Welcome to the Club, Shatter or Survive

I woke up shivering; it was a foggy morning, and a cold one.
I quickly got up, and started climbing down the ladder, and then I began my walk again.
The bag I carried full of snacks, I opened and took one out, the tied it closed again, I started to eat it, I was pretty hungry, especially since I've been walking so much. One hour later, I was able to stop at this gas station, I went to the bathroom there, and then kept going on my walk. The whole time I walked I was thinking of turning back, but I've walked so far, and I've already spent the only money I've ever earned. If I were to go back home, I'd get yelled at, and forced to marry someone I don't love...

I have to remind myself, as to why I'm running.
I just couldn't take it anymore, if I could, I would still be at home...

For the past week, I've been walking 6 miles every single day, so over all for this week, I've walked 42 miles. I stopped to sleep; I've slept in a lot of weird places...
On other people's balconies, in a large box, and curled up next to some other homeless person, who might I say, smelt badly. I've also slept sitting up on a bench, and laying on one too. I stop to use the restrooms in, restaurants, the gas station, and any type of store, that'll have one. I also try to wash myself with the water in the sink...I don't like being dirty.
I eat one of my snacks in my plastic bag, every day, that's right, just one.
So I'm basically always starving, and my legs are always hurting, because of all this walking.

Maybe I should have written a letter to my parents, letting them know I ran away, so that they don't think someone kidnapped me. Then again, I left with the door unlocked, and the alarm off. My parents won’t think I ran away though, they don't think I could ever do that. For the most part, they were right, I never thought I could do this either...
But...
I think I've proven myself and them wrong. They won’t come looking for me.
They're probably just assuming I went to Jenny or Katie's house to sleep over.
But, whenever the wedding day is, they'll probably go looking for me, to get me ready for it.
By then, they'll realize I'm gone...
I think it's a sad thing...
It's like they don't care about me at all...
Only when they need something from me.
It feels like that sometimes.

Another week went by; I've traveled another 42 miles, so...in all, that would be...
84 miles I think...
I ran out of snacks, I did my best to make them last, it just wasn't enough.
I didn't bring that much, I didn't think I was going to be walking this much.
I'm so hungry...ugh…
I've never been this hungry before...
Now I know what it feels like for homeless people, well, I'm homeless to now.

When it began to snow, I went where I could find all the homeless people, around a fire pit, holding their hands out to get warm. I joined them, and they let me. I think what I like best about these people, is that there not judging me on anything I am.

I began wishing for a lot of things as I stared into the fire with my hands out, for them to get warm...
I was wishing for food, a shower, and I was wishing I bought a bigger jacket, I was so cold.
I was mainly wishing for food right now though.
Also, I was thinking of that one special guy, I know is out there for me.
It's my only need, this is just something I want so badly, and I wasn't going to let anyone take it away from me...
When I was little I wanted to be a doctor who saves lives, but my parents said I couldn't be a doctor, because I was too shy.
Later on I wanted to be physiologist, but my parents said I couldn't be that, because my social skills suck.
Then I wanted to be a firefighter, but my parents said I didn't have enough courage.
One by one, my parents always kept crushing my aspirations and what I wanted to do, and be in my life.
Pretty soon my parents just said, "You won’t work at all, not even a single day in your life."
Normally for someone, that would be, "Yes! Awesome, that's great!" but for me, it was devastating. I think someone who has never worked, will be more devastated about not working, and then someone who's already experienced how working is.

I sat down, as close to the fire pit as possible, without getting my hair burned, and closed my eyes. There were a lot of homeless people around me, but I think I've learned to not fear them. I don't really have anything, for them to steal from me. It's just me, and what I'm wearing, I've got nothing else. I opened my eyes, and saw people digging in the trash.
I blinked; they were looking for food, that's just gross. Right out of the trash can?
Then again...
It's the only way to get food, eat whatever someone else didn't finish, and threw away.
I started to cry, I buried my face into my knees.
I feel so bad for these people; I'm suffering just like they are now.
I wasn't born rich, my Dad simply just found a better job, and made a lot of money, and got us to that point of being rather rich.

