Don't Hold This War Inside

She thought she was dead. Why would she not be? But she wasn't. She could still feel the pain, the fire that singed her very bones.

And she could hear Carlisle's voice distantly. Her eyes were wide open, she knew. But all she could see was darkness. So this was what it was like to die, minus the flames, of course.

Death could not come to her sooner.

Caroline could now feel the flames slowly leaving her body. The darkness began to fade from her vision and color slowly came into focus.

"Caroline! Oh, thank goodness you're alright." an angelic voice said.

The pain seemed to concentrate inside of Caroline's heart, and she felt herself taking a largely needed gasp of air.

Then it was over.

"Who did this to you?" the voice said.

It was so very familiar.

It sounded like...."Carlisle?"

"Oh, Caroline! For a moment, I thought...I thought you were...dead." he said, sitting her up slowly.

"Unfortunately, I am not." Caroline replied bitterly, her voice raspy.

Carlisle said nothing as he sat down next to her, guilt and dread constricting all parts of him. How was he supposed to tell her she was a vampire?

There was so much he still had to explain to her.

"Caroline, there is something I must tell you."

He had no idea what to feel.

Caroline was gone; really gone and there was nothing he could do to bring her back.

It was all his fault.

He should have listened when Caroline told him to run away with her. Of course, being that he knew how dangerous Mexico was, they might have gone to Canada.

If he had listened to her, they might be sitting next to each other now, their kids possibly running and playing around them.

Jasper could not believe Maria had used him. That had been made clear to him the moment maria said Charles was her mate.

He leaned across the railing of another cabin far from Maria's, the cool Mexican air blowing across his face.

He would have to leave.

There was no way he could continue creating and destroying newborns for Maria's pleasure. No way at all.

He would escape and soon. he just had to figure out when.

"I am...a vampire?" Caroline asked, her voice still scratchy.

"Yes. I am so terribly sorry this happened to you. I would have stayed home if--"

"I do not blame you for this, Carlisle. I blame myself for trusting Charles. And I blame myself for not having died sooner." Caroline replied with a slight laugh.

"Are you thirsty?"

"Yes, Carlisle, I believe I am. Is that what this fire in the back of my throat is?" she asked.

Carlisle nodded and helped her stand up. For some reason, Caroline was still having problems standing on her own.

"I should probably take you hunting now." Carlisle said, and within seconds, they were gone.

Carlisle and Caroline ran through the woods in the English countryside, in search of animals.

He had told her that animal blood would never measure up to human blood, and her thirst for said human blood would be almost dominating, unless she learned to fight back with the alternative.

Caroline had just latched on to a rather large buck that had been running through the woods.

Carlisle watched her feed every time, never telling her when enough was enough, because for a vampire, there would never be enough.

When her thirst was satiated, Carlisle told her to keep hunting. She would need to drink more to insure she did not hurt any humans when they went back to London.

"How do you feel?" Carlisle asked when they got back to the apartment.

They had disposed of Lucy's body the moment they got back and Caroline cleaned the entire apartment from top to bottom.

She was finally done and she and Carlisle were sitting in the study. "I feel like I ate too much, much like during Christmas or Thanksgiving." she replied, lying across the couch.

Carlisle smiled slightly at her. A long silence stretched between the two. Finally, Carlisle spoke again.

"I will have to write a letter to your mother, informing her of your death. And we will have to leave London." he said quietly.

He looked carefully at Caroline, for any sign that she might cry or be angry with him. But she wasn't.

"Alright. Just make sure you tell my mother how much I loved her." Caroline replied quietly.

She felt no sadness in her heart that her mother would probably die alone. Technically, she wouldn't really be alone. Caroline only felt sorry for her mother. It must hurt, she thought, to lose your husband and daughter in such a short time.

It had to.

And Caroline only felt pity that her mother would have to feel the same pain she felt when she lost Jasper, or thought she did.

Carlisle continued on, explaining to her the in's and out's of being a vampire.

He told her about the Volturi, the law enforcement of the vampire world.

He told her that over time, her thirst for human blood would slowly decrease, if she never fed on human blood.

He told her about his history as a vampire and his human years, as much as he could remember.

He also told her that it would be very easy to lose her human memories, if she didn't think about them often.

Caroline wasn't even sure if she wanted to remember her human life, but for the sake of remembering a happier time.

Carlisle explained that, if she wanted, they could go to Italy to visit the Volturi, for they were old friends of Carlisle's, especially the leader, Aro.

Caroline did not think it a bad idea to visit with other vampires, even if she was rather certain that they might force upon her their culture of drinking human blood.

She did not care.

All Caroline wanted was to leave life itself behind.

Obviously, she had been made a vampire for a reason and there was nothing more she could do about it.

Caroline would have to make the most of her new life, even if eternal pain and heartache was what she would have to suffer through.

She was determined to make this life a better one.

This would be a new beginning.

No Civil War.

No Confederate Secession.

No Jasper.

It was just Carlisle and Caroline now.