just rolled his eyes at me and started yelling again.

"Exactly. Your 12. Your not a baby so stop acting like one Mikey! Grow a pair of nuts and go look after yourself." Ouch. Those words stung. Bad. My brother was a monster.