Lullaby And Goodnight

"You stink!"

"No! You stink!"

"Who's your favourite, Iron Maiden or Misfits?"

"Misfits. Iron Maiden are pretty good too though."

"No way dude, Volcanos are wayyyy better than Fender!"

"Nah, Fender all the way."

Many different conversations were taking place at the center of the park. Loz sat with her feet dangling into the water of the stream with Mike, arguing about their favourite make of guitar. Apparently, Loz had a Volcano electric guitar, and Mike thought they sucked. Mikey and Tre decided that the other stinks. Cody and Rachael were getting to know each other a little better, and that left me with Billie.

"After leaving those conversations, maybe we can have a civilized one huh?" Billy grinned and sat beside me under the tall tree that kept us hidden in shade.

"So what do you plan on doing with your life? If you say breeding unicorns, like you brother, I'll shoot you.""Thank's Billie bitch I love you too." he grinned and began fiddling with a tiny stick and spinning it around his fingers.

"I don't know. I'v always loved playing in bands. Well, since I was 11 I'v been playing in bands with Mikey, who started when he was 7. I'v always been the singer. I'v tried on guitar but I'm not good enough to do concerts and stuff. I'd love to go somewhere with our band though."

"Me, Mike and Tre have a band. I think we'll just stay garage and underground though. Were not concert standered. The actual band is called GreenDay, not exactly the most attractive name is it?" Billie smiled and threw his stick at Tre, who got hit. I saw Mike's eyes wander to Loz more often than normal. Loz caught his eye at one point, but looked away quickly. I chuckled to myself as the guy she had come with shot a dirty look at Mike. Poor 'Kyle' was sat on the otherside of Loz, he seemed pissed off that she was talking toTre, or that Tre was talking to her.

"I don't think GreenDay is a bad name. In fact, it's quite good. Anyway, do you have the time?" I promised Helena I'd pick Ellie May up and take her out for a walk in her stroller. She was just learning to crawl properly. She had started clinging to furniture and pulling herself up, trying to walk, but she usually always fell over. I loved her to bits. She was a beautiful little girl and I knew I'd miss her badly if she ever got adopted. So many people had been to see her, but Ellie was always really naughty for them. It was almost like she didn't wanna leave.

"It's four thirty. Why?"

"I have to go help my grandma out. I'll see you all later. Hey Rach, Loz, Mikey, I'm going to help Helena out. You coming or staying?" Both said they were staying. I stood up, brushed myself off and headed across the park. I shoved my hands into my shorts pockets and trudged alone through the big park. It was like the fucking boulevard of broken freaking dreams or somthing. My mind slipped into it's own world. It drifted from memory to memory. That's when I remembered the dream I had while I was in the coma.

I remebered Mikey saying we had a great show. Everyone was sweating, and Frankie wouldn't talk to me, and there was that blonde boy. And Eliza with the wedding ring. Eliza...I wanted her back. She may have been a lying, cheating, mentally scarring girl, but I had liked her, and I missed her. I pulled my jeans and shirt from the bush we had hidden them in when we had changed into the shorts and pulled them on. I absentmindedly climbed into a cab and told him where I wanted to go. As soon as I heard a baby's cry, I was snapped out of my thoughts. I was amazed to see I had actually gotten back from the park in New Jersey, to the orphanage in New York. When I checked my cell phone, it had taken me a couple of hours. I payed the driver and climbed out.

"Hey Helena. Where's my little baby!" I cried as Ellie crawled and gurgled her way into the lobby, followed closely by my grandma. She was only wearing her nappy and babygrow, and she looked adorable. She crawled her way over to me and sat at my feet, looking up at me. I began to talk to Helena and ignored her, pretending I couldn't see her. It was adorable how she got my attention. As I was talking, I felt a tiny little hand grip my jeans and tug gently. I looked down at her and pretended to notice her for the first time.

"Heya baby girl!" I cried. I crouched down on one knee as she cooed and gurlged at me. Before long, her tiny arms were held out to me and her hands were trying to grasp my shirt. I lifted her up gently and balanced her on my hip while her tiny little fingers played with my hair and ears. Helena grinned at us and kissed my forehead before leading me through into the main section of The Way. The usual kids were there. The ones I had met while I was staying here but never actually spoke to. I forgot their names. The others were just finishing up at the table and putting their plates into the sink for Duke to wash up as me and Helena sat down. She sat on a chair at the table, but I placed little Ellie on the counter while I jumped up to sit on it, then pulling her back onto my lap again. She looked down at the floor then back up at me. Her little hands pressed against her mouth as she squeeled with delight at her new found height. I laughed at her cuteness before talking to her again.

