Jasey Rae

JASEY RAE

CThere aren’t many things you have to know when it comes to Warped Tour. There is one thing though and that is that you must accept that you WILL sweat. But I think that’s part of the reason why we show-goers love music festivals. We love the gritty raw feel of everyone fighting to get closer to the people we’ve spent so much time idolizing and studying. We love the feeling that they’re only a few feet away and they’re real people, not just some voices we hear over the stereo. In any case, the rule that you will sweat was very prominent today. The sun felt inches away from my face as I walked by some merch tables and I knew it’d be inevitable. I, along with a majority of the people there, would be sunburnt by the end of the day.

“Hey! Jasey Rae!” I heard a voice call from somewhere behind me so I turned around.

“Hi, Jac,” I replied with a smile. I wasn’t too familiar with Jac Vanek. I knew her from some old parties and other shows but other than that I can’t really say we were friends. Even so I went over to talk to her as the day had hardly started and there wasn’t much to do. “How’s business?”

“Same ‘ol. How’ve you been?” She smiled and ran a hand through her wild orange hair. It seemed to practically have a mind of it’s own. “I heard that you were on the grounds but I didn’t wanna believe it till I saw you myself. Long time no see.”

I shrugged and casually looked over at her bracelet display. She’d added quiet a few since I last saw them. The OMG!askarth one made me smile. “I’ve been alright. Busy but alright.”

“Good to hear. Hey listen, Rian was looking for you this morning.”

“Rian?”

“Yeah. He told a few of us that if we saw you we were to ask you to call him ASAP. Seemed pretty urgent.”

“Hmm… Alright, thanks Jac,” I said, confused. “I’ll go do that right now.”

“Sure thing. Hey, come by and see me again later?”

I nodded with a friendly smile and took my phone out to call Rian.

“Hello! You’ve reached Rian’s cell. If you don’t know who Rian is he’s the bald guy in All Time Low. Can I help you?”

I laughed at the sound of Jack’s voice. “Morning to you too, Barakitten.”

“Meow.”

“What’s up?”

“Uhhhhh… Nothing. Actually I’m really bored which is why I hijacked Rian’s phone. I sent Coloussy out to get me pop-tarts. I’m hungry. Are you hungry? What’s up?”

I laughed again. “Uh… Nothing too. I just saw Jac Vanek and she told me to call Rian, that he was looking for me.”

“Mmm… Well, I’ll tell him you called seeing as I’m his temporary secretary.”

“Are you one of those secretaries that sleeps with their boss?”

“How else do you think I got in this band?” I smiled and moved the phone to my other ear. “Hey, you wanna come over and have a breakfast date? We’ll share pop-tarts and throw grapes at Zack’s hair.”

I chewed on my lip and pushed my sunglasses up my nose. “Mmm…”

“Don’t worry. My husband’s out. He’ll never know. It’ll be our dirty little secret.” I heard the smile behind Jack’s voice and appreciated his light tone.

“You sure you want me to come over?”

“Hey, be fair. You were my friend too. I’m pouting right now but you can’t see it. If you were here then you could see it. SO COME HERE!”

“Alright! Alright!” I said, laughing. “And there will be pop-tarts?”

“How do you have breakfast without pop-tarts?!”

I laughed and promised to be over by their bus in ten minutes. On the way to the bus lot I had to walk passed the main stage and I was unfortunate enough to catch a glimpse of what seemed to be the last of an argument between Alex and Rian. Neither of them saw me but I saw them. It didn’t look too good.

“Fuck off, Rian! I’m serious!”

“Why the hell do you have to make things so difficult?”

“Why the hell do you have to get into my personal life?”

“I don’t know, Alex. Maybe it’s because we’ve been friends since we were fourteen?”

Alex rolled his eyes, exasperated and kicked a crate that probably held some equipment. “Look. I appreciate it, alright? You’re a good friend and I fucking love you and your bald head.”

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. But seriously, butt the fuck out. I don’t wanna hear it anymore. I’ll seriously drop kick your junk if you don’t shut up.”

Rian sighed. “You’d be less miserable if you listened to me.”

“I’d be less miserable if I listened to a lot of people but I don’t,” Alex said, walking away from him.

“So who’s the idiot then? You for not listening or me for trying?” he shouted after him.

