Find the Horizon

On Sunday September 13th 2009, Katie was officially deemed cancer-free for 100 days. She had gone for most of the summer without updating her video log, but when she woke up that morning feeling better than ever, she pulled out her camera and made one last entry.

“I think this will be the last video I will ever record,” Katie told the camera. She held it in front of the mirror in her bathroom, taping her reflection. “What is, unless the cancer decides to come back. But it’s been one hundred days since my transplant, and I’m feeling great. My body is working again, the shingles are gone, and my hair is even starting to grow back.”

She ran a hand over the hair that had grown about an inch on top of her head.

“It’s not much, but it’s mine. I don’t get why people sweat so much over hair. It grows back. And look, I think it’s coming in straighter this time. Maybe I’ll get nice, straight hair instead of wavy hair. It’d be easier to maintain. But it looks kind of like Max’s playoff beard right now.”

Katie chuckled to herself before starting to speak again.

“The summer went by pretty slowly. Every day I would hope that my counts would go up, and eventually they did. I was strong enough to travel, so my mom brought me to Cole Harbour to surprise Sidney on his day with the Cup. I don’t know how to explain the look on Sidney’s face when he saw me. I think it resembled a kid in a candy store. Pure glee.

“Being with him on his day with the Stanley Cup was something I will never forget. I meant to bring my camera with me, but I ended up leaving it at home. I don’t really think I needed to record anything though, because there were people all over the place with their own cameras and I’m sure that if I really wanted to, I could just look it up on YouTube. It wouldn’t be that hard.

“The other guys on the team sent me photos from their days with the Cup. Especially Max--I think he sent me a dozen or so photos. That boy really does love the camera. But who can blame him? He was the one who got the two goals in Game Seven. He wanted to be the hero and he got it. It’s nice to see that some people can still take charge of their destinies. I like to think I did that as well.

“I started recording these entries in the beginning of April. I was admitted to the hospital on Tuesday April 7th, and I remember that day I thought that everything was over. The doctors told me that I had about a third of the amount of blood I should have had in my system. I knew that things were bad, but I didn’t know they were that bad. I remember panicking, thinking of all the things I hadn’t done and hadn’t seen. I didn’t want to die at age twenty-one.

“Then on Sunday April 12th, I had a special visitor wander into my room unintentionally. And everything changed. Sidney’s always saying how I changed his perspective on life with my positive outlook, but I don’t think he realizes how important a role he’s played in mine. He’s shown me, especially with the Stanley Cup win, that not only is anything possible, but you should never give up. Never back down, never say die. Even if you catch pneumonia after your first round of chemo and then the shingles right when you’re released from the hospital.

“I wanted to record all of these things so that when I’m old and ripe, I can watch these tapes back and know that I fought with all my being against this disease. I’m still going day-to-day obviously, but I’m feeling more confident than ever about my long-term survival. And you know what? If the cancer comes back again, I’ll just be more ready to fight my old nemesis.

“Then there's Andrew. He’s done so much for me, donating his bone marrow in order to keep me alive. I live and breathe for that boy and because of that boy. Nothing ever fazes him. It’s incredible. He’s my sunshine.”

Katie paused, taking in a deep breath and exhaling shakily.

“I feel like I’ve held onto these memories and these thoughts of how sick I used to be long enough. It’s time to move on. But I will give credit to the cancer for one thing and one thing alone--if I hadn’t been in the hospital, I never would have met Sidney.

“I never expected to fall in love while lying in a hospital bed. He’s been with me through my best and worst moments. He sat by my side whenever he had a moment to himself, he loved every part of me, even if I was just a shell of a girl, broken and collapsing with tubes coming out in all sorts of directions. He was the piece I needed to keep my chin up. Seeing him was something to look forward to. He even got me and my family tickets to the preseason opener Tuesday night against the Columbus Blue Jackets at Mellon Arena. He’s just too good to me. I don’t know what I’d do without him.

“So, in conclusion after that long, drawn-out series of anecdotes, I guess this is goodbye. It’s been a long, mostly painful ride, but the outcome was well worth the wait. I went to war on my cancer and emerged victorious. I met the greatest man in the world and befriended people I’d only ever imagined I would in my dreams. I love my life and I wouldn’t change one thing about it. And now, I’m going to put this camera down and go enjoy the fresh air. After all, it’s a beautiful day.”