Lullaby And Goodnight

I felt my smile before I'd come round enough to open my eyes. When I did, I smiled up at Frankie, who was still sleeping, a small smile over his face and his hair falling infront of his eyes perfectly. The ray of moonlight that flooded over his face last night had been replaced with sunlight that filtered over the both of us. I yawned and carefully unwound Frank's arms from around me, regretting it but having to get up. I looked around the lounge and out of the open window. A blue bird sat in it's nest, singing brightly, making my smile grow. I looked out to the front driveway and frowned. That quickly turned to a laugh when I saw Helena's ass boucing around and her angelic singing voice flooding my ears as she sang along with the bird. It was as to what she was doing that made me frown. Still in my boxers, I quitely left the house and lent on the side of our open van door, lighting a cigerette and waiting. Helena jumped a mile as she climbed out of the van backwards, bucket in one hand, sponge and brush in another.

"Gerard! You scared me shitless. Warning please." She pecked my cheek laughing and I grinned,

"Gran, what are you doing?" I asked her sternly.

"Well I don't know who this 'Gran' person is but Helena is cleaning out this putrid van. It's like somebody threw up in here." I grinned and closed the now spotless van door.

"They did, which is why you should have asked us to clean it." Helena just smirked at me.

"I saw you two on the couch this morning, did you really think I was going to disturb that adorable sight to ask you to clean the van? Why you two broke up I'll never know." I watched her go into the backyard stunned. I sat inside our van, smelling the fresh, clean smell. I thought about last night. I thought about why we used the band as a poor excise to break up, but I shrugged it off.

Making my way back to the lounge, I saw Frank was just waking up. I sat beside him on the couch with my arm leaning over him to rest on the back of the couch. He yawned and smiled up at me. The early morning sun making his eyes sparkle. I pulledhim up and made us both a cup of coffee.

There was a silence in the air over breakfast, not awkward but knowing. Mikey day dreamed through his sausage and egg. Helena smiled over at me and Frank every now and then, seeming to know he had hold of my hand under the table. Just that simple touch was pushing all the blood in my body south.

"What time are you boys leaving today?" Helena asked through a mouthful of sausage. I saw Frank about to answer but I covered his mouth before we were all sprayed with Coco Pops.

"Around twelve. We need to be at the airport for one." Grandma nodded and cleared our empty bowls and plates away. I got dressed into my tight black jeans and Madonna T-Shirt and grabbed the van keys.

"I'm going for Rachael. Wont be long!" I smiled at everyones pathetic attempt to answer through one of Helena's holiday videos and set out, starting the van and heading away. I smirked at the small blue ford parked outside. Jake's car. As I walked towards the door, I accidentally scratched all the side with my key.

The house was eerie and quite when I stepped inside. All I could hear was the dripping of a tap. I called both names, but neither answered. I checked the living room. All was quite, tidy and un disturbed. I wondered if they were still in bed, but it was empty. The sheets were messy and pulled back, there were clothes strewn around the floor. I checked the kitchen. My eyebrows furrowed at the broken glass on the floor. My heart faced at a broken window just above the sink. It wall a small, round hole, almost like a bullet. Finally, I checked the bathroom. The door was closed, and I was afraid of what I might find. I tapped lightly on the door, but nobody answered. Someone must have been in there, the door was locked. Maybe Rachael was in there crying. She always ignored people if she was upset. I tapped again.

"Rachael? It's Gerard. Are you ready? Come on babe, we can get out of here for good. You can stay with me. Rachael?" I was starting to panic at a lack of responce. Picking the lock did nothing as the door just refused to open. I had no choice. I tossed my leather jacket onto the couch and ran at the door, smiling a little at the snapping sound. I did it again, a hinge broke off. One more time. Bingo! The door broke away and fell against the sink, as my jaw hit the floor. The dripping sound I'd heard when I came in was coming from in here. It wasn't just dripping from the tap, it was dripping from everything. All red, thick, sticky. Blood. My heart was in my mouth as I fell to my knees. Rachael laid amongst the liquid, it stained her dull, lifeless hair. She was as white as a ghost.