I furrowed my eyebrows wondering what that was all about and continued walking towards the busses to find Jack. When I got there I knocked on the door and was answered by Jack pouting.

“Now see? You’re here and you can see the pout. I’ve been working on it. What do you think?” He pouted again.

“Eyes need to be more puppy-ish.”

“Dammit!” He laughed and let me in. “Zack! We have company! Put a shirt on!”

Zack walked in from the back lounge drinking a protein drink. “Huh?”

“Or don’t. Whatever.” Jack shrugged. “I’d be shirtless too but I wouldn’t want Zack to feel insecure.”

“Thanks,” Zack said, punching Jack in the shoulder.

Jack cringed and flipped him the bird. “He’s like the fucking Thing from Fantastic Four. Jackass.”

Zack shrugged and sat on the couch, turning on the TV.

“So,” Jack said, handing me a plate of heated pop-tarts and taking one of his own. He walked to the back lounge and I followed. “How’s the Big Apple?”

“Packed full of Vitamin C?”

“Is it a Delicious?”

“Nuh uh,” I said, popping a piece of pop-tart into my mouth. “It’s a Macintosh.”

“As long as it’s not a granny apple,” Jack said faking a gag. “I’m all for the cougars but there’s such thing as overkill.”

“Cougars? Have you ever hooked up with a fan’s mom?”

“Mommies likey Jackie.” I rolled my eyes while he waggled his eyebrows.

“And what about you? Life on the road?”

“Fan-fucking-tastic,” he said around a mouthful of pop-tart. “Actually we were-”

“What’s she doing here?” came a voice from my right. It was Alex, standing in the hallway with Rian behind him peering over his shoulder.

I furrowed my eyebrows then looked back at Jack. “Jack, we’ll talk later okay?”

“Oh… kay… But…”

I didn’t give him a chance to finish his sentence before I pushed past Alex and Rian and walked off the bus. I really didn’t want to be around him if it wasn’t mandatory.

“Jasey, wait!” I heard Rian’s voice behind me so I stopped. “Shit, I’m sorry. I didn’t know you were on the bus. Jack took my phone and I was gonna come find you but-”

“It’s fine,” I said with a smile. I exhaled through my nose and looked down.

“He’s miserable too you know?”

“Why?” I scoffed, knowing full and well I shouldn’t be taking this out on Rian but I couldn’t help it. “Because he doesn’t have a groupie to fuck in this town? Because he feels guilty after seeing me for the first time in two years? He wasn’t miserable two years ago. Why’s he miserable now, Rian?” My eyes were welling up with hot angry tears by then and I wiped them away with the heel of my hand.

“You have every right and reason to hate him,” Rian said gently. “But to be fair you didn’t know his side of what happened after the break up.”

“I’m sure he was beating himself up about it while he rolled around with some girl in his bunk.”

“Jesus…” Rian looked down awkwardly. “I’m guessing you completely avoided any of our records, right?”

“Are you about to tell me about that song named after me? I know about it, Rian and I’ve heard it and all it did was push me to put all of his pictures in a box and send them to my mom’s place.”

“No, that’s not it I mean… The other songs, Jasey.”

“Rian, a song isn’t going to make me forgive him.”

Rian sighed and I felt my heart drop a little. I knew he was just trying to help. No doubt him and Alex’s fight didn’t help his mood much either. “Look just… Go listen to the records at least. He didn’t forget about you like you think.”

I took a deep breath in and gave Rian a hug. “I know you’re just looking out for me but I can’t do this with him anymore.”

“I wish you could see what we did after we left Baltimore.”

“It’s… it’s in the past. It doesn’t matter anymore. It really doesn’t. It’s just another high school sweetheart relationship that inevitably fell apart.”

“Only it does because that’s the happiest I’ve ever seen either of you, when you were together.”

“To be fair I was with him for the majority of the time we knew each other,” I said, when Rian released me from the hug.

“Yeah well, how about in all the years I’ve known him then?”

I shook my head.

“No chance in hell, huh?”

“Sorry.”

Rian smiled and shrugged. “Oh well. I tried I guess.” He sighed again then rubbed the back of his neck with his hand. “Listen, are we gonna get to see you one last time before you disappear again?”

