Lullaby And Goodnight

*GERARD'S POV*

I gulped down another mouthful of vodka. The liquid burned my throat and soothed me. The rage with Mikey had wound me up but this precious alcohol calmed me right down. Eliza hadn't left me. She just said something about 'helping me through this'. Bert thought she was a kinky little tart. I still thought she was beautiful. I stared at the joint of dope Bert pulled out of his torn jeans pocket. I gazed up at him longingly. He nodded and took a few puffs before handing it to me. I inhaled the toxic fumes hungrily. I sighed as I exhaled it. A few months ago I wouldn't have dared touch this stuff, but now I knew it was the way of life. After all, we had been out here two months now.

Mikey had finally plucked up the courage to go and shop-lift to feed himself. He always went alone as I refused to leave the drug house unless I was going out with Eliza. Bert always snook me food. I finished my joint and set the bottle of vodka on the floor, still about a quarter full. I never drank whole bottles. Half would get me more than a little buzzed. I got drunk so easy. I peeled off my shirt and threw it to the side. I'd ask Eliza to sneak out with me tonight to wash the blood off. I had started self-harming as well if things couldn't get any better *note sarcasm*. This time, though, the blood wasn't coming from anything I had done myself. The healing wound on my stomach had re-opened. I winced as I used my already blood soaked shirt to wipe it up. I had learned from Bert that pretty much everything still worked in this house except the odd light bulb. Everything was so grimy though. We only remained in the basement because it was hard for people to trace us down here. We usually only went out by night except to steal food from any local stores or from people at the park.

Bert watched me clean my wounds off before he couldn't bare to see me pain myself like that. He took the shirt from me and the bottle of vodka from the floor. He tipped a little onto my shirt and held it strangely gently over the wound. It stung like hell. I screamed out from the pain.

"Shh. I know it hurts Gerard but it will help clean it. It will stop infection." I wasn't sure weather or not to believe him but something told me he was right. I pressed my back right against the cold walls while Bert sat on my legs to keep me still while he gently wiped away the blood. After he was done he smiled at me and threw the stained shirt into his rag pile and kissed my cheek softly. I smiled back at him and thanked him. I needed some fresh air so I gingerly climbed up though the hole in the broken boards and into the sunset. I sat around the front of the drug house and lent back against it. I felt the sun against my bare chest for the first time in months. A soft breeze ruffled my hair and the golden light flooded the ground. I had planned with Eliza to go round to her place for a much needed shower. I would get one at the drug house but it's just so grimy. The shower room is absolutely filthy.

I lent my head against the house and closed my eyes. Letting the last of the warm sun wash over me. I was plunged into twilight as the sun vanished and the moon and thousands of beautiful twinkling stars flooded across the skies.

"It's beautiful isn't it?" I heard a soft voice say from beside me and I felt someone sit next to me. I turned my head, expecting to see Eliza smiling up into the skies, but was shocked to see Mikey staring at me. I saw the hurt in his eyes. He sighed deeply and I knew he was going to start one of the big heart to heart talks we used to have. Back when we lived at home.

"What's happened here Gerard? What have you become? Don't you see what your doing to yourself?" I sighed and went to take a cigarette from my pocket but thought against it, which was unusual for me. I sensed a small smile linger on his lips as he realized what I had just done.

"I dunno Mikes. I know I'm not the greatest brother in the world, but I don't regret who I've become. If this is what's meant to happen to me, then it will continue to happen if not, it will stop. I know it's not the best for either of us, but hey, like I said, it will stop when it's meant to." I sighed and looked over at him. He seemed to find his knees incredibly interesting.

"Just don't go too far Gerard." He was whispering and he sounded fairly scared. It annoyed me slightly and I was already being wound up. My temper never used to be this short. Probably just a side effect of a drug or something.

"Damn it Mikey leave me alone. I'll do what I want!" I said not too loud but it made Mikey jump none the less.

"Whatever Gerard. But I recall someone saying we were in this together." Mikey jumped up and walked away. Back into the drug house. He had explored the house and found a library upstairs and it's light still worked so he hid himself away in there when he was either alone with Bert or me and Bert did something that Mikey didn't like. Which was anything from heavy drinking to heavy drugs.

I carried on staring at the stars but jumped when I heard footsteps. I smiled at Eliza who looked quite happy I was sobered up quite a bit before meeting her. I looked her up and down. She was wearing Grey skinny jeans and a fitted black top. She looked casual but nice. I stood up and hugged her tight. I was feeling guilty because I knew she didn't like the drinking and drugs either. But I couldn't bring myself to stop. While I had my head rested on her shoulder, I slipped a mint into my mouth to rid me of any alcohol taste in my mouth. I pulled away and kissed her softly before she spoke.

"Wow. Its nice to see you sober Gerard." She smiled and I instantly felt guilt crush me.

"I'm sorry Eliza. I have had a drink but sobered up before I came out. I didn't wanna be drunk while I'm with you." She smiled at me, earning one back.

"It's just great to see you making an effort." I grinned and laced my fingers with hers, kissing her hand like a gentleman before she led me to her place.

*TIME ELAPSE*
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I sighed deeply as the hot water ran over my naked body. I scrubbed the honey and milk scented shampoo through my wet hair. I made sure the suds had gone from dark Grey to pure white until I rinsed my hair. I wanted to at least look and smell decent for Eliza tonight. She had a CD on in the next room and I couldn't help singing along as Bullet With Butterfly Wings rang through the room. I next covered my hair with ice shine conditioner and rubbed it in. I used the wash cloth from the shower rack to wash myself over with the chocolate scented soap. I gently ran the cloth over my stomach and Er...lower region and legs and feet before rinsing the suds off. I turned power jet on in the shower so the conditioner in my hair would wash out easier. I hopped out and switched the water off. I dried and dressed in record time, leaving me squeaky clean in the new clothes Eliza's brother and given me. Yes he actually gave me them. I didn't steal them. I had on black jeans and a black dress shirt with the first few buttons open. I saw Eliza bite her bottom lip and look me up and down when I emerged with my messy black hair still a little wet and the water dripping down. I smirked and reached out towards her, pulling her in by her small waist and kissing her softly. She walked forwards slowly until I was pressed against the bathroom door frame. I wrapped my arms around her tightly.

She kissed me softly again as she ground against me. I moaned into the kiss and felt myself harden. I ignored it though. Sex was not on my mind. She pulled away grinning.

"I'm proud of you Gerard. You haven't smoked yet, your sober, you smell and look fantastic, and you haven't tried anything. You resisted temptation my friend." I grinned back at her. I was glowing with pride inside. She was proud of me. I had done something right. I hugged her again and just held her close before leading us out through her garage. Instead on going to wash our clothes. I led her to a place I'd seen in the cab two months ago. It was a nature trail. It was full of trees and dense woods but one you got to the end, well...you'd just have to wait till we got to the end.