Well...
I can't call myself a part of that anymore.
I closed my eyes and slept, when I woke up, there was still snow on the ground, and people were still by the fire pits, just trying to stay warm, and alive.
I watched other homeless people beg, as people go by, to give them money.
I'm going to do that too...
I got up, and walked away, I walked and walked, and then I placed myself in one spot, held my hands out, and begged for money too.

I was feeling pretty pathetic, and embarrassed...
I never thought I could do this, if I wasn't starving, and cold, I don't think I would be doing this.
I did get a few dollar bills, so I went straight into the store and bought what I could with five, one dollar bills, and then I went to the bathroom, and began my walk again.
Walking in the snow, on and on, eating the little food, I had gotten.

When another week had gone by, I had walked a lot more.
I liked walking into new places; I wasn't sure when I was going to stop walking.
I'll be homeless no matter where I go....I realize that...but...
I don't feel like it's time for me to stop yet.
On day three, I fell down on the ground, it was midnight.
I found myself not able to pull myself up, I tried, but I ended up letting myself drop to the floor again. My legs were throbbing, I was just so exhausted.
So I ended up falling asleep, just right there.
When I woke up, people were passing me by, I held my hands out, bit my lip, and started to ask for money.

"Um...sir?"

"P-Please spare me some money." I said I found myself stuttering.

I was clutching onto my jacket with my left hand and holding out my shaky right hand, and kept on asking for money.

It's amazing how cold people are, they don't even look at you, or they just glance and keep walking.

Some gave me money, not many though.

The first thing I do, when I get money, is buy food, use the restroom, and keep on walking.
I did exactly that in the afternoon.

Another three days went by, and I once more stopped walking.

It was dark out, the streets were empty, I was starving, and I found myself just staring out, at nothing.

The only light I had was the light poles.

"Stupid winter." I mumbled and pulled my knees up to my chest, trying to get warm, I shivered.

"Nice shoes." said a female voice.

I looked up, to see a woman with long red hair; she wore a black skirt, and a weird looking shirt, that didn't cover her belly all the way. She also wore gloves that went all the way up her arm, and past her elbow. She had a chain around her waist, like a belt, and one on her arm.
Her eyes were brown, and she wore dark makeup around her eyes, well, the eye liner was black and everything else on her eye, the eye shadow and such, were brown, one of her eyes were covered...
The shirt she was wearing, didn't cover her breasts completely, I'd say only one was covered, and the other one was covered by her hair.

"T-Thank you." I said stuttering.

"You’re looking up at me, with such pretty blue eyes, I'm jealous." she said with a smile and a slight smirk on her face.

"Brown eyes are pretty too...” I said.

She smiled once more.

"I'll give you twenty bucks if you give me your shoes." she said, she had a shine in her eye, it showed...playfulness.

Twenty bucks, was a lot more money than I've been getting with begging....

"Um...sure." I said, and started to take my shoes off, and handed them to her.

It was probably a bad idea to give her my shoes, I walk a lot. My feet are going to hurt so much now...

She dropped the twenty dollar bill in my hand, and then walked away, I watched her.

She turned back, only once, and smiled, and then kept walking.

She was a gorgeous girl, although what she was wearing made her look a bit...well...slutty.

The next day, I went to go buy food, this time I was able to buy a lot more, it tasted great.

After a good meal, I went into the bathroom, used it, and then started washing myself.

There was a sign on one of the toilets saying, "Out of Order."

I took that out, and put it on the door, so that people wouldn't come into the bathroom...

I took off my clothes, until I was just in my bra, and underwear, then I started using the soap, and washing my body, then rinsing myself, with the water from the sink, then to get dry, I used paper towels, and then the bottom on the wall, that you push, and hot air comes out to dry your hands, I used that as well. I did this all very quickly; I was so scared somebody was going to come in...

I took off the sign, and put it back on the toilet, and left.

I went back to the spot, and stayed there, I didn't start walking again.

The next day, I held out my hands, to beg again...but...
I was getting tired of it.

When night time came, I was incredibly hungry again.
I think I've lost a lot of weight...

I think the reason, I haven't left to walk some more, was because I wanted to see that girl again.

She didn't come that night, or the next one.

She was rather nice...

I haven't had someone like that in awhile.

My feet were cold; I was cold, pulling my knees up, and holding onto them...

I think it was around 2am when I heard someone coming...