“I don’t know…” I said hesitantly. “I fly out tomorrow morning.”

“Then come hang out with us tonight. Please?” Rian flashed me that winning smile. “Come on.”

I smiled back but shook my head. “I don’t think so.”

He tutted at me. “Fine. But if don’t let it be another two years before we hear from you again, alright?”

“Alright.” I smiled.

“I gotta go to soundcheck but… Be good. Be happy.” He hugged me again and I smiled.

“I’ll try. Tell Cassadee I say hi if you see her later for me.”

He furrowed his eyebrows but smiled. “Hey. Shh. You work in a magazine. I can’t have information like that spreading around.”

As we parted our separate ways I thought for a moment what Rian had said about listening to a few of the guys’ albums. In truth I’d avoided everything All Time Low related in the past two years and I didn’t know how I’d react to a sudden binge of them. So far I’d survived the weekend. That was a good sign. The last thing I’d heard by them was The Party Scene and that was it. “My” song I’d heard because practically everyone I knew had sent a link or something of another to me when it came out. Eventually I tried listening to it and I believe I stayed in my room for two days after that… I pushed the thought away with a shake of my head and decided that my focus was to be in other places than this. I didn’t come to Warped to pick things up with Alex. I came to get my interviews and my photos and I was going to do just that then leave trying to remain as unscathed as I could.

When it comes to things like Warped Tour I’m extremely grateful for my press pass. You get to stand in front of the barricade by security and besides the occasional person that needs to be pulled out from the crowd you hardly make any physical contact with anyone. The odds of getting a decent photo are in your favor. All the sets went great. The energy from the crowd filled the air and the bands were feeling it too and responded by giving great performances. When All Time Low went on I gave myself the same mental pep-talk I did the day before and told myself it was just business. I found myself enjoying their set more than I thought I would and smiled when Jack and Alex kissed onstage. I’m sure Stacy would use the photo I got of that later on.

When they came to the last three songs in their set, Coffee Shop Soundtrack, Keep The Change You Filthy Animal, and Dear Maria, I let myself settle some realizing that things had turned out much better than expected. Alex didn’t look at me once while performing and I was glad for it and Jack kept my eyes busy with his endless jumps and little facial expressions. At one point he stopped right in front of my camera and stuck his tongue out far enough that it almost touched the lens. I got some great shots of Zack jumping too and some of Rian too. I never got sick of looking at the bright smile of his.

“So let me ask you guys a question,” Alex said into the microphone after Coffee Shop ended. “How many of you guys know an older song that was on our EP called Jasey Rae?” I felt my heart drop into my stomach and I looked up at him. He looked down at me and winked before looking back out to the screaming crowd. “Well, it wasn’t on our setlist today but I was hoping you guys would be alright with us playing it today.” The crowd screamed and I looked up at Jack, Rian, and Zack in panic. The three of them looked just as confused as I did. “Alright, well then. Let’s do this shit.” Alex’s eyes flicked down and caught my gaze. “Jasey, this one’s for you.”

What the fuck are you trying to do, Alex Gaskarth? The guitars started though three of the four boys on stage looked confused as hell and I felt my heart wring out inside of me.

Lights out! I still hear the rain. These images that fill my head now keep my fingers from making mistakes. Tell my voice what it takes to speak up, speak up, and keep my conscious clean when I wake… Don’t make this easy, I want you to mean it. Jasey! Say you’ll mean it! You’re dressed to kill, I’m calling you out. Don’t waste your time on me.

I hardly got through the chorus before I bolted, away from the stage, away from the music, away from him.

Now there’s an aching in my back…

I plugged my ears and kept running till the noise behind me was inaudible. “What are trying to do to me, Alex?” I said to myself. I paced back and forth, the dirt ground beneath me changing a darker color as I left a groove in the earth. What was he doing? Was this to get back at me for being on his bus? What the fuck was he doing!? I decided that I didn’t want to know and I didn’t need to know. This was a waste of my time and I didn’t care for it.

“Stacy,” I said into the phone as I exited the grounds. “I can’t finish the shoots today. I got really sick. It’s scorching out here. I’m flying back home tonight.” She babbled into the phone in concern with my health and I half listened. “No. I’m fine. Just get me on the next flight out to New York and I’ll be fine.”