Contagious Chemisrty

Richard, that was his name. The sick man who should be condemmed to hell for what he did to me. I thought my nightmare was over when he disappeared but last month he moved back. He never made eye contact with me, he knew what he did to me. I hope to god that he punished himself for that night. He wouldn't look at me, so he couldn't see my hurt. They threw a party for his return back to town. I was disgusted to see everyone celebrating the sick bastard. My mom forced me to go, not knowing anything of that night. From what I would guess, she probably forgot about me disappearing that night.
That night sitting in the ally, I lay awake thinking. Thinking about life and the people I shared mine with. I felt bad for them. I felt bad they had to look at me and be in my presence. I was even disgusted with myself. Everyone knew there was something different with me. My mom, well she just figured it was teenage thing. The rest of my friends still talked to me at school, but never did they try to hang out. They thought of me as just a buzz kill. All of them, but Ryan. He was my only friend. I thought about leaving this horrid town, the town I felt so scared in now. The only place I felt like I belonged in was California. My mom took me there for a trip once and I've never forgotten about it. I obsessed about it. About being there, away from him. Hence why I'm going. 2 weeks ago Richard talked to me. "Hi Neighbor" He smiled. I looked at him with most ill look I could make at the time. He looked down and said under his breath "I'm sorry Jade, I'm a new person. I swear I would never-" I walked away and erased the whole conversation from my mind as best as I could.
That is the sole reason I was leaving. The reason I was barely ever happy. The reason I had my breakdown. But how was I supposed to tell anyone? What if they didn't believe me? What if they thought I was crazy? What if he came after me? What if he did it again? Although I acted like I just wanted to leave this town, it was really him. I had no idea had to cope with what happened to me, except starting over. Making a better life. A safer life...
Ryan pulled me into a hug. "Jade, you’re freezing. Come inside." I walked in almost as if I were a zombie, it didn't feel like I was in my body, shaking from the cold. The tears still pouring out of my eyes. Ryan made me some hot cocoa and sat down next to me on the couch. "Tell me, what's wrong." I looked down. "Promise you'll believe me?..." "I promise. I know you don't lie" "Promise you won’t tell ANYONE?" "Promise" "Not even the police?" "Promise..." "Not even your mom?" "Not anyone Jade. You didn't commit a crime did you?" "No..." "Then what is it." "Richard."
I looked up, the tears had stopped now and my face was red with anger. "You mean your neighbor? What about him?" Ryan kind of chuckled this, confused. I turned to him looking in his eyes. "He- He...raped me last summer" Ryan jolted up. "What?! He- what? No he didn't. He did. Oh my god. I'm gonna fucking kill him. Is that why he left? Why is he back here? Last summer? Jade that was so long ago, why are you just telling me this now?" "Ryan, I couldn't tell anyone. I couldn't even tell myself. I was so... I have to go..." I got up. He pushed me back down, gently. "Please stay. I'm sorry. I don't know what to say. I don't know how to react to this.." "I know. I didn't either. I blamed myself. I blamed him. I blamed everyone. I still don't know what to do.." "Jade," He sat down. "Why didn't you tell the cops?" " I didn't want to deal with people knowing, I didn't want him to get me again." "Jade..." He smoothed the top of my head, then kissed it. I nuzzled my head into his shoulder. It fit perfectly, and it was comforting. "You're safe now. I won’t let anyone hurt you. We'll always be here together, you'll always have me."
There were the tears again. I'm surprised I had that much liquid in my body. I couldn't help them. I was thinking about leaving, about how disappointed he'd be. He was talking about always living here with each other but little did he know I was leaving in less than a week. I still couldn't gather enough courage to tell him. It was heart breaking to hear him say that. I hated to be the one to ruin him, but I had to worry about me first. I was done worrying about other people first. That's what got me raped, I just know it. It was all my fault. Ryan kept telling me otherwise, but why would he do it to me than? I looked up at Ryan's face as he whispered comforting words to me. I kissed him gently on the cheek. "I don't know what I'd do without you, Ry." There was a knock on the door. Ryan slowly got up to answer it while I laid back into the couch.