Can't Live Without You.

“Jimmy, Jimmy are you there?” I repeated acting like my best friend would fill with life again. It had been 2 months since; Jimmy had over dosed and died. I loved him and he loved me. No, I was not his girlfriend or his fiancé or his wife, I was his best friend; Brian Haner. I started writing again.

As I finished another line Leana walked over holding little Caleb. Caleb was born on December 28, 2009. The day Jimmy died.

“Hi, Leana. How’s Caleb doing?” I asked, looking at the little chubby baby, who had little blonde sprout lings coming from his head and crystal blue eyes. He looked just like Jimmy did as a baby. Another thing they had in common was the only toy he would play with was his big stuffed duck. Jimmy LOVED ducks.

“Oh, he’s good, just a little cranky. I still haven’t moved back to the apartment, so he hasn’t slept in a real bed in forever.” She explained. She loved Jimmy just as much as I did. When he died, she moved into her parent’s house so they could help and she still can’t go back to the house that was once filled with laughter and joy, but now was filled with sadness and death. Nothing seemed the same without Jimmy.

“Oh, well I guess I will let you have some time alone with Jimmy.” I told, standing up from his grave. Whenever I can’t think or need a minute alone I visit Jimmy. Not having anyone has been hell. I stood up and went over to Leana. I gave her a quick hug and then left.

Once, I got home I pulled my notepad out again. It was around 10:30. I was tired, but I wasn’t going to go to sleep until I was finished with this song. I passed out on sofa at around 4:30. My phone kept vibrating, but I just wouldn’t pick up. After about the 12th time my phone went off I finally picked it up. It was Matt.

“Heyy, man! How have you been?”

“Fine.”

“You sound pathetic.”

“Well, let’s back track 4 months ago. One my love of my life broke up with me. Two we lost our European tour. And three my best friend for life died. How am I supposed to sound like?”

“Well, when you put it like that!”

“Give me the damn phone!” I heard Johnny shout behind him.

“Fiiiinnneee!!!” Matt complained.

“DUDE, STOP MOPING AROUND AND GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE!!” Johnny shouted at me.

“No!”

“Yes!”

“NO!”

“Don’t make me whip out my invisible dinosaur skills!!”

I chuckled. “Dude, are you seriously bringing that back?”

“What if I am?! Just come over!!! PLEASE, PLEASE,PLEASE!!!!!!”

“Fine! Where are you guys?”

“We’re at Zacky’s house. See you soon!!”

I crawled off the couch and got dressed. I snuck my song in my back pocket and left. We hung out for a little bit, but when they all wanted to go out to dinner I decided to just ditch. Once, I got home I realized that my song must have fallen out of my back pocket. Hope none of them fined it, 'cause then they will probably want to record it and I wouldn't be able to. I searched my car and my entire apartment, but there was NO luck. I just hoped tomorrow would be better then this awful day. Well, of course that couldn't happen.
###############################

Tomorrow

Recording session couldn't have gone worse. Well, you know how I was hoping that none of them found my song. Yeah, well Matt found it and LOVED IT!!! Let me back up to this morning, before my fight with the band started. I rolled out of bed at around 10:30. I showered. I got dressed. I ate. Then I left for the recording session. When, I arrived at the studio, Matt and the other guys were practicing Welcome to the Family, one of the songs from our new album. I walked in I picked up my guitar and started from the middle of the song. Once, the song was over, Matt started to tell us all about my song. But, at the time he had no idea that it was my song.

"Ok, guys! Yesterday I found this song at Zacky's house, I wanna know if any of you guys wrote it or know who wrote it?" Matt explained. I knew it was mine, but I didn't want any of the guys to know. They probbly would think I'm some kind of sissy.

"Well, dude. What's the title?" Johnny asked. Who knows why? He probably was hoping that he wrote and just didn't know it.

"It doesn't have one, but it goes like this..." Matt started to sing.


Never feared for anything.
Never shamed but never free.
A light that healed a broken heart with all that it could

Lived a life so endlessly...

"STOP!!!" I shouted at the top of my lungs.

"WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG?!?!?!" Matt shouted back, even louder.

"I wrote the song." I whispered.

"What? Speak up motherfucker!!!" Johnny screamed at me.

"I WROTE THE FUCKING SONG!!!!!" I screamed, before storming out of the studio.

I ran down the hallway and jumped into my car and headed for the only place I wanted to be.
###############################

After a pack of Marlboros and the calming sound of the ocean, I was back to normal. I was sitting on the beach, thinking, when Zacy snuck up behind me.

"Heyy, dude! What was that freak out about?" Zacky asked, with concern creeping up his voice.

"I don't know! It's just I wrote that song for Jimmy and I don't think I have the stength to play it without him." I explained. It was true. My best friend died and I couldn't even play a simple song without him. I started tearing up.

"I get it. Jimmy was a part of all of us. But, think about it like this, even though Jimmy isn't here to play with us, he is up there watching you play for him." Zacky said, pointing to the sky.

"Do you really believe that?"

Zacky nodded. I thought for a minute. I knew he was right, but I still wasn't convinced. If only I could get a sign. Just then a drum stick flew through the air. Around the corner came a tall, blonde dude, holding one drum stick.

"Heyy, did you guys see a drum stick fly threw the air?" the dude asked.

"Yeah. It's over there." Zacky pointed to the stick floating in the water. That was it. That was my sign. I guess he really is up there watching over us.

"Ok, I'll do it."

"Really?"

"Yeah, I really think Jimmy would love this song and even though he can't hear it here, he can surely hear it up there."

"Well, let's get back to the studio."
###############################

"Brian, that was beautiful." Matt was still gushing over the song.

"Yeah, why didn't you tell us you were such a sissy." Johnny joked.

Things were back to normal, well as normal as they possible could. I still miss my best friend, but I still have three down here with me. That's when my phone vibrated. I didn't recongize the number.

"Hello?"

"Heyy, Brian. It's me Michelle."

Michelle? OH, MICHELLE. I hadn't talked to Michelle since she broke up with me, the day before Jimmy's wedding.

"Oh, hey. How have you been?"

"I'm I have been fine. So, why did you call?"

"Well, actually I called you because I have been thinking and the only person that keeps coming to my mind is you."

"Really?"

"Yeah, I miss you. After we broke up my life hasn't been the same. Please take me back?"

"I really don't know. You broke my heart once and I'm still trying to get over my best friend's death, so I really don't know."

"Oh, please. I love you and want to be with you forever."

"How about instead of going straight to girlfriend/boyfriend, we go back to being friends and see what happens from there? Is that ok?"

"Bye." I hung up.

"I guess so. But remember if you need anything just call me and I will be right over. Bye, and great talking to you."

I walked back into the studio to find Matt singing the last lines of my song.

So far away
And I need you to,
Need you to know…

My song was so beautiful.

“Thank you Jimmy. I love you.” I whispered.

“What?” Zacky asked.

“Oh nothing, just nothing.”