I screamed hysterically, my eyes bursting from tears. The gun still held loosely in her hand, and a gaping hole in her chest. I screamed her name as her blood soaked through my clothes. I couldn't keep her still as my whole body shook. Her eyes were still open, and they stared at me, not blinking. Dull, clouded over and no light shone from them. The night dress she was wearing was torn and dyed red. The blood must have come about a centimeter off the floor. The slight splashing sound sickened me to the stomach. I tore my phone from my pocket and pressed two, calling Helena from speed dial.

"Heya Ger-."

"Helena! Get an ambulance over here pronto! Now!" I threw my phone down and rocked her gently. I knew it was a lost cause, but I tried everything to revive her. The front door burst open and the air was filled with the screams of a siren. I clung to her tight before letting the paramedics try their look. Police followed suite, and one took the gun from her hand with rubber gloves, putting it into a clear plastic bag. One helped me to my feet and took me out of the bathroom, making me leave Rachael behind.

"Do you know what happened?" I shooked from head to toe, trembling and crying in hysterics. I shook my head best I could. It was pretty damn obvious what had happened. My baby had shot herself in the sheer desperation of escape. She obviously just couldn't hold on one more night. A woman officer was asked to examine Rachael's body alone. It set me off even more when there were signs of sexual abuse. I stood up and slammed my fist against the wall, screaming her name and hitting the wall over and over. The woman who examined her came over to me, resting a hand on my shoulder and letting me cry into her.

"Sir, can you give us any information that you might know?" I nodded and forced myself to sit down while the body in the bathroom was still under tests.

"It was her boyfriend. Jake did it. The rape, the abuse, he starved her. He didn't kill her, no, she was t-too valuble t-to h-him. She shot herself. I promised I'd be there for her, and I wasn't there! I wasnt there!" I screamed again and was so relieved to see my family rush in.

"Mom!" I cried, rushing over and letting her hold me tight. Everyone was crying. Everyone from me to my dad. When her body was brought out, I demanded to go with her. Nobody stopped me. I held her cold hand on the way to the hospital. My tears had stopped. I was so deep in shock I didn't even realise the drip been placed into the back of my hand to treat it. I didn't care about the needle piercing my skin. The ambulance wasn't rushing, and there was no siren. I knew she was gone. I jumped out with her. Followed to the white, quite room. They laid her on a soft bed, letting me have a few minutes with her. I sat beside her, crying again, but this time. not so hysterically. I held the side of her face and lent down, kissing her lips softly. The blood that had splashed onto her face came off on me, but I didn't care. It was Rachael's blood. The look of peace was held on her ever beautiful face.

"Rachael, I never got to say goodbye. Never got to tell you how much I love you. I promised I'd always be there for you, and I let you down. I should have been there. I would have taken that bullet for you. I love you Rachael, and now I'll never be able to tell you. The least I can say is that now your safe. In a place of peace. Where you wont be ignored or abused or abandoned. A place of love and light, so very different from this earthly place. Where Jake wont get you. I look back on our childhood, and remember you as the bubbly, happy teenage girl we once knew and loved, the girl we turned to if things went wrong. Rachael I promise I'll never forget you, just please don't leave me. Please! Rachael stay with me forever. Don't leave me on my own I need you Rachael. Stay with me." I sobbed and watched my hot tears fall onto the heavenly white sheets on the bed. I went silent and listened to the voices around me. The doctors were outside, about to come and tell me it was time to let go. Let go of the lost love. I listened quitely in shock to what one of the doctors were saying.

"This girls been through so much. I heard off the parents and this guys family she was a star. How someone could do this to suck a frail girl I'll never know." The white doors flung open, and I kissed her one last time before slowly backing out, watching the girl, the woman, I'd never see again. I'd never hear her voice, never make her laugh. One of the doctors mumbled as I walked out of the room. I don't think he wanted me to hear, but I did. I agreed completely.

"There is no God."