Turn That Smile Upside Down

As we drove to our destination I felt something in my pocket, it felt like a little baggy. I slipped my hand into the pocket and felt it with my fingers and realized it was the bag from last night that sent me into darkness that I can't recall anything from. We finally stopped and I looked out the window, he brought me to his apartment. I staggered up to his front door and then over to his bathroom, remembering how quickly this bag of white got rid of the pain, I wanted to get rid of it quicker, but with more..
I took out the little bag of relief and starred at it while I was in Zane's bathroom I didn't know whether or not I wanted to do this.. I didn't know what Zane would think of me.. or if he would even still be like a brother to me if I did this and he found out..
"Jay you okay in there?" He called in trying to make sure I didn't jump off the deep end and end it all.
" I'm fine" I answer back, all at the same time I still couldn't help but think of the little white bag I possessed in my hand. I want to rid my self of the pain.
I sat in the bathroom for it felt like days, I turned on the water to the bath and let it run for about twenty minutes, trying to buy myself some time to think. I came to the realization of what alcohol had done to my father and began to hate every cell in my body because I had considered the idea of trying to rid pain with a drug. At the same time, I couldn't pull myself away, it was almost mesmerizing.
*BANG*
*BANG*
"Jay.... " I looked over to see a worried look on Zanes face, I could almost guess what he was thinking, but I didn't dare to push my luck.
"yes?....." I sat waiting for a response but we only exchanged glances to one another.
The next five minutes of my life felt like the longest, even longer than the three to four hours I spent mourning over my mothers lifeless body. I felt so much hate for myself, but at the same time I had self pity, but I knew Zane wouldn't understand, I knew he was the only person left on this planet who cared for me. Him caring for me, made this the longest five minutes I will ever have to experience.
"What.... are you doing..?" Zane gave me a anger filled, yet sympathetic look.
" I... I don't.." Then I broke down crying, I had so much mixed emotions I couldn't even try to explain my new found "help" for the pain.
"Jay.. give me that bag.. please..." Zane held out his hand. I gave him the bag, the was no strength in my body from the past two days and that one night of venturing into the darkness of my high flying night, that has left my memory. My arm and hand was quivering while I tried to hand him the bag, my hand let go mid-way to him. I gave him a look, a look I think I would have only given to my mother. Zane didn't use any words, he just embraced me as if I was a long lost brother. I felt such love from him that I began to cry more at the thought of the mere word "love".

While sitting there.. I felt my mind wonder.. It was as if, that small bag of white light, was calling to me.. it wanted me to take another ride.