"Hey Ellie baby. What's my name? Who am I?" She gurgled and cooed, but never actually answered. She just smiled a lot and continued playing with my ear and hair.

"You'll make a good father someday Gerard." Helena smiled.

"Hey Helena. Do you ever think I could go far with a band?" I asked.

"Gerard, if you can't, I'm a sock. Now, if you wanna start a band, I'd say go ahead."

"I already have a band, think. I havn't seen them since I ran away form home."

"Get them called! Get them somewhere for practise."

I stopped and considered. In the last few weeks. I had written a few songs. I'd love to try them out. I pulled my phone and flipped through till I found Matt's number. My hands shook since I hadn't called him in ages.

"Hello?"

"Hey Matt it's Gerard. The band still in go?"

"Hell Yeah! Oh my fucking God Gerard we thought you'd abandoned us. Meet us at my place. Call Ray and bring your brother and his bass. Love ya!"

"Haha. Love you too Matty cake."

He hung up the phone and left me to call Ray.

"Yo?"

"Hey fro It's Gerard. The band still in go?"

"Oh my god Gerard Hey! I thought I'd never hear from you again. You have so much to explain, but for now, hell yeah the bands still going!"

"Great! Meet us at Matt's place and take your guitar. See you there!"

"Yeah Gerard see you there!"

Next I called Mikey so he could get his butt over to Matt's.

"You okay Gerard?"

"Yeah bro fine. Get to Matt's place ASAP. Take your bass."

"Yeah okay but my bass is already there. Why?"

"The band is still going."

"FUCK YES! Okay Gerard meet you there."

Helena took Ellie from me and carried her over to the high chair where she began to feed her. I was about to beg and plead for her to let me off, but I didn't have to.

"Go on kiddo. I'll see you later."

"Seriously?"

"Yes! Now go."

"Oh my golly gosh I love you Helena bye!" I yelled while racing out of the door and claiming the first cab I saw. I even paid the guy extra to rush there. The tires screeched to a halt after about and hour and I litterally threw the money at him before scrambling out of the cab and to Matt's house. The guys were all sitting around, catching up excetera.

"GERARD!" Ray and Toro both yelled. Both rushed forward and embraced me tightly.

"Fuck dude what happened?" Ray asked, nodding towards the fading bruises and healing cuts on my lip.

"Dad and my new boyfriend. Now, you ready? I wrote a few songs and riffs and stuff. Wanna hear my favourite song I wrote?" They yelled out that they did. Matt perched on the stool behind his drum kit, Ray sat on his amp and Mikey sat on a box since we were in Matt's garage. I plunged my hand into my pocket and pulled up one of the folded pieces of paper. I opened it out and stood infront of the microphone that Matt owned. With that, I began to sing.

Well, if you wanted honesty thats all you had to say
I never want to let u down or have you go
It's better off this way
For all the dirty looks
The photographs your boyfriend took
Remember when you broke your foot from jumping out the second floor

I'm not okay
I'm not okay
I'm not okay
You wear me out

What will it take to show you that it's not the life it seems (I'm not okay)
I told you time and time again you sing the words but dunno what it means (I'm not okay)
To be a joke and look
Another line without a hook
I held you close as we both shook for the last time
Take a good hard look

I'm not okay
I'm not okay
I'm not okay
You wear me out

Forget about the dirty looks
The photographs your boyfriend took
You said you read me like a book
But the pages are all torn and frayed now

I'm okay
I'm okay!
I'm okay now (I'm okay now)
But you really need to listen to me
'Cause i'm telling the truth
I mean this
I'm okay! (trust me)

I'm not okay
I'm not okay
Well, I'm not okay
I'm not o-fucking-kay
I'm not okay
I'm not okay (okay)

I stopped and turned to the others. I always sang while I wasn't facing them, it made me feel more confortable. Everyone's eyes were wide and Mikey had the whole stunned clapping thing.

"FUCK YEAH! Gerard dude that rocks. Can I say something?"

"Shoot."

"I think that where you had to cut off to sing the 'I'm not okay's' in the verses, I think I should sing them so you could continue the lines properly. What do you think?"

"Hmmm I agree. Thanks dude."

"No problem. Take it that song is called..."

"I'm Not Okay (I promise)."